Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #558: Life with Father

[2takesfrakes]

"Lal, have you found a Purity Ring you like ... for when you make your Abstinence Pledge?"

 

[Tenacity]

Riker's holodeck oral sex adventure with the Alien face-hugger didn't go quite the way Riker imagined it would.

Lal: Father I been going through your browser history.
Data: And?
Lal: There are many disturbing searches for "Father-Daughter Love Fests."

Deanna (whispering): He so adorable when he's sleeping.
Alexander (whispering): Like a little angel.

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Will: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to file my log for today.

Kyle: You mean your "First Officer's Log"? How ever will they get along without your log?

Will: You're a mean drunk.

Kyle: I'm sober, what's your excuse.

Worf: Just watch out for the acid spit, Commander.

Riker: What's that? OWWWWWWW!

Lal: I have researched all of Earth history. I particularly like the music of Justin Bieber.

Data: I see. I have failed. Time to hit the auto-destruct button on you.

Alexander: I don't want to be a warrior, Dad. If you have a problem with that, scratch your nose. Cool, thanks! I'm going to become an artist!

Riker: Why is it these simulations can't do better than to give me the same fake wife?

 

[Captain Crow]

Alexander: Wow! I've never seen anyone go down that fast from a paper cut before.

Worf: Bite me.

Riker: Ow! Not so tight Cleopatra.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Riker: Be happy to let you look up the time for your connecting flight home, just let me finish deleting my browser history.

Worf: OK, I definately would not have let Mrs. Troi take my son to a mud bath if I had known it would end like this.

Lal: So I am named after one of the Teletubbies?

Data: Counselor Troi did make me change it slightly.

Worf: My legs are now as useless as your ability to sense anger in obviously very angry people.

Riker: Just like my childhood, being caught tromboning in my room by dad.

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Hours later, it was finally time to admit neither of them could fix the computer themselves.

Data: Yes, I can see straight through. Perhaps I should have put something in there.

 

[Qonundrum]

Alexander: "Daddy?"
Worf: "Yes, son?"
Alexander: "What does 'regret' mean?"
Worf: "Well son, a funny thing about regret is, that it is better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven't done. Unless it was my ex-wife or at least her cousin's former roomate named Jennifer. Now go back to 'Family Ties', this isn't the show for that!"

Riker: "Oh Minuet, how you've changed! You're so ribbed and so wooden!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

I am Groot.

 

[Catarina]

"Is it your intention to mate with me? Because your hand placement suggests you want to. Play me like you do your trombone, commander. Rawr. "

 

[Mr Soak]

Data: These are what humans call "funny cat videos", but without an emotion chip, they are rather perplexing.

Lal: Ha.

 

[Finn]

Will: See, Dad! I even got a B for that presentation on the NX-01 back in the second grade
Kyle: And your teacher gave your classmate an A for saying Cochrane was sober during first contact.

Second Officer's Log: I deliberately avoided making Lal resemble Tasha so Geordi wouldn't worry. However, Lal still reminds me of her. I am not certain if I am doing this right. I have made an appointment with Counselor Troi...

 

[Herbert]

Riker: Well sure, notebook screens have gotten smaller in the future but the resolution is so good that I can see details in porn that I never could before.

 

[Captain Crow]

Riker: Your Ebay listing said you were selling official David Tennant and Matt Smith sonic screwdrivers. These pieces of junk you sent me look nothing like them you targ turd! I WANT MY FORTY-TWO HUNDRED BARS OF GOLD PRESSED LATINUM BACK!

Riker's Dad: Dealing with important business I see.

Jonathan: I thought when they said "Mitchell" was going to play my dad I was going to get to work with Joe Don Baker.

Mitchell, under breath: Putz

 

[2takesfrakes]

Alison Elbl (puppeteer) : " ... Frakes! Dammit! Quit choking it, you're breaking my friggin' wrist off!"

 

[JirinPanthosa]

KYLE RIKER: When are you going to meet a nice woman, settle down and have kids?
WILL RIKER: Done, give it ten years, and WAAYYYY ahead of you.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Alien: I said, do you have time for a quick word about the Gspblztnntstasz's Witnesses, dammit!

 

[Nerys Myk]

KYLE: I told you that mail order computer repair course was a scam.

 

[Tenacity]

Dad: Sure a lot of people display pictures of their mother, but I took that shot on our wedding night and I feel it's inappropreate for you to have it as your home page image.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Kyle: "Nice drawing. What's it supposed to be? A zebra with the mumps?"
Will: "*sigh* Picking up right where you left off, I see."

 

[Finn]

Alexander: I wish mom was here. She'd know what to say to comfort me.
Worf: I know what she'd say to me, and it wouldn't be comforting.