TOS Caption Contest #182: Sulu-te Your Shorts

[T'Girl]

Uhura: "Is that your fencing foil in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

Sulu: "Nope, it's the foil."

Uhura: Because I'm being poked by something the size of a piece of spaghetti
and there is that rumor about your penis.

Capt. Tracey: Does the Yang holy book describe this servant of the evil one?

Cloud William: Yes, our holy book say the servant has a forked tail.

McCoy; Stop. A Vulcan's organs are different.

Capt. Tracey: Look ... look at the servants inseam.

Cloud Festus: Truly, there is the outline of a forked tail.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Sulu: "What's great about this new viewscreen are the ultraviolet pixels. We can save the universe and work on our tans at the same time."

"WE ARE THE VOICE OF THE MYSTERONS... WE... OH... SORRY... WRONG SET!"

Sulu: "Have you ever seen any gladiator movies?"

Cloud Festus: "This unedited version..."
Cloud William: "Chapter 1... The Boy That Lived..."
Kirk: "Oh shit..."

 

[Yeoman Randi]

SULU: (maniacal laugh) You think lensflare is going to stop us, Mr Abrams? The OCD Fanboys say hello!!! (maniacal laugh)

Morning cawfee spew!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And of course, the one that no one will ever forget from Shatmandu:

Sulu: "This time, I promise not to just squeeze your buttcheeks and beat off."



***Based on a True story.***

Two of my co-workers dated for a year, and she dumped him because, among other reasons, he would never have sex with her, he would just squeeze her buttcheeks and beat off.

Now, he and I can be talking about very serious issues, budgets or pricing or pay scales, and I have to think about running over my own dog to keep from giggling.

Joe, leadfoot

I miss that perverted son of a gun.

Me too Ratboy, me too.

 

[Tribble]

Cloud William: ... and then Captain Kirk pointed his phaser towards the Klingon captain and said...

Kirk: Damn those fan boys and their fanfiction.

McCoy: At least it's not slash fiction.

Cloud William: ... and when Kirk looked into the dark brown eyes of the Vulcan, he felt a wave of heat rushing through his veins...

Kirk: ...

 

[Gepard]

Me too Ratboy, me too.

I know he was having some IRL issues a while back, but did he "officially" leave the board or something?

 

[Tribble]

Cloud William: The rules state clearly that using Charisma on aliens results in a penalty of -4. And no, you dont' get to roll again.

Kirk: But you are humanoids, and I have an awesomness bonus of +5. Look up the rule on page 354...

 

[Nerys Myk]

CLOUD WILLIAM: And do you take this woman to be your wife?

SULU: I do! oh, I do!

UHURA ( Thinking) I've got a bad feeling about this.

 

[Isis]

Kirk (OS): "Mister Sulu, why don't you stick to helming and fencing from now on. This Sharp Quattron you had us get is a piece of crap."

 

[jep]

Cube: "We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. You will give us the Queen or be destroyed."


Sulu: "Why is everyone looking at me?"



.

 

[T'Girl]

Announcer: . . . and appearing in next weeks episode

WOLFMAN JACK !!!

 

[SPOCKED]

Director: CUT!! Look, grandma.. I let you wear the Beatles moptop, but you are NOT going to sing Maxwell's Silver ThunderStick!

 

[jep]

Cloud William: "To celebrate, I will now read, in its entirety, Marienbad My Love."

Captain Tracy (OS): "Oh God, no. Jim, please, kill me. Kill me now."



.

 

[Rat Boy]

Sulu: "You think just because it glows like something out of a disco that I'd know how to stop it?"

Melllvar: "Cut! I'm not buying this scene one bit."

Takei: "Still a better director than Shatner."

Uhura: "It's...it's so horrible, Sulu!"

Sulu: "I know. We must never let the captain sing again."

Cloud William: "And the loser shall have this book dropped on their dick."

Cloud Festus: "So it is written, so shall it be done!"

Tracey (off camera): "I'll have you know that I cheat like there's no tomorrow, Jim."

Kirk (off camera): "Bones, don't you think it's time for another tri-ox compound?"

 

[Isis]

Well, someone was bound to do it this week, so here goes...the Captain's Woman.

 

[Isis]

Mirror Universe Sulu couldn't get over himself.

 

[Isis]

The planet in this week's episode was very backward, as evidenced by its inhabitants' use of an old-fashioned photograph album, rather than sharing their photos online.

 

[jep]

Sulu discovers he is a figurative and a literal redundancy.




.

 

[LeadHead]

Sulu: The Borg are Festive today.

Sulu: I have an army to take you down Kirk! Oh, crap.

Spock: Captain Kirk is no longer alive.

Uhura: Should we tell Spock the Captain is floating right behind him?

Cloud William: And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon Vessel, where there would be no tribble at all.

All others: All Power to the Engines.

 

[Nerys Myk]

UHURA: You bought one of those Bumpits from TV, didn't you?

SULU: You're jealous because I went from flat to fabulous!

 

[Rat Boy]

With apologies to LeadHead:

Jellico: "And just how in the hell did you get here?"

Cloud William: "Always in episodes with guest captains who are dicks. In contract."