Today I'm 31...

[Jetfire]

It is my birthday and I am 31...lil more scary than 30. I look at my life...I don't have a wife, I do not have children, I don't own a house or atleast paying on one, my car is a 93' Thunderbird...would rather have a 2009 Chevy Colorado, Blue with a crew cab and shortbed, I hate my job, people younger than me are making more money even though I have more experience and I want to not wake up in the morning. How can I change this within a year? I want realistic answers not BS.




JF

 

[Hermiod]

It is my birthday and I am 31...lil more scary than 30. I look at my life...I don't have a wife,

You don't need one.

I do not have children,

This is a good thing. Nobody should have children until everything else their life is settled.

I hate my job, people younger than me are making more money even though I have more experience and I want to not wake up in the morning. How can I change this within a year? I want realistic answers not BS.

Stop obsessing about it. Apply for other jobs in your field. The sad truth is people who stay loyal get paid less than people who move around because they expect a pay bump every time.

 

[Amaris]

It is my birthday and I am 31...lil more scary than 30. I look at my life...I don't have a wife, I do not have children, I don't own a house or atleast paying on one, my car is a 93' Thunderbird...would rather have a 2009 Chevy Colorado, Blue with a crew cab and shortbed, I hate my job, people younger than me are making more money even though I have more experience and I want to not wake up in the morning. How can I change this within a year? I want realistic answers not BS.




JF

I hear you. I'll be 29 on March 17th, and I have no wife, no children, no home of my own, I have a 1999 Monte Carlo (I love my car though), and few possessions, am currently unemployed and LOTS of people way younger than me make more than I do. Don't give up.

You don't need one.

That's purely subjective. He apparently feels like he needs a companion.

This is a good thing. Nobody should have children until everything else their life is settled.

Then no one would ever have children. Life is rarely, if ever, "settled".

Stop obsessing about it. Apply for other jobs in your field. The sad truth is people who stay loyal get paid less than people who move around because they expect a pay bump every time.

Not always. The job I had where I stayed loyal benefited me 3 pay increases and 4 bonuses. Anyway, this market right now is not a job market. It's an unemployment market. Leaving one's job may find oneself without any employment for months at a time, regardless of qualifications.

J.

 

[Jetfire]

I wish I could just not wake up in the morning.

I don't want to go through another day of hating my life. I have to work later and I don't want to, I really don't want to be in this hole of a place I live in...to me my life is a nightmare, I just want it to end.


JF

 

[Jetfire]

^^

I do want someone to love, I want a family and I want a life I can be proud of...my life has been a waist...I see horrible people get whatever they want and I am begging for what I need.


JF

 

[Amaris]

I wish I could just not wake up in the morning.

I don't want to go through another day of hating my life. I have to work later and I don't want to, I really don't want to be in this hole of a place I live in...to me my life is a nightmare, I just want it to end.


JF

I'm going to tell you now: there is always something better somewhere.
If you're not finding it where you are, it's time to look elsewhere. Simply not existing does nothing but take EVERYTHING away, the good and the bad. Is nothing preferable to joy? If so, then finding a wife and being successful isn't at the root of your problems.

Sometimes, if I ever get a touch of that nagging feeling, I go outside and just close my eyes and listen. That is the essence of being. Without that, there is nothing, and nothing is never a good option.

J.

 

[Hermiod]

That's purely subjective. He apparently feels like he needs a companion.

And I'm advising him that that may not be the case. Need is not the same as want.

Then no one would ever have children. Life is rarely, if ever, "settled".

The alternative is to have children and only then think about how you're going to put a roof over their heads, pay for them, help them go to university when they get older etc.

Not always. The job I had where I stayed loyal benefited me 3 pay increases and 4 bonuses. Anyway, this market right now is not a job market. It's an unemployment market. Leaving one's job may find oneself without any employment for months at a time, regardless of qualifications.

You don't have to leave your job to look around for others. I didn't when I moved to my current job. Having a job you might not like but is still paying the bills can be a boon to finding another one you do like. I had a job I hated, was able to turn down a few offers until I found this place which has proven to be right for me. I was at my last employer for almost exactly one year. I have been here since August 2000 and have no intention of leaving.

The downside of that is that other people who joined around the same time as me have left and sometimes come back and I know they earn more than me.

 

[Amaris]

And I'm advising him that that may not be the case. Need is not the same as want.

Your need is not the same as his need.

The alternative is to have children and only then think about how you're going to put a roof over their heads, pay for them, help them go to university when they get older etc.

And you will be 65 or 70 when you do have the life "settled" enough for children. Good luck with that.

You don't have to leave your job to look around for others. I didn't when I moved to my current job. Having a job you might not like but is still paying the bills can be a boon to finding another one you do like. I had a job I hated, was able to turn down a few offers until I found this place which has proven to be right for me. I was at my last employer for almost exactly one year. I have been here since August 2000 and have no intention of leaving.

The downside of that is that other people who joined around the same time as me have left and sometimes come back and I know they earn more than me.

The market is unstable, far too unstable to play around with that too much.

J.

 

[captcalhoun]

i turned 31 tuesday. it's over-rated.

i have no wife, no kids, no house, no car, in a dead-end job being bossed around by a guy 9 years younger'n me. i don't care.

 

[Hermiod]

Your need is not the same as his need.

No of course not, but you can't define yourself by whether or not you're married. If you work on the other things first and I'm sure the companionship side will sort itself out. Not being married at 31 is not worth jumping off a bridge over.

And you will be 65 or 70 when you do have the life "settled". Good luck with that.

So you think it's a good idea to just have kids you have no idea how to look after ?

The market is unstable, far too unstable to play around with that too much.

There is nothing wrong with going on a few websites on your own time and from your own computer and having a look, is there ?

 

[Jetfire]

1. I need a woman I can love and who will love me.

2. I need children, I need to give a light to the future...I see people raising nothing but darkness.

3. I don't want a job, I want to do something I love and pays the bills. I love art, music and anything creative.

JF

 

[Jetfire]

i turned 31 tuesday. it's over-rated.

i have no wife, no kids, no house, no car, in a dead-end job being bossed around by a guy 9 years younger'n me. i don't care.

You make it sound amusing...not sad at all.



JF

 

[Hermiod]

1. I need a woman I can love and who will love me.

There's nothing wrong with that but don't let it define your life and your potential to be happy. You're not some old man at 31.

2. I need children, I need to give a light to the future...I see people raising nothing but darkness.

Again, nothing wrong with that but I'm suggesting you may want to sort number three out first and number one is kind of a pre-requisite unless you want to adopt. (And as a single man living in Britain you really do not want to try that one)

3. I don't want a job, I want to do something I love and pays the bills. I love art, music and anything creative.

You have a job. Use that safety net to explore other opportunities. This isn't Friends, all that stuff about "the fear" is a load of crap.

 

[Amaris]

No of course not, but you can't define yourself by whether or not you're married. If you work on the other things first and I'm sure the companionship side will sort itself out. Not being married at 31 is not worth jumping off a bridge over.

You can define yourself by loneliness.
You can define how you feel by needing companionship.
Your need is not his need.
You can't tell him he doesn't need a wife if that is his need.

So you think it's a good idea to just have kids you have no idea how to look after ?

Yeah, you bet. Don't have 'em at 70, have 'em at 17!

Of course not. What I'm saying is that if you wait for your life to settle, you won't have kids until it's too late to have them. Take precautions, yes, but you have to take some risk. Life rarely settles until you're dead.

There is nothing wrong with going on a few websites on your own time and from your own computer and having a look, is there ?

No, I've done it myself. But it's best not to move until everything is absolutely secured, and in this job market, lots of employers are playing wait and see because they have lots of people to choose from.

1. I need a woman I can love and who will love me.

2. I need children, I need to give a light to the future...I see people raising nothing but darkness.

3. I don't want a job, I want to do something I love and pays the bills. I love art, music and anything creative.

JF

Then that is something to work toward.
Look at your disposition. Is it something that would attract someone you are looking for? If not, think what that person might need, what they're looking for. If it is compatible with you, pursue it. If not, pursue it anyway, who knows? Life is risk. You have to take them or you could end up with nothing. Bold steps are sometimes required when you really want a relationship. Take that extra step. 6+ billion people on this planet. There is someone there for you.

J.

 

[Hermiod]

You can define yourself by loneliness.
You can define how you feel by needing companionship.
Your need is not his need.
You can't tell him he doesn't need a wife if that is his need.

Defining yourself by your loneliness is self destructive. Believe me, I know.

Yeah, you bet. Don't have 'em at 70, have 'em at 17!

Of course not. What I'm saying is that if you wait for your life to settle, you won't have kids until it's too late to have them. Take precautions, yes, but you have to take some risk. Life rarely settles until you're dead.

By settled I meant you have a home to raise them, some money to pay for that in and someone to have them with.

No, I've done it myself. But it's best not to move until everything is absolutely secured, and in this job market, lots of employers are playing wait and see because they have lots of people to choose from.

Of course they are, it still does not hurt to look.

 

[Jetfire]

I'm a dramaqueen, I just hate the wait and working and hoping...usually it just falls apart or blows up in my face. Life isn't easy for any of us unless you have a trustfund. As far as finding a woman, it takes being what a woman wants...no woman would currently want me.

This sounds silly, I just want to catch a break.


JF

 

[Zulu Romeo]

Sounds like we need to set up some form of TrekBBS Fight Club™ or something to free us from the great depression that is our lives...

I guess I'd better add something myself in that case. Just to chime in, I am 29. Yes, I'm not married, have no children (that I'm aware of ) and my job, while good, is in a state of flux at the mo. I do own my own car (the last payment went through last year ) and am a home owner since 2006, but possibly at the wrong time in hindsight, and have to pay off a lot of debt from several years back.

Right now my main priority is my job, as it is the main source of income from which all else follows. (It's a shallow fact, but it's true.) Once that is secure for the time being, anything else is a bonus, especially in terms of relationships (but that doesn't mean I'm neither looking nor interested).

Of course, I like to think that while there's someone better off than me (my younger sisters, for instance) there's always someone worse off than me, and things could always be far worse than I am right now. Heck, given the opportunity I'd be just as happy to give it all up and live in a box on Oxford Street and still be content. (You know, off the system so that Skynet won't track me down. ) The important thing is not to compare yourself to others, but to keep with yourself, set yourself your own goals, and improve yourself. You might even like it.

I'm sure you'll find a woman who sees you for who you are, Jetfire. It's easier said than done (and that's true) and heck, I've run into my own share of problems in that area (which I don't feel like going into right now). I guess that sort of thing just happens by, though, rather than making an effort to seek it out. (That part I've learned the hard way.) I wouldn't know, I have had little experience from that regard.


Lastly, if this is your first time in this thread.... you have to fight.

 

[auntiehill]

I didn't get married until I was 34, and hubby was 39. Today (Friday) is our 5th anniversary. We've had a house for about 3 and a half years.

As Hermiod said, stop obsessing. You'll get there, if that's what you want. You'll find someone when you're ready. Until then, work on being HAPPY. Focus on your job, your friends and meeting new people. When I stopped caring about being rejected, I was more myself, more confident and open to meeting people. I was about to socialize more because I had no expectations about would happen. I swear to you that I never had a really serious relationship, and thought I would be alone forever. The moment I said, "Well, I give up. I'm never going to meet someone, so I'm going to be me and have fun. Period." I stopped trying so hard---and I met someone, THE someone.

Stop comparing yourself to other people. There will ALWAYS be someone younger, better, richer, blah-blah-blah. I wasted so much of my life---YEARS of it-- being unhappy because I thought I would never measure up. That's time I'll never get back.

If you're miserable, then change something. Anything. Job, social life, travel, hobbies---something. Try it. Put yourself out there and see what happens. What's the worst that can happen--that someone says "No?"


I jumped from job to job for many years, and most of them I hated--as in, sat in my car crying because I couldn't bear to go in- hated. I now have a job I like, for the most part, and I'm making more than I ever have. And I'm pretty good at it. Try something new that's still within your skill set. Move to different companies. Loyalty to a company will get you nowhere these days. Think back on the job that made you the happiest, and try to find something similar that will actually support you. I asked friends in the same field where they were working, looked at how much I valued certain aspects of the job, and whether I could ever advance. Scour internet job sites just to see what's out there.


How can you change it all in a year? Without a magic wand, you mean? Stop living by arbitrary time-tables. Just work on yourself, and being happy with yourself.

 

[Brent]

Jetfire, haven't read the thread yet, but I am near the same boat as you. I am currently 29, I will turn 30 in November this year. I live in an apartment, rather cheap too at $625 a month, never owned a house. I do not have a wife, nor children, and right now not even a girlfriend. I own a 2001 RAV4, it will be paid off this year. I work a self contractor type job, which I do love. As I approach 30, I ask myself where is my life going at this point. You are not alone.

 

[Jetfire]

I may not be alone, but It sure feels that way.

I really wanna wake from this nightmare...back when I was in my early 20's I had alot going on and pissed it all away, I know now what I didn't k now then and it was easy back then, not iseems impossible.

I do appreciate the encouragement.


JF