TOS Caption Contest #141: Pox Marks the Spot
- Thread starter Shatmandu
- Start date
Unable to hold back is disgust over the meat in the soup, Spock didn't bother to tell anyone he had puked in a few of the cups,
but no one noticed as it made it taste better.
Scotty: "Is that the myth-busters episode again?"
Kirk: "Not now Spock she's just about ready!"
Van Gelder: I ate Doctor Adams liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Kirk: Bones, bring down a tub of that bio-mimetic gel. I'm beginning to chafe Dr. Noel.
McCoy (filtered): Damn it, Jim. I'm a doctor, not a sexual therapist with funny accent.
Voice on intercom: Bridge to Captain Kirk.
[Kirk bangs fist on intercom pannel]
Kirk: Kirk here.
Voice on Intercom: You're needed on the bridge.
Kirk: Okay, I'm on my way. Kirk out.
[Kirk bangs fist on intercom pannel]
Kirk: Damnit! Always when I'm trying wackoff. Oh well, I guess I can beat one off in the tubolift on the way to the bridge.
Voice on Intercom: Sir you didn't turn off the intercom. You activaed the ship wide intercom system instead.
Kirk: Shit.
Balding Guy: Hey man, can I get a tall, extra-whip, triple white mocha, with some cinnamon on top; a - what was it, Gary? - a grande vanilla bean frapp, hold the whip; a tall soy latte, extra hot...
Guy in Hat: Damn it man, I just want a coffee! Hurry up! God damn Starbucks...
Barista Spock: (under his breath) Sigh... a bachelor's in gravitational physics and this is the only job I can get.
Redskirt: NOOO, don't go down there!! Oh no, he's going down there, he doesn't know about the ambush. No don't!
McCoy: There's always one of them... dammit woman, I haven't seen this episode yet!
Uhura (filtered): Captain Kirk to the bridge! Captain Kirk to the bridge!
Kirk: Yes, Lieutenant! What is it? Spock's just about to blow his load.
Uhura: There are Klingons off the po--whut?! You better not be down there with my man, you fat ass honky.
Kirk: "This is Captain Kirk, what is it?"
Voice in Intercom: "This is Engineering, is the fridge in your quarters running, sir?"
Kirk: "Yes, it is."
Voice in Intercom: "Well, sir, you better catch it before it leaves the room!" [CLICK]
Kirk: "Damn cadets, can't take a dump in peace!!!"
I agree, the last contest was great fun!
McCoy: What the hell...?
Scotty: Blimey!
Spock: Fascinating.
Sulu, to himself: Didn't know this one yet... must download...
Kirk, from off: Well, I, uh ... I was young and needed the money!
Uhura, to herself: 'Needed the money', my ass.
McCoy: What the hell...?
Scotty: Blimey!
Spock: Fascinating.
Sulu, to himself: Didn't know this one yet... must download...
Kirk, from off: Well, I, uh ... I was young and needed the money!
Uhura, to herself: 'Needed the money', my ass.
Kirk: "Is the 'I'm fucking someone' signal a sock or a tie on the doorknob?"
McCoy, filtered: "When's the last time you saw a tie on this ship?"
Kirk: "Oh, yeah ..."
McCoy:" . . . or a doorknob. . . . ??? . . . Did Scotty install something "special" on the wall of your quarters?"
Not reading the other entries first, so duplication is inevitable.
Spock: "Blend you name, price I name, or coffee no."
Supervisor: "Yeah, good, but try saying it with a smile."
McCoy: "Dammit, I want popcorn!"
Spock: "Did you order the restraints?"
McCoy: "No, wasn't me, wasn't the Captain either. I can't see who could..."
Van Gelder: "It was that blonde nurse of yours. Help me, before she comes back. Crazy bitch was going on about not waiting another seven years. Said she was going to get a jar of blue pills, whatever they are. Please, you got cut me loose..."
Spock: "I see nothing."
McCoy: "Didn't hear nothing either."
Chekov on shipwide tannoy: "Veel Keptin Kirk please report to seekbay for his memmogrem, I repeat, veel Keptin Kirk please report to seekbay for his memmogrem. Thet ees all."
Spock: "Blend you name, price I name, or coffee no."
Supervisor: "Yeah, good, but try saying it with a smile."
McCoy: "Dammit, I want popcorn!"
Spock: "Did you order the restraints?"
McCoy: "No, wasn't me, wasn't the Captain either. I can't see who could..."
Van Gelder: "It was that blonde nurse of yours. Help me, before she comes back. Crazy bitch was going on about not waiting another seven years. Said she was going to get a jar of blue pills, whatever they are. Please, you got cut me loose..."
Spock: "I see nothing."
McCoy: "Didn't hear nothing either."
Chekov on shipwide tannoy: "Veel Keptin Kirk please report to seekbay for his memmogrem, I repeat, veel Keptin Kirk please report to seekbay for his memmogrem. Thet ees all."
Balding Old Guy: This crap smells like shit!
Spock: That's because it is shit. Now take you crap and fuckoff. NEXT!
Old Guy with Hat: Can I have the crap with pieces of corn in it?
Bum: "Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, yeah I do, you're that Vulcan guy aren't you? The one who got kicked off that "Star Track" show, or something. 'Cause of the thing with Kirk and the Penis Rock. Woo, did my missus have a field day over that one. And Kirk wasn't even-"
Spock (hissing): "Don't make a scene!"
Kirk, over communicator: "Kirk to McCoy. Don't worry, Bones, we're on to it. The Gorn's found the rabbit-hole, and we're going down. We'll get those two Rigelian girls back"
McCoy: "I just can't believe the White Rabbit would do such a thing. Late for a Very Important Date my arse".
"Computer, Memo. In future, remove zoological samples from the men's sauna prior to use. Footnote, obituary: Ensign Puddleton killed in action, stardate 1346.3, Denevan Cobra bite".