TOS Caption Contest #194: Have A Drink On Me

[Rat Boy]

Back to the grind, because it's time for another caption contest. First, let's summon...

You know the episode is doomed when your villain wears a shower curtain...

Gorgon: "You must go to the Delta Vega system, Jim. There you will learn from the temporally displaced older version of your first officer, how to attain longevity in a sci-fi franchise."

Never doubt the ability of a well-endowed Scotsman...

Romine: "That strange bulge under my skirt, what is it."

Scotty: "It's me penis lass."

Naturally, penis jokes are usually followed by ball jokes...

RAYNA: Flint tells me most human males are terrible at getting balls inside holes.

Here. Let me help.

Someone's bucking to get another debate started in the Trek Tech thread...

Kirk: "Jeez, give a rest, willya! We needed the space for shuttlecraft storage! And nobody gives a damn about bowling these days, anyway!"

And our Photoshop winner reveals the only other person in known existence who could possibly want the Gorgon's outfit...

Gorgon: "We take what we --- "

YOINK!

Gorgon: "Yoink? My gown!!!! My effeminate gown!!!"

Kirk (OS): "Sulu!!!!!"



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Congratulations to the winners. This week, Kirk finally realizes what a Saurian brandy bottle resembles, McCoy tries picking up where his captain left off, and Khan Noonien Singh dares you to laugh at the superior taste buds. Have fun:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "To answer your question, a lot like this."

McCoy: "All my friends look like doctors; all his friends look like you."

Shaw: "Really?"

McCoy: "Terrible fashion sense, every last one of them. Jim's lucky the Fashion Police doesn't arrest him for being an accessory after the fact."

Khan: "What makes you think I'm an Augment?"

Kirk: "Well, for starters you've been downing antifreeze without breaking a sweat."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Khan: This is an excellent strain of Romulan ale, Captain; I salute your taste.
Kirk. Wh - how exactly do you know about Romulan ale, Kahn? As I recall you left Earth long before first contact.
Khan: This is not unusual, Captain. I am also familar with Klingon proverbs. I come from a superior breed of cultured villains.

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "All my friends look like doctors; all his friends look like you."

Shaw: "Really?"

McCoy: "Lousy haircuts and always looking to stab him in the back."

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Kirk: "So this is Vulcan Viagra, six hours with no side affects?"
Spock:"Yes Captain, as I said happy Birthday"

Khan: "Now Captain it's time for my fantasy! Do you have any midgets?"

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Mister Spock, I've been saving this bottle for a special occasion.

Spock: Captain, I am honored.

Kirk: Don't be. The special occasion is you getting the hell out of my quarters!

McCoy: Hello there, Jim said you and him used to date.

Shaw: That's right.

McCoy: I'm Leonard McCoy, Jim wanted me to run interferenc- I mean say hello.

Khan: So then I was invited to speak at Jon Stewarts Rally for sanity...

Kirk: How did it go?

Khan: There was sanity until Stephen Colbert showed up.

 

[jep]

Khan: "Do you like my shirt, Captain? It's rich, Corinthian leather."

Kirk: "It looks like our tablecloth, eugenics-boy."


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[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "All my friends look like doctors; all his friends look like you."

Shaw: "Really?"

McCoy: "Yeah, ol' Jim Boy wears you gals out, doesn't he?"

 

[jep]

Khan: "Yes, Captain, she's quite lovely... but I wonder if the carpet matches the drapes... "


.

 

[jep]

Kirk: Mister Spock, I've been saving this bottle for a special occasion.

Spock: Captain, I am honored.

Kirk: Don't be. The special occasion is you getting the hell out of my quarters!

 

[jep]

Khan: "I have five times your strength, Captain."

Kirk: "Oh, ho, boy... that's good, because trust me, you're going to need it if you bed McGivers.


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[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, Rat Boy!

Kirk: "2186. That was a pretty good year!"
Spock: "Fascinating. I wasn't aware that Mountain Dew even had a vintage."

McCoy: "All Jim's girlfriends look like you. All of mine look like Samoan ladyboys. Not that I'm actually complaining, mind you."

Khan: "So...Marla tells me you have a reputation for finishing very quickly in the sack."

 

[Isis]

Khan: "I can take just about whatever you can dish out."

Kirk: "You can?"

Khan: "Just don't put me anywhere near a midget screaming 'ze plane, ze plane'."

 

[T'Girl]

Khan: "Yes, Captain, she's quite lovely... but I wonder if the carpet matches the drapes... "

Kirk: "If you mean red, bushy and hangs down about twelve inches? Then yes, yes they do."

 

[LeadHead]

Spock: Happy Birthday Captain, I brought your favorite.

Kirk: Spock, you brought me Coke. I'm a Pepsi man!

McCoy: So anyway then Jim talked about ditching this one lady who was in Law School at the Academy to date her sister...

Shaw: I know about that already.

McCoy: How?

Shaw: I was their mother, he went after me too.

Khan: So then he said: "Either Choke me or cut my throat, make up your mind."

McCoy: He choked me, then tried to cut my throat.

Khan: It was a busy day.

 

[jep]

Tattoo: "How about I cram a photon torpedo up your ass, bitch?"

Khan: "My apologies, Captain. I should have warned you about his sensitivity to Fantasy Island jokes."



.

 

[jep]

Kirk: "The last time I had any of this was when I graduated from Starfleet Academy... I woke up three days later, face down in a ditch on Cygnet XIV."



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[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: I marked the bottle. someone has been drinking my booze!

SPOCK: Impossible I spit what I drank back in the bottle!

McCoy: "All my friends look like doctors; all his friends look like you."

Shaw: "Really?"

MCCOY: Psycho blondes with an axe to grind.

KIRK: Blue Kool Aid, Captain? I'm honored.

 

[Mr. Adventure]

"No, Captain Kirk, I assure you, in my time this was a very manly hairstyle."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

McCoy: 1972 called. They want their dress back.