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Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #564: New Jobs

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LeadHead

Director of Comedy
Premium Member
Hello and welcome to the new caption contest!

For the first time in a long while...


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Now, I didn't have the time to do winners of the contests before last week, that will happen for next weeks contest.

First up to the plate, we have the "That sign must be an HR violation" Award, going to @TribbleFeeder for:

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Picard: I believe the neon St. Paulie Girl sign might be adding more illumination than necessary on the bridge, Number 1.


Next, we have the "Spring break in the original Klingon" Award, going to @shivkala for:

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Gowron: It wouldn't be a Klingon Spring Break if someone didn't die!


Next, we have the "Excited to be Picard again!" Award, going to @inflatabledalek for:

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Stewart: This is not what I meant when I said I'd give my right arm to play Picard again.


Next, we have the "They really should've put up a banner" Award, going to @Laura Cynthia Chambers for:

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Troi: "An intervention?"
Riker: "You've had chocolate at every meal for the last month. It was inevitable."


Next, we have the "Copyright Infringement" Award, going to @IMC Headquarters for:

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MARK TWAIN: I see you're attempting to download my complete works without, shall we say, remuneration. I'll overlook the offense if Madam Guinan shares the flask of Aldeberan whiskey she keeps secreted in her hat.



Our Photoshop Award goes to @Nerys Myk for:

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DATA: Why do you keep keep hitting yourself? Why do you keep keep hitting yourself? Why do you keep keep hitting yourself? Why do you keep keep hitting yourself?
TROi: Not helping, Data!


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Two KBL's!

First, @Mr Soak:

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Kulge: This must surely be the Cup of Kahless.
*drinks*
Moments later...
Gowron: He chose... poorly.


Second, @CorporalCaptain:

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Pulaski: Thank you for the introduction, Captain. I requested my transfer to Enterprise because of your staff's now legendary ability to approach crises by convening conference, even when other captains would have considered the course of action to be obvious. You see, I love to talk, and I just know that we're going to get along famously. I have prepared a discussion of 47 ways in which senior staff briefings could run more efficiently, and I thought we could begin with that, before moving on to a brief outline of the 19 different Vulcanian voices commonly used in casual conversation....



Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, the crew takes on new jobs aboard the Enterprise-D!

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Enjoy!
 
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Riker: Okay Shelby, I do the PIcard manuever and you put your leg up on the consoles.

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Picard: Assistant Astrophysics officer? Outrageous! Wait, do I get a Ready Room?

Worf: No.

Picard: Outrageous!

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La Forge realized that the giant window on the top of the bridge might make it too easy for enemy ships to observe them.

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OBrien: I'm telling you, DS9 would be a great assignment for you too!


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Kurn: The memory foam on this chair will take time to adjust.
 
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Riker: Okay Shelby, I do the PIcard manuever and you put your leg up on the consoles.

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Picard: Assistant Astrophysics officer? Outrageous! Wait, do I get a Ready Room?

Worf: No.

Picard: Outrageous!

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La Forge realized that the giant window on the top of the bridge might make it too easy for enemy ships to observe them.

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OBrien: I'm telling you, DS9 would be a great assignment for you too!


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Kurn: The memory foam on this chair will take time to adjust.

Wesley is...ok with that.
 
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PICARD: I'm the...um...the the Emergency Command Hologram. Yes. That's right. I'm assuming command because of uh, the crisis. Yes.
WORF: Then why are you not wearing red?
PICARD: Uh...slight visual parameter malfunction. Uh yes. Mr. Data? Take a moment to lock it down.
 
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Security Chiefs Personal Log Stardate 44407.2: I caught Commander Shelby perving at Captain Rikers bum, I am adding her to my personal list of suspected perverts. This is Un-American er, I mean Un-Federation like behaviour.
 
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O'Brien: Seriously, sir. How did the Discovery crew survive this kind of lighting?

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Kurn: Why is there a dead Targ in front of my chair?

Riker: No reason...
 
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O'BRIEN: The lighting fuse blew again. The problem is that the fuse box is located in the Holodeck. Which happens to be looping James Cameron's Aliens...
 
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La Forge: We don't take kindly to threats. If you fire at us we will...

Redshirt Ron: Pssst! Sir! The viewscreen is 90 degrees to your right.

La Forge, under breath: Son of a...

[La Forge turns to face viewscreen]

La Forge: ...we will blow you out of the stars.
 
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Thanks for the win

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La Forge (thinking): What else can I do to kill my Command track career?
 
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Nobody wanted to look as Riker proved how much a man he was.

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"I wear a blue shirt now. Blue shirts are cool." Oh, wait, wrong show - phew.

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Geordi, never having been the center of attention before, does what any proper nerd does: Look toward the door where he can have a chat with his counselor.
 
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Picard: I was never particularly happy with the change in colours for the uniforms. I mean, red? Isn’t that to hide the blood of security officers?
 
Thank you for the win. Your taste is, as always, impeccable!

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Riker: Personal Log--I'm Captain, my first officer is an attractive female, and my first act is to fire upon an enemy ship captained by Picard himself. Has Q been reading my diary?

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The Ghost of Christopher Pike: Look, so you get stabbed through the heart. You can settle for a less than ordinary life, or do you feel like you were meant for something better? Something special? Enlist in Starfleet.

Picard: Enlist? Sure, I mean, I do look better in science blue than command red.

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Geordi: Acting captain? What next, Chief Engineer?

Troi: Don't let the job go to your head. You're only an acting captain. And, wait, aren't I technically a Lieutenant, if not a Lieutenant Commander? Shouldn't I be the acting captain?

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O'Brien: Yeah, I messed up with the lighting, what are you going to do? Ship me off to some remote Cardassian outpost?

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Kurn: Sir, I must protest, this job is beneath a Klingon Warrior!

Riker: You are replacing an integral part of our crew, Mr. Kurn, now do the role you were assigned!

Kurn: Yes, sir. *Ahem* Captain, I am detecting deceit coming from the obviously lying alien on our screen.

Picard: Thank you, Counselor Kurn, your insight has been indispensable.
 
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