TOS Caption Contest #137: The Red Hour

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: How 'bout you demonstrate your aural sensitivity, Lieutenant?
Sulu: I thought you'd never ask!

Kirk: Whelp, I never liked this haggis-eating shithead anyway.
Chapel (off-camera): He's not dead, sir. Just in a coma, he can hear every word you're saying.
Kirk: Well in that case -- I never liked you haggis-eating shithead anyway, lame ass drunkard of an engineer.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

"And this mysterious hominid shape caught on camera in the local woods. We believe it may in fact be the legendary Sasquatch."

"We also got some sound recordings:"

"Ma dok ta n'otta igf uut"

"This is the breakthrough of the century! This is it, people, the real McCoy!"


(I'm so, so sorry, people)

 

[JB2005]

"And this mysterious hominid shape caught on camera in the local woods. We believe it may in fact be the legendary Sasquatch."

"We also got some sound recordings:"

"Ma dok ta n'otta igf uut"

"This is the breakthrough of the century! This is it, people, the real McCoy!"


(I'm so, so sorry, people)

Fantastic!

 

[Deranged Nasat]

^ Thanks!

 

[Shatmandu]

Uhura: "Goddamn. How old is Madonna now anyway?"

Scotty: "Well, I gave ye away t'all the boys down in Engineering, I might as well give you to this bogtrotting Irish pig ..."

Kirk: "While he's out, do something about his breath. When he talks, it's like Satan farts."

 

[Rulius]

Where will you be when your diarrhea returns?

 

[Captain Crow]

McCoy: Poor Scotty, died in a tanning bed accident.

Uhura: Who the hell thought Matthew Broderick playing Inspector Gadget was a good idea?

(gunshot)

Female voice: What happened?

Male voice: I just shot my foot by accident.

(Cheesy music being played on a cheap Casio keyboard)

Uhura: Um-hm, that's right! Play that stupid cracka' off, Keyboard Cat!

Scotty: A "bird" in the hand is worth?

Woman: Fifty credits.

Scotty: Two in the "bush"?

Woman: Eight hundred credits an hour.

 

[Rat Boy]

Somebody just read Rat Boy's joke about Keenser giving Scotty a blow job joke.

 

[Triskelion]

Uhura: Captain you want fries with that?
Kirk: Curly fries.
Uhura: And two orders of curly fries!
Alpha Centauri Rally's: "NM jdk Emm ejhr >?"
Sulu: Is that some kind of alien?
Uhura: Nope. Pothead on a cheap-ass speaker.

Angela: Thanks for letting me borrow your Meatloaf album.
Scotty: Lassie, we're gonna knock 'em dead at the rec room talent show.

Kirk: Dibs on his scotch.
McCoy: Damn it!

 

[NathanielM]

[

Mc Coy: Yodala-HEEEEE HOOOOO!

Damn it Jim, I'm a Doctor not a Swiss Yodeler

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: Guess someone finally put it up his shaft.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

McCoy: "Tell me something Jim, is there a sign on my sickbay saying 'Dead Engineer Storage", is there?"
Kirk: "That shit ain't going to work twice, Bones."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: And yet, in the midst of our sorrow it should be noted that this death takes
place in the shadow of new life, the sunrise of a new world, a world that our beloved
comrard gave his own life to protect and nourish. He did not feel that sacrifice a vain
or empty one --and we will not debate his profound wisdom, in these proceedings.
Of my friend, I can only say this, that of all the souls I have encountered in my travels,
his was the most -- human.

MCCOY: Save that one for later Jim, he's gonna pull through.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Scott: "Want to see what a Scottsman were beneath his kilt?"

Lt.: "Aye."

Scott: "That too, 'n' it's a winkin'."

 

[Shatmandu]

Scotty: "Oh, dun't worry: where a Scotsman puts it, you canna get pregnant."

 

[Shatmandu]

Chapel: "Did he have much family, or a girlfriend, back home?"
Kirk, looking up: "Sheep can't talk."

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"Ahhhhhh.

The legendary Great Plume of Aggassoria!

Spoken of by past Starfleet captains...wandered too-closely-to by dead ones!"

"If Scotty doesn't make it, I call dibs on his kidneys."

 

[cooleddie74]

"Don't fret, lass...Robert's a FINE LAD.

Why, for all I know he's never even KISSED a woman before!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Chapel: "Torpedo tube?"
Kirk: "Nah. Fold him up in a box and put him out with the trash."

Kirk: "Well, if you think it'll help. <leans over, kisses Scotty>"
McCoy, laughing: "Naw, I was just fucking with you. He's dead, man."

 

[cooleddie74]

"He's only a dead, empty shell now.

Stuff him with old newspaper comic sections..hit him with a lot of Febreze...then mount him in the corner of the engine room."