TOS Caption Contest #141: Pox Marks the Spot

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Coot 1: Hey, ya got any jam for this biscuit?

<Spock wipes his ass with the biscuit>

Coot 2: I'm fine dry.

McCoy: Can he really manage to sniff the entire mound?

Spock: If he has time, Doctor. If he has time.

Van Gelder: "I DEMAND YOU LETMEGO! I'LL KILL YOUALL! I'LL KILL YOUALL!! I'LL..."

Spock: "Doctor, shall I get the genital cuff?"

Van Gelder: <eyes bug out> "... I'll just wait here, then, shall I? Yeah."

Kirk: "Captain's log: From now on all drunken encounters shall take place in my quarters. A captain should never have to take the walk of shame, particularly wearing lace panties."

Van Gelder: "Dammit! Why won't anybody help me?"

McCoy: "Chill the fuck out. It's been 3 hours and 55 minutes. If you still have a problem in another 5 minutes, let me know. Not my fault. 'Best practices' and such."

 

[Nerys Myk]

"Come and listen to a story about a man named Jim,
Starfleet Captain had had to fight an alien."

SPOCK: A theme song explaining the premise. Flawlessly logical.

 

[Drob]

Bones: "Bring out the Gimp."
Spock: Gimp's sleeping."
Bones: Well, I guess you're gonna have to go wake him up now, won't you?"
Van Gelder: <eyes bug out>

Coot: "Tea, earl grey, hot!"
Spock: <unzips into cup> "Lemon or milk?"

Kirk on Planet Yayo: "It's pure!"

Intercom Spock: "Captain, 'Topless Thursday' isn't going down too well with THE WOMEN!