TOS Caption Contest #137: The Red Hour

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"We got you to sickbay in the nick of time.
Bones managed to get the gerbil out using a cat."

UHURA:"I'm not very skilled at flying ships, sir...I think I might have just set the main deflector array on RINSE."

SCOTTY:"Robert's a FINE lad, Angela.

Just don't ask him to show you his superfluous testicle."

"SPAGETT !!!!!"

 

[Rat Boy]

At reunions, the cast members held contests to impersonate Shatner's delivery of "KHAAAAAAAAAAAN!" De Kelley clearly won this year.

 

[Hambone]

"SPAGETT !!!!!"

Clearly the winner.

 

[Captain Crow]

Uhura: I hate it when Sulu picks the movie for movie night. He always picks ones with guys getting cornholed in almost every scene.

Kirk: Remove Wish Bone.

[buzzer sounds and Scotty's nose lights up]

Kirk: DAMN IT! You turn Bones.

McCoy: But mommy I want that toy!

 

[Gertch]

 

[Shatmandu]

Scotty: "And I didn't even have to give you a roofie."

Kirk: "Bet that's the last time her ever flips me off."

Uhura: "Sarah Jessica Parker's face looks like a foot, doesn't it?"

Scotty: "I'm not familiar with the phrase, so I'll assume calling someone a 'two-pump-chump' is a bonny compliment."
Angela: "Yeah, you do that."

 

[Ward Fowler]

"SPAGETT !!!!!"

I love Tim & Eric.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Tell the boys down in protein resequencing that Thanksgiving is back on!

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: Bones, has he always been missing a finger?

Uhura: (whispers) Hey, Hikaru, the left turn blinker's been on for the last four parsecs.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

SCOTTY:"Ye must be a Surrey Lass"
Angella: "Why yes how'd ya know?"

 

[TigerOfDarkness]

McCoy: He's dead, Jim.
Kirk: Yeah, yeah - could you move his body a bit, I think I see my nudie calender under here.

 

[Isis]

Uhura: "Damn TV - 57 million channels and nothing on."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Uhura: And this picture is of my brother-in-law and I in front of the HQ building... (click) Oh, and this is all of us riding the antique BART train! We had so much fun. (click) And this... (click) This one... (click) You won't believe how we ended up swimming in the Bay. It was so cold! (click... click... click)

Kirk: Oh, brother, why did I have to ask Uhura about her shore leave?
Sulu: I think I've lost the feeling in my legs.

 

[cooleddie74]

"Scotty...

MY DEAR FRIEND...

WHY...

WHY...

WHY?!?!?!?!?!



Oh well. No sense losing any more time. Dump him out the nearest waste chute. Tell his family he died in a drunken orgy."

 

[cooleddie74]

UHURA:"Sir...the Solar Eclipse Channel is getting old.

Can we watch something else?"

 

[scottydog]

Kirk: "I'll just apply some ice, right here...."

McCoy: "Jim! Stop giving him the cold shoulder!"

 

[cooleddie74]

"You'll be fine, Scotty...

Just rest...get plenty of sleep...

And Bones will help you get the shot glass out of there before you need to go boom-boom."

 

[Shatmandu]

Uhura: "You see this cat Shaft is a bad mother--"
Sulu: "Shut your mouth."
Uhura: "But I'm talkin' 'bout Shaft ..."
Kirk and Sulu: "Then we can dig it."

 

[Triskelion]

Uhura: Don't go in there! He in there! He gonna kill you!
Sulu <texting>: WUT#R#U#DOIN#NOW? HOW#ABOUT#NOW? NOW?
Kirk: Just watch the damned movie already!

Kirk: Make a note in the ship's log...Scotty died at 1400 hours. His underwear was...not clean.

Scotty: I had no idea the secret ingredient of your haggis was deer urine.
Angela: It's an old family recipe.

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"This is Captain James Kirk of the Federation starship U.S.S. Enterprise...requesting you turn down your high-beams, please?

Our species has an extreme sensitivity to intense light."

ANGELA:"Thank you for paying my dowry, Scotty."

SCOTTY:"Think nothin' of it, lass. Everyone knows Robert's broker than a hyperspanner after fallin' in liquid nitrogen."