TOS Caption Contest #191: Taking Care of Business

[Rat Boy]

Slowly but surely, Contest #200 is creeping up on us, but first let's close the books on the last contest by celebrating...

Impulse engines? Warp engines? The debate rages on, but maybe Scotty's on to something about this episode...

Doohan: Aw no! They actually are having the engines break down. This is going to be the slowest episode ever.

Third season budget cuts even led to red shirts not lasting more than twenty seconds on camera...

Kirk: "You're right, Spock. These new Spontaneously Combusting Redshirts DO save time."

Indeed, he who smelled it dealt it and when you're trapped in a phone booth, you have no one to blame but yourself...

Kirk: "What... evil torture is this?"
Vian: "Torture, what torture? All we did was feed them beans. We didn't make them fart!"

Photoshop winners...er, this is tough, and not because I'm hungover. I'm feeling generous (or indecisive, take your pick) this week...

The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller

Try getting "Thriller" out of your head now. Next!

Scotty: "Captain!!! There be beer here!!!!"



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Or try getting that song from the ads out of your head, now. Next!

Lincoln: "Fine mess you got us into now, Mr. Obama..."

Must have slashed the costume budget at the Hall of Presidents thing at Disney World. Next!

Inspired by this thead

SCOTTY: Borgas Frat.

So that's what that means. Anyway, congratulations to the winners. This week, we start off with something for the ladies, red shirts finally getting their revenge, and Sulu dabbling in cosplay. Caption away:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Is there any point to those things in the wall?"

McCoy: "No, I just wanted to watch your belly fat jiggle."

Red shirt: "Mr. Nimoy, we're from studio security. Mr. Shatner thinks your stealing his lines."

Sulu: "Meh, this Red Hour thing has nothing on Castro Street."

 

[jep]

Shatner: "Goddamnit, Roddenberry, you know I can't suck in hard enough to hide this!!! That's why my contract says no filming me without my girdle AND my shirt on!!!"

Kelly: "Stop being such a queen, Bill."



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[Captain Crow]

Spock: Don't make me break my foot off in your ass Doctor.

 

[jep]

McCoy: "Sooooo.... anything you'd like to tell me about your shore leave?"



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[jep]

"I told you that asking them where the bath houses were was a bad idea Mr. Sulu!"

Sulu: "Quiet, you."



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[Isis]

McCoy: "No, Jim, your abs don't look like a six-pack. They look like a backpack."

Sulu: "This is a tough mission but at least it's proving something."

Guy next to Sulu: "And what's that?"

Sulu: "That I can rock a puffy shirt like no one else in the universe."

 

[ItsGreen]

Kirk finally realizes in the 2nd year of his 5 year mission that he requires a girdle!

 

[jep]

McCoy: "Well, Christine thought drawing on you wasn't a good idea..., so we went with physical implants. You gotta admit they're a nice complement to your smiling belly button."

Kirk: "I can SMELL my own belly button. What's nice about that, asshole?"



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[jep]

Kirk finally realizes in the 2nd year of his 5 year mission that he requires a girdle!

LOL!!!! Duuuuude (or dudette), that's one of your best 'shops yet. Very nice!


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[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Bones: Don't worry, Jim. In another year or so, we'll be using make-up to draw on abs.

Uhura: Spock, sugah, I think they're on to yah.
Spock: It would appear, doctor, that the jig is up.

Sulu: In ruffles, I'm doable. But in purple, I'm stunning!

 

[Captain Crow]

McCoy: Nice back tattoo. Maybe you should show it to the crew. I think they'll get a kick out of it.

[minutes later in the rec room]

[Crew laughing]

Sulu: Oh, my. Can you believe this shit!

[Kirk starts crying]

Man, offscreen: Thou must nip it in thine bud Andy.

Sulu: Why is it no matter where we go in the universe we keep ending up in a redress of fuck'n Mayberry, North Carolina?

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: And now the pants

KIRK: What?

MCCOY: Trust me, I'm a doctor.

KELLEY: Len, why are our stunt doubles wearing red?

NIMOY (pissed): Shatner.

SULU: Okay, its possible that the historical documents were wrong and Jefferson wasn't Japanese.

 

[jep]

O'Neil: "Are you as scared as I am, Sulu?"

Sulu: "Wellllll... let's just say it's a good thing that my pants were already brown.



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[jep]

Sulu: "Who'd have thought they would get this pissed over a stolen carafe of tranya."

O'Neil: "They must relish it as much as we do."



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[Noname Given]

Mr. Spock: "Now Doctor, whatever else Nurse Chapel may have told you, I assure you, I did not 'Go Ponn Far' on her this morning."

 

[T'Girl]

Kelley: "Bill, what are you doing?"

Shatner: "New memo from Gene, he said the rating would really pick up if there were a topless scene."

Kelley: "Umm, Bill I don't ... "

Shatner: "A lovely pair of ripe round ... "

Kelley: "BILL! ... Did Gene's memo specifically mention you!"

Shatner: "The memo said Grace or Nichelle, but I sure it was a misprint. I am the star"

 

[ItsGreen]

The costume designers took Roddenberry too literally
when he said show was like "Wagon Train to the Stars"




(jep...Dude..thanks!)

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Was that a Red Alert?

McCoy: Yeah, nice try. I heard you tell Sulu to wait 10 minutes then call Red Alert to get you out of this checkup.

McCoy: Mister Spock is under arrest.

Security: Cool! Can I have his parking space?

 

[jep]

Spock: "Touch me and I'll rip you a new corn chute."



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