TOS Caption Contest #145: The Waiting Is The Hardest Part
- Thread starter Shatmandu
- Start date
Chekov, muttering as he writes: Does not play nice with others, smells like feet, has poor penmanship, must try harder.
[hands padd to Spock]
Chekov: Please have a parent or guardian sign this.
Chekov: I hate these electronic clipboards UPS uses. Every time I sign my name on these damn things it looks like random scribbles made by a cross eyed drunk.
Spock: Mr. Chekov, I want you to make a note of every double dick and fart joke made at my expense.
Chekov: Aye, sir. I'll do my best but this thing on has 9969 teraquads of memory.
<Whooosh>
Sulu (off-cam): Oh, my!
KirK: Mr. Sulu, we'd like to take to you about your Jewels of Sound addiction.
Sulu (off-cam): Not fair, guys! Not fair! No one told me this documentary shit was for Intervention... fuck this! Chekov lied, man. Chekov lied.
Kirk: "Where'd Grignak the Coffee-Selling Fish-looking Asswipe come from?"
Spock: "Thusly:"
Not a caption, but a comment: back when this movie came out, this guy looked pretty outlandish.
But now, he looks like the asswipe behind the counter at the coffee shop next door.
Joe, mocha
Scotty: "Rat Boy called him 'fish looking dude' for a while, then jptrekker put a Starbucks apron on him and coined the phrase 'fish-looking coffee-asswipe'."
McCoy: "Grignak was a generic name that prick Shatmandu used for aliens and alien planets, and it stuck."
Spock: "Barney the Testicles, who was popular for a while but then fell off, came from the same thread, but that's another story. Here's the original, classic thread: Link."
Scotty: But where did two girls one cup come from?
McCoy: Just watch.
Scotty: BORGAS FRAT!
Spock: Would you like us to turn it off?
Scotty: I dinnae say that.
Here canon is established that the McCoy Procedure is officially named, that it involves licking and groping, and that by TNG's time it has been required for decades.
Worf: "Crusher made me do nude jumping jacks. I was then groped and licked before being excused."
Riker: "So what? The McCoy procedure has been required for decades."
Worf: "But it wasn't Beverly Crusher. It was Wesley."
Scotty: Ack! It's disturbing but I canna turn meh eyes away.
McCoy: Is he gonna--?
Kirk: Cornhole that donkey. Yes, I think he is.
Spock: Fascinating.
Spock: "I get the Wooly Willy next!!!"
Chekov: "You do know dat ze Vooly Villy is a Russian inwention.."
One could only imagine the discomfort Mr. Scott felt when he realized HE was the redshirt at the table.
Spock: You have misspelled navigation. There is a "v" not a "w." Same with vector.
This would explain the interesting stain on the wall.
<Second Gold Shirt from left finishes urinating, shakes her penis, puts it back, and walks off.>
Gestapo Major Toht: "How like Americans. Always overdressing ... for the wrong occasions."
Chekov writes:
** .. He glances at me again .. his dark saturnian eyes, slowly undressing me .. **
** .. I pray that soon I will be his soft vulcan vixen .. **
"Attention extras, by the order of Gene Roddenberry, with the exception of the andromeda ascendant prototype
in the foregound, you're all fired."
Spock: "Ensign Chekov has fukked up the gravity plating again."
Kirk: "But it's automatic."
Spock: "Sir, we are talking about Chekov. "
Kirk: "The crew stays at battle stations until I find out who ate the strawberrys!!!"
T'Girl
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Spock: That reminds me, I need to get some cheap generic hotdog buns for the ship barbecue this evening.
Spock: Mr. Sulu isn't here at the moment.
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