TOS Caption Contest #100 - Scent-Cherry Mark

Continuing with our 100th contest celebration:



"Hello, I am Spock's communicator. Unfortunately, since he found it more logical to buy the cheapest plan possible as opposed to AT&T's far superior coverage, he has no bars even on the bridge of the Enterprise. Since he has no bars, he cannot receive the repeated messages from Mr. Scott saying that the only way to get the ship out of this quantum singularity is to reverse the polarity of the warp plasma conduits. Well, I am sure that Captain Sexpot and Doctor Redneck can figure this out for themselves."



Running Spock: "Whoops, wrong door!"



Grignak: "Thirty-one flavors you name, money I name, otherwise ice cream social noooooooooo!"



Spock: "The purchase of the letter 'O' at only a nickel is a logical bargain, Captain."

 

DEHNER: No, I won't open my "pod bay doors". And stop calling me HAL!





No matter how many times Riley tried, Spock never did get the point.





KIRK: Bullshit. You were in Pon Farr was only seven months ago. Leave denied.
BONES: Vulcans are incapable of lying my ass...

 

The Director's attempt to re-create the intensity of the famous beach scene of From Here To Eternity left a lot to be desired.
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Ensign O'Rielly: "Your Vulcan neck pinch is NOTHING compared to my Human stink finger!"
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Nimoy: "No really Bill. I bet that in 42 years, I'll be reprising this role of 'Mr. Spock' in a major motion picture; and you'll be bitching to the Director that you, as 'Captain James T. Kirk' aren't in it."

Shatner: "Yeah, right. That's about as likely as me doing margarine commercials in the next two years."

 

Balok's puppet: "YOU HAVE ONE MINUTE TO PULL MY FINGER!"

 

Riley: "Mr. Spock does my finger smell like Lt. Uhura?"
Uhura: "Shut up you skinny motherfucka!!"

 

Gary: "Doc I don't have the extra $20, but can I get that happy ending any way?"

 

Picture #2

Spock: Didn't anyone tell you it's not polite to point?

Riley: Didn't anyone tell you it's not polite to.... shut up. Gosh.

Picture #2, Take Two

Riley: (spaced out) I... really love you man. Wit your little pointy ears and your... your blue shirt. And that little blue thing you always look at... oh my gosh, is your favorite color blue? I love blue. My bed is blue. My door is blue. Woah... these buttons are blue.

Spock: I would reccomend you stop before you embarass yourself.

Riley: You're always so funny, Spocky-Wocky.

 

KIRK: A whoopie cushion Spock? Is that what passes for humor on Vulcan?

 

Reilly thought he could catch it, but the superfluous second Vulcan saliva gland was too fast for him.

 

KELLERMAN: You sure it didnt fall off? I'm not seeing it anywhere on your eyeball.

 

Sulu: "Camel Toe? Let me get my tape ..."




Diamond Jim: "If Whiskey Lips is gay, we must kick him out of our ... club."
Carl: "Or branch out into an entirely new line of business."



Spock: "Young man, I have known Captain Kirk for many years. Too many to fall for the ancient human ploy of 'smell my finger.'"

 

Spock decided not to take part in Riley's live recreation of renaissance art when the irony of Satan creating Man overwhelmed him.

 

Doctor, I can tell you're a natural blond without any tent-flap trick.

 

Spock: Mr. Riley, cease your display immediately. One officer over-acting on the bridge is quite enough.

 

Nimoy: Even the Dorn-ex-machina didn't help our ratings slump. You-know-who dragged our asses into cancellation.
Riley: You did, you tree-faced wanker! You and that hump Billy-Boy!
Roddenberry: All right, Dorn, you're fired. See you on the Andromeda set.



If TOS had holodecks....



Kirk: What I wouldn't give for Mr Spock's redundant eyelids about now.
Bones: You and me both, Jim.



Ice cream!
Give me a push-up and a chocolate cone with jimmies.



Things went downhill after Starfleet outsourced their helm positions....
Riley: You have doomed us all, needle-face!
Grignak: Price I name, target you name, otherwise fire torpedoes no.

 

Spock: I know of your fondness for antiques...
McCoy (to himself): I can't believe Jim doesn't have the Pam/Tommy Lee sex tape already.

 

Riley: "That's the one! Get him!"

 

Spock: "Who hired you?"



Spock: "What the hell are you two doing?"

Cloud William: "Reading owners manual for great sky canoe."

Spock: "The owner's manual? You guys are smarter than you look."

 

DEHNER:"Doctor Piper fed you garlic bread for your dinner...I knew it."




RILEY:"See? Told you guys my impression of the Zefram Cochrane statue in Montana was PRICELESS."




KIRK:"You tore a hole in the seat of your dress trousers?"

McCOY:"Well. At least now I don't have to ask where that damn smell is coming from."