Too Many Decisions

[Mr Awe]

I feel bad today, since I could only visit for about an hour. I have some kind of stomach bug, a bit of a fever and sinus congestion, and I actually threw up in the bathroom while I was there, and I almost never throw up, so it's pretty bad. I know she's going to be upset and sad, but I can't help it. I still visited her, even if it was for only an hour, but that won't mean much, unfortunately. I feel bad over that, too.

Caregivers have a lot of stress. I've been one, so I know. And, while you're busy providing care and experiencing stress, everyone around you is asking how the other person is doing! It's a tough situation. It's particularly worse when the person you're caring for gets upset. I took care of my grandmother and she could get crotchety! Some of it is manipulation to get you to do things there way when they don't like the way somethings going. But, you have to hold the course for their best interest.

You're doing a great job. Don't feel bad for anyting. You're doing all that can humanly be done.

Try to get some rest and relax a bit. I know that's tough to do, but make the effort.

Mr Awe

 

[Amaris]

^ Thanks, Mr. Awe.

I spent yesterday night up there with her. I was there from about 3:00 PM to 7:30 PM, then I got a call from her around 8:00 PM that she was scared because they had to do a blood transfusion, (the nurse said she had lost some blood since the surgery and they needed to replace it), and so I stayed from 9:30 PM last night to 7:30 this morning, watching over her to see that everything was okay.

I'm getting ready to head back up there tonight, but I'm not staying overnight this time. Last night still wasn't enough. This morning when I was leaving, she was pouting because I was going home instead of staying there. I know she feels alone, but I can't be there all the time. I had to clean the house, I had laundry to do, and I was bone tired.

I was thinking about Dallie a little bit ago. Dad was heading on up to the hospital, and he mentioned that he had brought one of our solar lights from the backyard and put it by the door for extra light instead of burning the porch light all night, and he said "we could use it up here, since little Dallie doo isn't here anymore", and sometimes, even knowing that it's true, the words bring a stab of reality back to the fore, and for a minute all I could think about was when she was here.

 

[Niorah]

^ Oh, she'll be with you all of your life, get used to the little stabs.

Do try to get some time for yourself, to rest and to do all the things you need to do. After all you're no use to your mum, or your family, if you exhaust yourself.

 

[Mary Ann]

Do try to get some time for yourself, to rest and to do all the things you need to do. After all you're no use to your mum, or your family, if you exhaust yourself.

This. Yes, your mother needs you, but you must look after yourself as well or you run the risk of becoming ill yourself through physical and mental exhaustion. Don't be too hard on yourself, OK?

 

[Amaris]

^ Oh, she'll be with you all of your life, get used to the little stabs.

Do try to get some time for yourself, to rest and to do all the things you need to do. After all you're no use to your mum, or your family, if you exhaust yourself.

Do try to get some time for yourself, to rest and to do all the things you need to do. After all you're no use to your mum, or your family, if you exhaust yourself.

This. Yes, your mother needs you, but you must look after yourself as well or you run the risk of becoming ill yourself through physical and mental exhaustion. Don't be too hard on yourself, OK?

That's all good advice. That said, once again I spent the night with her, from about 11:30 PM to 11:30 AM to wait for the doctor (who didn't show up until way after I left anyway). Dad's insurance company called and said they approved her for rehab in the hospital, but no word on whether that includes the use of the wound VAC, which is an amazing piece of machinery: Read about it here if you're interested. You know me, I'm a tech head, I have to know all about this stuff.

Anyway, we also told her about Dallie. She took it surprisingly well, but she will do what I did, and cry it out over the next few weeks. We all agreed that it was going to happen, and that we miss her dearly, and this Thanksgiving and Christmas will be difficult without her, but she'll always be with us and there is where she will never pass away.

So it's been a rough day, and I have to be up there tomorrow morning by 8 AM to talk with the Doctor because he wants me to go over what Dad's insurance company is outlining (since I'm the one who keeps up with all of that information). He's hoping they approved the wound VAC, and if they did, Mom's going to get real well, real fast. If they didn't, then I don't know what they're going to do.

This isn't a political point, but I swear, I wish we had UHC in the U.S. It wouldn't have been an issue for her to have that equipment and still get rehab, because that has been holding us up a week, and Mom's getting desperate to get out of there (understandably), and the longer the insurance dragged their feet, the more time was wasted on her healing. So let's all hope everything goes forward from here. I want her home and healthy.

 

[propita]

J, you’ve got to make sure that you take care of yourself. Can’t have you getting sick, too.

Be well and do something holiday-ish for yourself and your Mom, even if it’s just watching “A Christmas Story."

 

[Amaris]

They moved her up to in-hospital rehab today. Me and Dad were there for about 4 hours, and it started sleeting so we figured it would be best to get home before it iced over. Mom got upset and said she felt abandoned (even though I have spent so much time up there and Dad has spent a great deal as well), and was having a mood swing, and so we left. When she gets like that, I can't talk with her.

 

[Scout101]

Know it's a rough time for her, but in years of reading your threads? Your parents need to grow up. Know we're only getting your side of things, but they come across as childish, selfish individuals, and you seem to be the only adult in the relationship. You're putting in way more than anyone could expect, and it just seems to enable them as they get lazy and demand more of you.

At some point, you need to start thinking about yourself, and let your adult parents sink or swim on their own...

 

[Amaris]

Know it's a rough time for her, but in years of reading your threads? Your parents need to grow up. Know we're only getting your side of things, but they come across as childish, selfish individuals, and you seem to be the only adult in the relationship. You're putting in way more than anyone could expect, and it just seems to enable them as they get lazy and demand more of you.

At some point, you need to start thinking about yourself, and let your adult parents sink or swim on their own...

I know what you mean. Right now what's affecting her is the remaining infection, and I don't care what the nurse says, Percocet causes mood swings and general confusion. I've seen it firsthand too many times for it to be a coincidence.

 

[RJDiogenes]

^^ Percocet made me psycho. I won't take the stuff. It has to be Demerol or Vicodin. Also, your Mom has been in the hospital for a long time, so she's probably feeling totally cut off from reality at this point. But I'm glad they finally got her into rehab; hopefully it won't be too much longer now.

 

[Amaris]

^^ Percocet made me psycho. I won't take the stuff. It has to be Demerol or Vicodin. Also, your Mom has been in the hospital for a long time, so she's probably feeling totally cut off from reality at this point. But I'm glad they finally got her into rehab; hopefully it won't be too much longer now.

Yep. She starts the program this morning. It should be interesting to see how fast she gets on her feet (should be very fast considering how stubborn she is).

 

[Amaris]

An update: She's off the pain medications now, and they use some kind of analgesic gel for her knees (they hurt quite a lot), and they moved her to the living prep room, which is a large room not unlike a studio apartment, where she has appliances, a bed and everything else, to get her ready for home. They're thinking, with the great progress she's making, she might be able to go home this coming Thursday, which would please us immensely.

Dad's staying the night with her tonight, since I'm now sick as a dog (I stayed up there last night all night until 8 this morning), and she's so lonely. We're hoping for this Thursday release date, because she is progressing so well. It will be nice to have her home.

 

[Gary Mitchell]

^That's great. I'm glad that she's making progress. Try to get some rest or you'll end up in the hospital yourself.

 

[RJDiogenes]

That sounds great, J. She'll be home in plenty of time for the holidays.

 

[Mary Ann]

Great news about your mom, but remember to look after yourself, OK?

 

[Niorah]

Glad to hear she's doing so much better! Now dedicate some time to yourself and try not to get sicker than you already are.

 

[Amaris]

^That's great. I'm glad that she's making progress. Try to get some rest or you'll end up in the hospital yourself.

That sounds great, J. She'll be home in plenty of time for the holidays.

Great news about your mom, but remember to look after yourself, OK?

Glad to hear she's doing so much better! Now dedicate some time to yourself and try not to get sicker than you already are.

I promise. I'm taking Coricidin HBP, which is about the only thing I can take, and it seems to be kind of in a way working. So yes, I'll be good and get better.

Glad to hear she's doing so much better! Now dedicate some time to yourself and try not to get sicker than you already are.

You don't have to repeat yourself, I promise to be good! /cowers

 

[Niorah]

^ Gah. I sound like an old patronising aunt!

 

[Amaris]

Well, mom's home. No matter how hard we tried, we couldn't get the woundvac (the company renting the vac wanted us to pay $1700 up front, cash, to use it for two weeks), so her doctor sutured the wound and packed it, and sent her on home. It's going to be a rough couple of days as she's on a crapload of medications, on a home IV unit for antibiotics, and has in home nursing care for up to a month.

I'm relieved that she's home, but I'm going to be very busy from this point on, as they're going to show me how to use the IV unit for her antibiotics, and I will be the one to administer them to her on days they're not there. I've already set aside her prescriptions for each day, and I'm familiarizing myself with the equipment I'll need when dressing and packing the wound. It's 1996 all over again.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Well, she will probably do much better now that she's home. She'll be much happier in a familiar and comfortable environment, which is always helpful.