TOS Caption Contest #164: Soup's On!

[Hambone]

KYLE: Food selector? No, no, no...this is the ship's lavatory. See, this little receptacle...

SERGEANT: I thought you said a bowl of...

KYLE: "Bowel". I said "bowel".

SERGEANT: Shit.

KYLE: Exactly.

 

[Mistral]

Hobo: "She's quite the sport about it, know what I mean, know what I mean?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Sergeant "As 'wonders of the future' go, I can't say I'm bowled over by the uniforms."

 

[John Picard]

Hobo on right: "I just shit my pants."
Hobo next to Kirk: "You boys picked a bad day to come in for a free lunch."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Bum: "In case yer wonderin', pink...with lace frills."

 

[John Picard]

Hobo: "You boyths are lucky. Me, thFrank, and Hal haf to thhare the thlame thet of falths teef. Today ithsFffrank'ths thurn."

Frank: *Nom nom nom*

 

[Hambone]

KIRK: And what's your story, sir?

HOBO: I was a big-time mobster, back in the '20's. I was tough and ruthless.

SPOCK: And now you're rough and toothless.

HOBO: Touche.

 

[Rat Boy]

Hobo: "More beans, Mr. Kirk?"

Kirk: "I think you've had enough."

 

[jep]

Kirk (Quickly looking away): "Holy crap, someone get that woman a razor!"

Spock (Also looking away): "I just threw up in my mouth."


.

 

[John Picard]

Kirk: "Mmmm, no. I can't say I've met Hot Carl."
Hobo: "Ah'll shows ya. Meet me in mah room after dinner."
Spock: "Captain, I do not believe..."
Kirk: "No need to worry, Mister Spock. I'm certain I can handle these primitive Earth people."
Spock: *resigned*

 

[Gagarin]

Kirk: I'd like to harness her energies.
Spock: Indeed.

 

[LeadHead]

Air Force Sergeant: Why do you have that in this room?

Kyle: I live here, you're standing on my toilet by the way.

Kirk: So that's what goes wrong this year. Next year...