TOS Caption Contest #151: Early Bird Special

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "Uh, we're gonna need more condoms."

 

[scottydog]

McCoy: "Uh, we're gonna need more girdles."

McCoy: "Something tells me we're gonna see a spike in the ship's abortion rate."

 

[Alrik]

Kirk: "This? This isn't so bad. Now there was this one time I saw this creature on the wing right outside my window. I'll tell ya, I didn't sleep for a week."

 

[Alrik]

Spock: "Oops. Quick Doctor, alert the ship's barber to begin saving all the hair clippings he can."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Spock: "On behalf of the captain and crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise, I would like to welcome the distinguished members of the Antosian delegation aboard. And *sigh* I suppose the appropriate acknowledgement here would be... 'ha, ha, very funny'."

 

[Nerys Myk]

Hail to the King, baby!

 

[Isis]

j

McCoy: "Jim, how many times have I told you to wipe your feet before transporting. With all your trips, you're making this ship into a pig sty."

Kirk: "You people are too old, and Halloween is over anyway."

 

[Captain Crow]

Fat Kirk: Damn cheap set!

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Looks like he was wrong.

ODONA: Who?

KRK: Sir Elton John.

ODONA: What was he wrong about?

KIRK: He said," It's lonely out in space
On such a timeless flight
And I think it's gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I'm a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone"

ODONA: FATHER!!!! Is it too late to get a different Starship Captain?

 

[Rat Boy]

Fat Kirk: Damn cheap set!

I've been waiting all week for this!

 

[Maurice]

KIRK: Floor lights?! Quick, Spock! Kill the floor lighting before--
TREVANIAN: ...the idiocy of lighting FROM THE FLOOR on aging actors doesn't service anyone well...slavishly taking up the PD's notion of lighting from the floor, which is absolutely what you do NOT do when you're trying to make people look good...
McCOY: My GOD, Spock, what have you done?!

The first Star Trek convention was rather cramped.

 

[Captain Crow]

Blue Warp Nacelles version.

Señor Fat Kirk: Damn el cheapo set!

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "I'll arrange six 'dates' for tonight."
McCoy: "Or just Uhura."
<Spock blinks twice, then calmly walks over and snaps McCoy's neck.>

 

[Volpone_the_Fox]

With thanks to ALRIK for the idea:

Kirk: "Same damn thing every time I fly!"

 

[S'kai]

"Lessee, one for TOS, one for the movies, one for Generations, one for Priceline and one for Boston Legal. . . SORRY J.J.!! You're gonna have to write him out of the script !!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Kirk: You may have two peckers Spock but I have five. I win!

 

[KirkusOveractus]

Kirk: You may have two peckers Spock but I have five. I win!

Spock: Perhaps, Captain, but I have never needed more.

 

[scottydog]

Kirk: "Mental note: Never spy on Uhura without her makeup ever again."

 

[scottydog]

Spock: "I can use this to skewer all 5 of those Kirks."

Reger: "It's called a Kirk-ka-bob, dumbass."

 

[Shatmandu]

Nimoy: "Great. Now I'll have five assholes counting my lines ..."