TOS Caption Contest #151: Early Bird Special

[Hambone]

KIRK: Wait, can you rewind that? In this new Blu-Ray version, I swear you can see Billy Blackburn!

 

[Shatmandu]

Deela: "Is that Brett Favre in the blue?"
Kirk: "Yep. Plays for the Giants this year."

Guy In Green: "Worst pay-per-view EVAR. I've paid for Tyson fights that lasted longer than that."

Guy in Blue: "Our outfits are made of Sham-WOW."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "She quit taking Andorians?"
McCoy: "Frostbite on her uvula."
Spock: "And no Tellarites?"
McCoy: "Swine flu."

 

[scottydog]

Woman: "These are your sperm, magnified one billion times."

Kirk: "How can you tell they're mine?"

Woman: "We extracted samples from every woman on board, Sulu, and six food replicators."

Kirk: "That's nonsense. I've only fooled around with five food replicators."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "She quit taking Andorians?"
McCoy: "Frostbite on her uvula."
Spock: "And no Tellarites?"
McCoy: "Swine flu."

Spock: "Orions?"

McCoy: "They're green for a reason, Spock."

 

[Shatmandu]

 

[Volpone_the_Fox]

KIRK: "Now this is how it's going down,... without the scratching bullsh*t!"

 

[seigezunt]

Kirk: Chris Pike told me about that guy...

 

[Alrik]

Kirk: "Alright, I want to know right now who it was that was the smart ass that decided not to beam me to the pleasure plant, but instead set me down in the middle of a NAMBLA Convention!"

Kirk: "They get more interesting at feeding time."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "She quit taking Andorians?"
McCoy: "Frostbite on her uvula."
Spock: "And no Tellarites?"
McCoy: "Swine flu."

Spock: "Orions?"

McCoy: "They're green for a reason, Spock."

Spock: "And Klingons?"

McCoy: "They're too needy, just like the name implies."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

*window shield slides open*

Guy in crowd: "Hey, there's a dude in there with her! Do we have to put more quarters in the slot for this?"

Kevin Riley (OS, sobbing inconsolably): "Why? Why?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "She quit taking Andorians?"
McCoy: "Frostbite on her uvula."
Spock: "And no Tellarites?"
McCoy: "Swine flu."

Spock: "Orions?"
McCoy: "They're green for a reason, Spock."

Spock: "And Klingons?"
McCoy: "They're too needy, just like the name implies."

Kirk: "Uhura likes the Klingons."
McCoy: "They're a bitter fit, uh, ... anatomically ..."

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Kirk: 'Hey something doesn't feel right...?"
McCoy: (scans quickly) " Jim I hate to tell you , but your ball are gone"
Kirk: "Damit I told her Playful nibbles, not bites!"

Kirk: "What are the waitng for?"
Woman: "The live sex show"
Kirk: "I see....."

Crew-man: (off screen) "Tip?? I'll give ya the whole 10" "
Rand: (from inside) "Well come on in big Boy"

 

[M'Sharak]

KIRK: Two me, or not two me? Th-
McCOY: Aw, damn it! Spock, beam him back! Hurry!

 

[Noname Given]

James T. Kirk: "Wow, he was right. Soylent Green IS made out of people!"

 

[Triskelion]

Spock: "Orions?"
McCoy: "They're green for a reason, Spock."

Spock: "And Klingons?"
McCoy: "They're too needy, just like the name implies."

Kirk: "Uhura likes the Klingons."
McCoy: "They're a bitter fit, uh, ... anatomically ..."

Spock: Romulans?
McCoy: Geeks.

 

[scottydog]

Kirk: "So you're saying that on The Planet of the Bald, people don't have to wear cheap toupees."

Kirk: "Sure I was surprised. Those were Spock's scooby doo undies she was wearing."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Pose check."
Spock, rolling eyes: "Studliness confirmed, Captain."
Kirk: "ENERGIZE."

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "And Klingons?"
McCoy: "They're too needy, just like the name implies."

Kirk: "Uhura likes the Klingons."
McCoy: "They're a bitter fit, uh, ... anatomically ..."

Spock: Romulans?
McCoy: Geeks.

Kirk: "Tribbles?"
McCoy: "Hairballs are not covered by her HMO."

 

[Tribble]

Spock: Captain, there is no need to hold your breath during teleportation.
Kirk, though gritted teeth: I know, now hurry up.