TOS Caption Contest #209: Man in the Mirror

[Rat Boy]

You may want to cut back on the sweets, because it's time for another caption contest. First, let's clear the plates with...

Either that's a disturbance in the Force I'm sensing or another Trek argument is looming...

KIRK: Weird, this towel looks gold on that screen.

He can't here you over the sound of how stubborn he is...

Kirk: It's ridiculous what they charge for this tasteless food.

Spock: Jim, this is all an illusion.

Kirk: No way am I leaving a tip.

I suppose this is as close as we're going to get to having Batgirl cameo on the Green Hornet...

Steve Ihnat: I may be crazy, but you are absolutely Batshit.

Director(off screen): knock off the ad libbing Steve...

Sad part is that he recorded that log entry on the bridge...

Personal Log: To prevent premature re-entry, I will attempt to try the
reverse Kobayashi maneuver.

If he thinks the bridge is big, he should have a look at the engine room...

Mason: "It just feels a bit strange... the bridge is so vast, like 3 times the size it was in our orientation sessions. We could have a major rock concert in here!"

Well, in his previous career, Al Gorn(stein) was a rabbi, so I guess he has some experience in cutting meat...

Spock: (about to get up) "Captain, if you'll excuse me..."
Kirk: "Wait, Spock. Mr. Gorn, you don't have anything on the menu, anything at all that is vegetarian?"
Gorn: "Earthlings, our slogan is 'all the meat you can eat.' What did you expect?"

Congratulations to the winners. This week, Captain Kirk's dancing with himself, Mirror Spock suddenly realizes the perks of becoming captain, and Uhura discovers a peeping tom. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Man, my aggressive side's kind of a big baby."

Spock: "You were supposed to pick up a pizza while on Halka, Captain. Sorry, but rules say I have to kill you now."

Uhura: "Magic mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?"

Kirk the Magic Mirror: "Judge Wopner, of course."

 

[LeadHead]

Spock: Fascinating, The Captains personalities seem t enjoy one anothers company.

McCoy: Opposites attract Spock.

Kirk: I'm glad you both are enjoying this, now ENERGIZE!

Spock: Captan Kirk, I shall consider what you have said and hope like crazy that the Klingons, Cardassians and Bajorans never start working together, cause then I'd be screwed.

Uhura: Captain! You're alive!

Kirk: Duh! I've already been rescued and the ship is safe. Why the heck have you been away from your station during a crisis like this?!

 

[jep]

Sulu (OS): What the... JIM, YOU TWO TIMING BASTARD!!!!"

Kirk: "Quit crying, Mary."


.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: For some reason, I'm a little turned on right now.

MCCOY: I'm not suprised.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "Oh, I can already see I am going to love these new holodeck contraptions!"

Mirror!Spock: "Captain Kirk, I shall consider it! But in the meantime, yo' bitch be mine!"

Uhura: "I can see him! I can see him! You have to unfocus your eyes and try to look through the picture!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: I can't believe I kissed you.
Kirk-duplicate: Must've been your life-long ambition.
Kirk: Actually, my life-long ambition is to put my penis in you.

Uhura: Dr. King?
Kirk-ghost: Keep dreaming.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Look, Chris, I know how much you love the Enterprise; I'm sure you'll have a fine time at the Academy."

Pike: *sobs*

Kirk: "Beam this crybaby off my ship."

 

[ItsGreen]

A Lady Gillette. Captain Kirk I shall consider it.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Spock: "Who are you?"

LAdy: "I'm the bearded-lady, who are you? One of the freaks!"

 

[jep]

Marlena: "They're gone."

MU Spock: "Yes. And you know what's next, don't you?"

Marlena: "Oh no.... please Mr. Spock... don't use my agonizer on me!!!"

MU Spock: "Oh, I'm not, I 'm not. I'm going to use mine on you."

(Sound of velcro coming undone)

Marlena: "Oh my God... it's bifurcated!!!"


.

 

[Nerys Myk]

UHURA: You know, Jabba, when you said you were sending something in carbon I was thinking diamonds.

 

[Isis]

Spock: "Sir, that's not what 'you've got to love yourself before you love someone else' means."

 

[Nerys Myk]

HOLLYWOOD SPOCK: Jimmy, sweetie boobala! I love the work your doing with the Halkans.

KIRK: What new hell is this?

 

[Isis]

McCoy (OS): "Jim, get over yourself."

Kirk (to self): "Believe me, I can't wait!"

 

[Isis]

Kirk: "Uhura, it was immediately clear that you're in grave danger. OK, my hazmat is suit on now and I'm ready to rescue you from that dress."

 

[Isis]

Koloth (OS): "Go f**k yourself."

Kirk: "Don't mind if I do."

 

[jep]

Uhura: "What the fu.. ?

Taylor: "Dr. Zira, I'd like to kiss you goodbye."

Uhura: "Get your lips off me, you damn dirty human!"


.

 

[jep]

James T. Kirk. The man whose name has become synonymous with "male whore".

Yet he still hasn't mastered the "Blind Bra Unhook".



.

 

[jep]

Kirk: "Oh piss off, Scotty, I'm just getting in touch with my feminine side."


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