TOS Caption Contest #115 - Kissy Kissy

[Shatmandu]

Uhura: "... and after doing all those nude jumping jacks, I was medically cleared to become a crewmember."

Uhura: "It's a bet. If the contest is changed over before Monday, you have to rub my feet."
Spock: "Right. And if it is not, I get to rub your feet."

Uhura: "... and I was thirty before I knew cranberry sauce didn't grow in the shape of a can."

Uhura: "My diaper and pacifier are at the cleaners, so maybe we could just do it the normal way tonight?"
Spock: "Negative. I can wait."

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Maybe I've had too much whiskey, but I could really go for some head right now."

I smell another running gag...

Spock: "Maybe I've had too much whiskey, but she's actually starting to look less like your nephew Peter."

 

[Outpost4]

Good call, Rat Boy!

Spock: "Maybe I've had too much whiskey, but I'd settle for sloppy thirds, fourths or fifths."

 

[Nerys Myk]

CLOUD FESTUS: Who order bourbon and beans?

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Maybe I've had too much whiskey, but the bartender looks a hell of a lot like Cloud Festus."

Bartender: "No – no! Only the eyes of a chief may see the dessert menu!"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "Maybe I've had too much whiskey, but I've just wet myself, and I don't even care."

 

[Nerys Myk]

UHURA: I'm staying home tonight and washing my hair, but thanks for asking.

MCCOY: Cheer up Spock. It's not like you had a shot.

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Maybe I've had too much whiskey, but I am curious to see if it is indeed true that once I go black, I don't go back."

 

[Nerys Myk]

Spock: "Maybe I've had too much whiskey, but that saloon girl looks like Uhura."

McCoy: "Since she rejected you all women look like Uhura. My prescription: more whiskey!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Mabye I've had too much whiskey, but Cloud Festus looks like Uhura."

McCoy: "Since she rejected you all people wearing skirts look like Uhura. My prescription: go have sex with Nurse Chapel and forget any of this ever happened."

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: And to think, Spock wanted Chekov to be in this landing party!

 

[Triskelion]

Maybe I've had too much whisky, but I'm thinking about wearing my holster on the inside.

Festus: What'll it be, hon?
Kirk: Four warm apple pies.
Spock: Three pies and two baked potatoes.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "... Yeah right... bifurcated. Like it's a big deal. 'Oooh look at that, two for the price of one. I bet all the women rush to your door.' No one ever thinks to ask the cost, the emotional baggage. I mean, if you passed out everytime you had a double erection cos the blood's all been drained from your brain...

Scotty... I love you man. I really love you man. You're like the most logical human I know."

Scott: "This wouldn't hae happened wi a Scotch"

 

[Shatmandu]

Good call. This might take a while to play out.

Uhura: "Maybe I've had too much whisky, but I'ma sit on yo' face and use yo' ears as handles."

Spock: "Maybe I've had too much whisky, but I'm imagining Sulu in a holster and spurs ..."

Cluod Festus: "Maybe you all had too much whisky. You cut off."
McCoy: "No!"
Spock: "Negative."
Kirk: "Don't you know who I am?"
Scotty: "I spend a lot of money here, you know."
Chekov, oblivious, whispering: "How 'bout just a blowjob then?"

And, on the other hand:

Spock, sitting down: "Gentlemen, the waiter and I just ..."
Cloud Festus: "I only followed pointed-eared one into bathroom to see if he going to cast spell in there. THAT ALL, NO MATTER WHAT HIM SAY!"

 

[Gertch]

Spock: "Maybe I've had too much whisky, but I'm imagining Sulu in a holster and spurs ..."

Yeah, a little too much.

 

[Triskelion]

Blonde: What is that sugar - a bullet?
Scotty: Careful where you point tha' wee bullet Chekov. I wouldn't wanna it tae go off prematurely in my direction.

Uhura: Maybe I've had too much whisky but I'm picking up a subspace message for you on channel sixty-nine.
Spock: Oh? What does it say?
Uhura: It say, how y'all doin', sugah?
Spock: Logical.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "We're still here."
Scotty: "Aye."
Kirk: "No changeover yet."
McCoy: "Maybe Outpost4 had too much whisky?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Obi-Wan: "Maybe I've had too much Corellian whiskey, but I believe we're in the wrong cantina."

Luke: "Maybe I've had too much whiskey, but this doesn't feel as awkward as kissing my sister.

Kirk: "Maybe I've had too much whiskey, or are Chekov's dates getting...older?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "Maybe I've had too much whisky, but I'm thinking I should have stayed on the spore planet and beefed that Death Wish guy's wife thrice a day for the rest of my life."
Scotty, after a pause: "Aye."

 

[Rat Boy]

Obi-Wan: "Maybe I've had too much Corellian whiskey, but Luke here seems to be getting a little fresh."

Chekov: "Wuke? Who's Wuke?"