TOS Caption Contest #194: Have A Drink On Me

[TeaKirk]

KIRK: Blue Kool Aid, Captain? I'm honored.

KHAN: Funny I thought it was windex

(Everyone off camera spits)

 

[ItsGreen]

It's called a T'dildo. Vulcan women can not wait seven years.
And Captain, you're holding it upside down.

 

[Isis]

McCoy: "Jim, don't you think this latest toupee is a bit much?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Rectally?"

Shaw: "Rectally?"

Khan: "Rectally?"

 

[ItsGreen]

Khan: A toast Captain, "To the last, I will grapple with thee...
from Hell's heart, I stab at thee! For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee!"

Kirk: That sounds familiar, haven't I heard that before?

Khan: Not yet, but you will..... Admiral!

 

[Isis]

Spock: "Sorry, Captain. I concede it was highly illogical to place the Mountain Dew and my urine sample in such close proximity."

 

[T'Boggan]

Kirk " So how did Sulu get inside this thing, and where did he get the 'Jeannie' costume?"

McCoy " So did someone throw up on your dress, or did you fall in some puke in the ladies room floor?"

Khan: "Thank you captain Kirk, I think were going to be the best of friends!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Who backwashed in this?"

Spock: "Chekov."

McCoy: "Who recommended that dress to you?"

Shaw: "Chekov."

Khan: "Who forgot to do a courtesy flush in the men's room?"

All: "Chekov."

 

[Mistral]

McCoy: "I usually make a point of staying sober at these things but that dress..."

 

[Mistral]

KIRK: Blue Kool Aid, Captain? I'm honored.

Kirk: "You should be. It's an original Jonestown vintage."

 

[Mistral]

Khan: "You like the jacket? Yes, it is original Corinthian leather. How observant of you."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Khan: "If only we Augments had prevailed, humanity truly would have inherited the stars, instead of having to share them with aliens of inferior breeding. To think, we could have eliminated common illnesses like blindness, disability, Alzheimers, being Welsh..."

Kirk: "I seem to recall Hitler had the same idea."

Khan: "... male pattern baldness..."

...
...

Kirk: "Kirk to bridge. Mr Spock, make calculations for a time warp."

 

[Gary7]

It's called a T'dildo. Vulcan women can not wait seven years.
And Captain, you're holding it upside down.

Brilliant!

 

[M'Sharak]

"You have a tendency to express ideas in military terms, Mister Khan.
This is a social occasion."
"Smiles, everyone! Smiles! *snicker* You, too, Mister Spock."

 

[Gary7]

Spock: "You've done an impeccable job of consumption, Captain. There's not a drop of Saurian brandy left anywhere on the ship."
Kirk: "Well that does it. I'm done with this 5 year mission. It's time to go home, Spock."

McCoy: "Heh, my wife and I have a tablecloth at home just like that shawl you're wearing."

Khan: "No Captain, I was not a waiter in a restaurant prior to the voyage."
Kirk: "Well the clothes, the hair net with ponytail... could've fooled me."

 

[Gary7]

Khan: "Well, who'd have imagined that Starbucks would make it to the 23rd century. I am indeed grateful, as this pathetic excuse for what you call 'liquor' is most displeasing to me."

 

[Gary7]

Khan: "Thank you for honoring my request to switch to a nice Chianti, Captain. I think it would go quite well with some liver and fava beans..."

 

[ItsGreen]

I find myself growing fatigued Captain.
I've already pleasured myself three times under this
table. Two hundred years is a very long time, would you pass me a napkin.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Khan: "Marla is an exceptional woman, Captain. Truly superior. How much do you want for her?"

 

[Gary7]

Khan: "Frankly Captain, the more I look at you, the more I realize just how much of an inferior primate you really are."