TOS Caption Contest #171: Bridge to Nowhere

[Santa Kang]

SULU: Yeah, all the Chicks think I'm gay. It eases the tension in the unisex changing room.

RILEY: We don't have a unisex changing room.

SULU: shhhhhh

KIRK: Why am I standing here? This part of the bridge look horrible.

UHURA: Stop trying to look down my top!

 

[Rat Boy]

SULU: Yeah, all the Chicks think I'm gay. It eases the tension in the unisex changing room.

RILEY: We don't have a unisex changing room.

Sulu: "Clearly you haven't hear of Regulation 108, aka the Ally McBeal rule."

 

[T'Girl]

Riley: "Are you trying the infamous "Vulcan Rape Pinch" on me?"
Sulu: "Given that it's not working ... don't be silly."

.

Sulu: "The thing to remember about the phaser controls is don't shoot 'till you see the whites of their eyes."

Riley: "You're freaking me out Sulu."

 

[TigerOfDarkness]

Uhura: Mr Scott - why are you walking around hunched over like that?
Scotty: Lassie, if Spock ever asks you to "use inverse phasing" - just say no an' that's all I'm sayin'.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Riley: "You're violating my personal bubble."

 

[Admiral Shran]

Mirror Sulu: Wait 'til ya get a load of me!

 

[Rat Boy]

Sulu: "See the way Spock bends over to look through his scope? Ah yeah."

*thud*

Riley: "What just hit the back of my chair?"

Kirk: "Wait, now I get it! He was Keyser Soze all along!"

Uhura: "It's the fans, Mr. Scott. They've threatened to riot if you don't do something with that hair."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Uhura: Mr. Scott, I'm receiving a transmission from the plan--
Scotty: Lass, I got something you can receive in my trousers.

 

[Maurice]

Uhura: Mr. Scott, I'm receiving a transmission from the plan--
Scotty: Lass, I got something you can receive in my trousers.

UHURA: Ahhh, the shortwave frequency, then.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Wait a minute! Now I get it! It was a cookbook!"

 

[Santa Kang]

KIRK: I guess calling a Red Alert because I could't find my shoes was a bad idea.

 

[Rat Boy]

Scotty: "Is there any hope at all?"

Uhura: "Sorry, we're both stuck staring in movie spin-offs and cameo appearances in crappy TV shows for the rest of ours lives."

 

[Captain Crow]

Sulu: Have you ever seen a grown man naked playing with his "sword"?

 

[Spencey]

Sulu: I have a nob of butter hidden somewhere on my body. If you find it, it's yours.

Kirk: I wonder what happened to that nob of butter I was keeping for later

Scotty: Can ye see ma nipples in this shirt?

Uhura: No

Scotty: Do ye want to?

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Scotty: Any word, Uhura?
Uhura: The galley's still outta donuts, Mr. Scott.
Scotty: Bogus frat!

 

[Rat Boy]

The only bathroom on the ship and it had a lock whose combination Kirk was suddenly blanking on.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: All these lights are blinking outta order. Spock, get someone to get this lights blinking in order!

 

[SantaEddie74]

SULU: Come on...let's go grab a bite. I make a MEAN man-mustard sandwich.

Dandruff and eczema.

Even in deep space, they can be a problem.

SCOTTY: What's the Captain up to?

UHURA: Based on his slowly expanding gut? I'd say 200 pounds.

 

[SantaEddie74]

OH, COME ON Riley...

Do you want me to tell the rest of the crew you were AFRAID to watch me smear mayonnaise and vinegar all over my body?

Wuss.

 

[Santa Kang]

KIRK: Maybe those yellow ones weren't lemon drops.