TOS Caption Contest #150: Cutbacks Are A Bitch

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: Your zipper's undone.

KIRK (looks down)

MCCOY: The other one.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "...so I walked right up to the biggest guy in the bunch, pointed at his service insignia, and said, 'Klingon Defense Force, eh? Well, you must be very proud, Miss!' And that's when the fun started!"

 

[Shatmandu]

 

[Isis]

A group of aliens were planning to take over the ship, but they got one look at Scotty and thought better of it.

McCoy (os): "That'll teach you to wear eye shadow, Jim."

 

[Gertch]

While navigation was still down Scottie had to make turns manually.

or

Scottie enjoyed the quiet times by changing the lights and singing the theme to The Partridge Family.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "The ancient Vulcan ritual, loosely translated as 'Touch Cookie', has never made me ill before."
McCoy: "Never performed it with Uhura after Taco Night before, either, did you?"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Kirkpire: "Oh -- you bit me! But ... you're not a vampire..."

Sulu: "Maybe, but there will be some sucking going on. Oh my."

 

[Tan Ru]

SPOCK: Doctor McCoy, we Vulcans do not carry "guns" in our pockets, nor am I "happy" to see you. But I do wish that you would refrain from these illogical human witticisms.

 

[scottydog]

Spock: "Doctor, why were your arms removed?"

McCoy: "Sure cure for masturbation."

Spock: "But how do you wipe after defecation?"

McCoy: "That's why I called you to sickbay, Spock."

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Doctor, I believe you botched putting my brain back in."

McCoy: "Oh?"

Spock: "Every time I scratch my nose, I get an erection."

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "Doctor, I believe you botched putting my brain back in."
McCoy: "Oh?"
Spock: "Every time I scratch my nose, I get an erection."

McCoy: "So? Every time I scratch my nose, you get an erection, too."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: You gonna ravish me or just stare all night?

 

[Captain Crow]

McCoy: Spock, you put the "tard" in leotard.

 

[Shatmandu]

Name that tune:

Spock: "Why does it hurt when I pee? I don't want no doctor to stick no needle in me. Why does it hurt when I pee?"
McCoy: "Where do you think?"
Spock: "I got it from the toilet seat. It jumped right up and grabbed my meat. I got it from the toilet seat."
McCoy: "Any other symptoms?"
Spock: "My balls feel like a pair of maracas. Oh God, I probably got the Gon-o-ka-ka-khackus! My balls feel like a pair of maracas."

 

[Captain Crow]

Spock: Doctor, I believe this is the point where you give me a hot beef injection in the posterior.

McCoy: Damn it, Spock! I'm a doctor, not a gay porn actor!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Spock: "Doctor, I believe you botched putting my brain back in."
McCoy: "Oh?"
Spock: "Every time I scratch my nose, I get an erection."

McCoy: "So? Every time I scratch my nose, you get an erection, too."

Spock: "Honestly, doctor -- I just like getting erections. Best I can do what with only getting honry one every seven years."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Scotty: Mister Spock! Canna hold on much longer? Take the shot!

 

[Captain Crow]

Spock: Doctor, what do you think of my mighty bifurcated man meat?

McCoy: Small and inoffensive.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "The anus-talk hasn't spread over here?"
McCoy: "Don't use the words 'anus' and 'spread' around me while Chapel's on leave, please."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: I could get lost in those blue eyes.

MCCOY: Funny story about that...