TOS Caption Contest #141: Pox Marks the Spot
- Thread starter Shatmandu
- Start date
Kirk, strained: Kirk to sick bay. I've got my dick caught in my pants zipper.
Van Gelder: HEY! What does a crazy guy strapped to a bed have to do around here to get a BJ!?! [eyes bug out]
Van Gelder: OOH! OOH! OOH!
Spock: How long has he been doing his Officer Toody impression?
McCoy: About 54 hours.
Van Gelder: I swear that 1928 Porter is my mother! [eyes bug out]
Uhura: The Scottish Conan Guy is right! Scotty's accent does sound more like a Pakistani man who suffered a stroke than Scottish.
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Kirk: "Kirk to Bridge."
Spock *filtered*: "Spock here, Captain."
Kirk: "Mr. Spock, I don't have a problem with the fact that the naturalists won the vote, however, we must find a way to denote rank. The next crewman to address me as 'tiny' instead of Captain is going be tossed from the nearest airlock."
Van Gelder: FESTIVAL! FESTIVAL!
McCoy: Wrong episode, nitwit.
Van Gelder: E PLEBMNISTA!
Spock: Try again.
Spock (filtered): Spock here.
Kirk: Bones is having trouble pulling enough ass hairs for my plugs. Get down here on the double, we're going pull out some of yours.
Spock (filtered): I believe Mr. Chekov's rectal follicles would be a better match in terms of color and texture.
Kirk: "Mr Spock, I specifically indicated that 'I'm too sexy' by Right Said Fred should play when I enter the ring. Not, I repeat, not 'Barbie Girl' by Aqua. Heads will roll for this."
OoooEeeOoo!
"Hmmns fdnddn fnnn pprhh hhhs nnns bberr nnnn Clapham Junction NNnnnns hhhsrr aggg ahhd hsn bbbnnnnbbb rrrssspprrrr!"
Click!
Kirk: "Kirk to bridge. Spock, tell Uhura that she's got her pay raise. And... tell her to get rid of her British Rail trainee replacement."
Stoner Guy (filtered): Dave is not here man.
Kirk: Kirk to Sickbay. I think i'm lactating.
Female voice (filtered): Hello I'm letting you that your long lost cousin from Nigeria has passed and has left you one million dollar. Please wire via Western Union us two hundered thousand dollar so we can start the process of being send it to you.
Kirk: Damn spammers!
[Kirk bangs fist on intercom pannel]
Kirk: How the hell did they get this number anyway? This is an unlisted intercom pannel.
Van Gelder: I'm not insane! My eyes are always like this, honest.
Van Gelder: Doctor McCoy I'm bleeding pretty bad here.
McCoy: I told you it's not that bad.
Van Gelder: My shirt was white when I came in.
Kirk: Spock, I've glued my arm to the wall again
Spock: Shall I inform the crew, again ?
Van Gelder: Soylent green. It's people. It's people. <eyes bluge>
Voice on intercom (filtered): What are you doing, Dave?
Kirk: Spock, I don't have time for your HAL 2000 impersonations. I've got a girl down here who's wetter than the pacific ocean.
McCoy: "Claims his name is Cookie Monster and is asking for some chocolate chips."
Kirk: "Nipples? Nipples? Where we're going, we don't need any nipples!"
I'm going to change this one over maybe later tonight or tomorrow.
It's our daughter's fifth birthday today, so we're heading to Chuck E. Cheese's for her party. Loud noises, thirty people I don't know and twenty relatives I avoid, and pizza made out of recycled newspaper.
I wanted to get her a phaser from the new movie, but they're still $15 at Target. That's a lot of money for something her little brother will steal and pistol-whip the dogs with.
Here they are at around Christmas time. The boy's a lot bigger now:
Joe, eating before we leave
It's our daughter's fifth birthday today, so we're heading to Chuck E. Cheese's for her party. Loud noises, thirty people I don't know and twenty relatives I avoid, and pizza made out of recycled newspaper.
I wanted to get her a phaser from the new movie, but they're still $15 at Target. That's a lot of money for something her little brother will steal and pistol-whip the dogs with.
Here they are at around Christmas time. The boy's a lot bigger now:
Joe, eating before we leave
JOE: OMG. They are both beautiful!! Happy Birthday to your daughter!!!
And my condolences to you. We did the Chuckie Cheese thing for years.
I'd rather stick needles in my eyeballs. My advice to you is to start drinking heavily!!!
Have a great time and give her an extra birthday hug from me.
And my condolences to you. We did the Chuckie Cheese thing for years.
I'd rather stick needles in my eyeballs. My advice to you is to start drinking heavily!!!
Have a great time and give her an extra birthday hug from me.
It's my daughter's birthday, too, only she's a bit older (22 years, which went very fast). Anyway, have a happy...