"Mr. Chekov, is there something in your ear?"
TOS Caption Contest #145: The Waiting Is The Hardest Part
- Thread starter Shatmandu
- Start date
"Mr. Chekov, is there something in your ear?"
Chekov: "... as long as our balls don't touch, right?"
Spock: "Just sign the consent form, young man."
Spock: "And who is this Grignak you're writing the sonnet about?"
Chekov, rolling eyes: "Only the ginchiest guy in the whole caption contest waiting room. Jeez! Grown-Ups!"
Spock: "Please, ensign, the logical conclusion was I was simply too sexy for my brain. Now, if that will be all, I have to do my little turn on the Engineering catwalk"
Spock: "Read that back."
Chekov: "'Dear Dr. McCoy: My love has wings; slender, feathered things; with upswept curve and tapered tips forming a rigid forked penis."
Spock: "And how does a Cleveland Steamer differ from a Texas Chili-Dog?"
Kirk: "Just watch."
Red Shirt: "You'd think they'd've put more toilets on a ship this big ..."
Spock: "No, I'm still not quite clear on what 'pegging' is, Doctor. Nurse, please proceed."
McCoy: "'Thrusters on full,' Chapel."
I know that line!
SPOCK: I want the dog fed, the cat out, and the gate locked. And leave a note for the milkman; no more cheese! Got that?
Chekov: (murmuring) got it...more cheese.
Spock: No Mr. Chekov that's not quite right. The left one bends upward and the right one curves slightly to the right.
Spock: Mr. Chekov, I want you to make a note of every double dick and fart joke made at my expense.
Chekov: Aye, sir. I'll do my best but this thing on has 9969 teraquads of memory.
Spock: Progress report Mr. Chekov.
Chekov: I've got 452 PADDs worth so far.
Spock: "Doodle doodle dee -- wuba wuba wuba?"
Chekov: "It is from an old russian music show, with commissar Julie Brown."
Spock: "A form of mind control?"
Chekov: "The effects on the youth generation were horrifying."
Spock: "Uhura stopped after the dress."
McCoy: "She looks bustier on the bridge."
Scotty: "What about her nickers?"
Kirk: "Just watch."
McCoy: "I'd give real money to see them."
Kirk: "There is no money Bones."
McCoy: "DAMN."
... intruder alert ... intruder alert ... intruder alert ... intruder alert ... intruder alert ...
All hands, shape shifters have beamed aboard, they're assumed the appearance
of caucasian humans ... be on the look out.
Spock: <rather proud> "Jim -- I just cut a plomeek-soup & Romulan ale fart in engineering. It was so rancid that the emergency doors closed. The screams can be heard three compartments away in each direction."
Spock: Radar.
O'Reilly: Yes, sir. I'll get ahold of Dr.McCoy...
Spock: I want you to get a hold of Dr.McCoy...
O'Reilly: ...Tell him to hold a couple day surgeons over into the night shift.
Spock: Tell him we're going to have hold a couple of surgeons over from the day shift out of the night shift.
O'Reilly: I'll put in a call to Admiral Hammond at Starbase 14...
Spock: Get Admiral Hammond down there at Starbase 14., tell him to send us those new surgeons right away.
O'Reilly: ...I hope he sends us those two new surgeons. We're sure gonna need'em.
Kirk <over intercom>: Attention crew. We have just received new Health and Safety regulations from Starfleet Command, and so as from now, there will be NO running in the corridors!
Spock <in background>: But Captain, I....
Kirk: Attention crew. Belay that last announcement.
Spock: "It's 4 o' clock again, Jim."
Kirk: "I'll plug the controller into the doors."
Spock: "Whoever invented Spock Pong was a genius. Oh yeah, it was me!"
Spock: "Help me out here, Radar. I'm trying to think of an amusing caption that ties in Scotty's missing digit, and your atrophied hand, and does it in a funny and charming manner, but I'm coming up empty. Any ideas?"
Radar: "That's just mean, sir."
Spock: "What else is there to do. Just read the schedule."
Radar: "Ok sir, two hundred hours we dock with the Zelbonian Ambassador's Shuttle. two thirty is the reception. Keep Mr Scott away from the scotch. Keep Captain Kirk away from the Ambassador's wife. Keep Sulu away from the ambassador..."
Spock: "I've been reading up on Zelbonians, we're going to need more booze."
Radar: "Ok sir, eight hundred hours tomorrow, we're supposed to pick up the new torpedo guidance system from the freighter Nefertiti, then we resume our star charting mission of Sector 234B, and at ten hundred you get photoshopped into Hawkeye Pierce."
Spock: "Very good Radar... The What!"
Spock: "Radar, do you understand any of those urban dictionary references Shatmandu always uses in his captions?"
Radar Checkov: "Oh, I try not to, sir. It slows down the paperwork."
Spock: "Indeed."