My only this is keep the Deaths a secret!
But this is great!
Thanks! You're referring to "Skin of Evil" I take it? It's interesting, that was one of the few loglines I left completely untouched. I'm using Paramount's original highlight listings from way back in the day when the show first aired -- I'm just editing most of them to make sure they fit on a single line. The longer the title, the more I have to condense. Here's what Paramount originally advertised "Skin of Evil" with:
Highlight listing:
STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION –
“Skin Of Evil” – A rescue mission turns to tragedy when one of the Enterprise officers is killed by an evil alien.
Advertising copy:
SAVAGE MURDER SHOCKS CREW!
The line of duty spells death for a Starfleet officer.
TV log listing:
Enterprise officer killed! on STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION.
If you go to
cbs.com you'll see that they still use that first synopsis to this day. But if others agree with you and think that it's revealing too much, I'd consider altering it. For instance, I changed the logline for "11001001" because I felt it gave away the Bynars' true motivation for stealing the Enterprise and failed to mention Minuet. Here's what Paramount/CBS has for that one:
Highlight listing:
STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION –
“11001001” – The Enterprise is hijacked by an alien species who need the ship’s computer to regenerate the one damaged on their own planet.