Data: "I will have the projector set up momentarily. Thank you all for waiting so patiently and-"
Riker: (loud snore)
Data: "-quietly." *sigh*
Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #543: Are we there yet?
- Thread starter LeadHead
- Start date
Data: "I will have the projector set up momentarily. Thank you all for waiting so patiently and-"
Riker: (loud snore)
Data: "-quietly." *sigh*
Picard: "Who's singing "Blue Velvet"?"
Having no programed sense of smell, Data was unaware his continuing experiment in eating had produced flatulence so pungent...
BEVERLY: Ooh, you're doing so good son! Press that button! Ooh, now press that button! Isn't he doing wonderful?
DATA: Doctor Crusher, is this what is known as 'Helicopter parenting'?
BEVERLY: What? No, I give Wesley lots of space! Ooh, what does that blinking light mean?
GOLDSHIRT: You know that was my post until it was given to a certain high schooler with no experience.
PICARD: Would you like some cheese with that whine?
PICARD: How beautiful. Every one of those blue streaks is a ship that was rammed into by a tiny piece of space debris traveling at sublight speeds and was destroyed in a giant fiery explosion.
DATA: Oh, when you said 'Cut power to all non-essential systems', you meant non-essential for *you*. Restoring oxygen to the bridge.
PICARD: We can't even afford a star backdrop for this episode? How much did we spend last week?
Thanks for the KBL, @LeadHead!
Picard: Captain's log, supplementary. The crew keeps complaining that there are no privies; we should consider addressing this during our next upgrade. But putting fires out at warp through the force field in my ready room: priceless; recommend this feature be maintained.
Picard: Captain's log, supplementary. The crew keeps complaining that there are no privies; we should consider addressing this during our next upgrade. But putting fires out at warp through the force field in my ready room: priceless; recommend this feature be maintained.
Last edited:
Driver training, 24th Century style.
Riker: Move the stack onto that seven.
Picard: I thought you and Data were playing Columns.
Worf: Solitaire is without honour. Pyramids is where it's at.
Crewmember up the back: Have you uncovered that last ace yet?
Data: Isn't it annoying when others give you unsolicited advice? I have calculated the odds and the odds of you finishing are 13%.
Captain's Log: I must issue citations to the Engineering personnel who built my little putt-putt practice range.
Data: Commander, wake up. I have a proximity alarm; The Captain is on a turbolift headed for the bridge.
Picard: Prepare to fire phasers. Let's cut this nebula in half. After all, two halves make a whole. We can escape through the hole.
Star Trek: The Next Generation - The Lost Episodes
Here's a peek at an episode that was partially filmed but the shows producers decided to drop. Many of the scenes filmed were incorporated into subsequent episodes. This episode was to be entitled: Vacation
[Captain's Log, Supplemental: We are en-route to planet Risa for a much needed break from duty. I am happy to report that most of the crew has performed beyond my expectations in these many trying months. I am, however, questioning my earlier decision to make Wesley Crusher an acting Ensign and let a teenager pilot the ship. While he's a bright kid, several of his actions at the helm have caused me concern.]
[Cut to bridge. Captain Picard enters the bridge from his ready room]
Picard: Commander, status report.
Riker: We're nearing the Risa system Captain.
Riker: Ensign Crusher, check your drift. We don't want a repeat of yesterday.
Crusher: Uh, yes sir. No problem. I won't get us anywhere near the star's corona.
Riker: I was actually referring to you nearly colliding with that transport full of Bajoran orphans.
Data: That was the day before sir.
Riker: Wait, wasn't that the day that Wesley got lost? We had to deliver the medication to Dremeck II for that Availian flu outbreak and we ended up in the neighboring star system.
Crusher: Uh... no sir, that was last week...
Data: Ensign Crusher is correct sir. That event occurred 5 days, 11 hours, 13 minutes and 47 seconds ago.
Riker: Okay, whatever. Just watch your panels Wes.
Crusher: Yes sir. Coming up on Risa.
Picard: Drop us out of warp Ensign.
Crusher: Yes sir!
Picard: Where the hell are we?
Data: Sensors indicate that Ensign Crusher dropped us out of warp right in the middle of a gas giant.
Riker <off screen>: Oh sweet Jesus...
Picard: To think I was worried about a blind man piloting the ship.
Data: To Ensign Crusher's defense, we are in the correct system this time.
Here's a peek at an episode that was partially filmed but the shows producers decided to drop. Many of the scenes filmed were incorporated into subsequent episodes. This episode was to be entitled: Vacation
[Captain's Log, Supplemental: We are en-route to planet Risa for a much needed break from duty. I am happy to report that most of the crew has performed beyond my expectations in these many trying months. I am, however, questioning my earlier decision to make Wesley Crusher an acting Ensign and let a teenager pilot the ship. While he's a bright kid, several of his actions at the helm have caused me concern.]
[Cut to bridge. Captain Picard enters the bridge from his ready room]
Picard: Commander, status report.
Riker: We're nearing the Risa system Captain.
Riker: Ensign Crusher, check your drift. We don't want a repeat of yesterday.
Crusher: Uh, yes sir. No problem. I won't get us anywhere near the star's corona.
Riker: I was actually referring to you nearly colliding with that transport full of Bajoran orphans.
Data: That was the day before sir.
Riker: Wait, wasn't that the day that Wesley got lost? We had to deliver the medication to Dremeck II for that Availian flu outbreak and we ended up in the neighboring star system.
Crusher: Uh... no sir, that was last week...
Data: Ensign Crusher is correct sir. That event occurred 5 days, 11 hours, 13 minutes and 47 seconds ago.
Riker: Okay, whatever. Just watch your panels Wes.
Crusher: Yes sir. Coming up on Risa.
Picard: Drop us out of warp Ensign.
Crusher: Yes sir!
Picard: Where the hell are we?
Data: Sensors indicate that Ensign Crusher dropped us out of warp right in the middle of a gas giant.
Riker <off screen>: Oh sweet Jesus...
Picard: To think I was worried about a blind man piloting the ship.
Data: To Ensign Crusher's defense, we are in the correct system this time.
Picard: Is this view-screen TN or IPS?
<Offscreen> Riker: 8k IPS sir, got it at a bargain on Frenenganar.
Picard: And you think this amount of backlight bleed is acceptable?
Riker: You can hardly notice it when your’e playing video, sir!
Picard: When your’e playing ‘video’ you mean.
The episode where Picard turns into a salty New Yorker
Picard: I’m drivin’ over here! <tugs at crotch, flips off Warbird>
Wesley: If we had spore drive we'd be there already.
Everyone Else: Shut up Wesley!
Riker: Wait...we're actually letting him drive the ship? For real? I thought it was like one of those dummy toy steering wheels you have for your toddler in the car.
Picard: There's two planets out there named after Archer. Zero after me. Bugger.
Data: You know, we really should not keep the lighting this low. It is far too easy to mistake the "Fly safely" button with the "Crash straight into planet" one.
Picard: Looks dangerous, summon an expendable black guy with no name to take over the helm would you, Number One?
Data: "sir, they are all naked."
Picard: "that's right, Mr. Data. This small planet is dominated with young healthy and in-shape girls who do not wear cloths. Clearly they need to be part of the Federation."
Riker: "Ensign Crusher, stop squirming. Stop. Stop. I said stop. Why are you squirming. Stop adjusting your pants. That's an order, ensign! Everybody, look at him awkwardly."
Crusher: My God. It's full of Picards.
Had a boo-boo, unable to edit my original message.
Picard: "Mr. Data, are counselor Troi and Doctor Crusher still on their way to the Bridge?"
Data: "Affirmative, sir."
Picard: "Dim the lights."
Data: "Dimming the lights. Ambient lumen's have been decreased by 60%."
Picard: "Play something by Barry White."
Data: "Computer: play a random selection from the 20t century Earth singer Barry White."
Computer: "Understood."
Picard: "Well, number one, the mood is set. Ever had an orgy while in command? Number one? Number one? Bugger fell asleep. No matter -- I can take things from here."
Data: "Sir, I am programmed in various techniques."
Picard: "Good. I hope one of them is not looking at me while I do it."
Beverly: If someone ever makes a dramatic recreation of our lives, I'd definitely use this in the opening title sequence
Riker: Should we all just pretend you didn't hit that?
Who at Utopia Planitia designs the captain's window to overlook the waste dump portal?
Data: I will probably be blamed for this somehow
Picard: Worf, go outside & wipe the front window off
Second Officer's Log: An alien intelligence has taken over the Enterprise computer, and identifies itself only as CORTANA. I am endeavoring to restore manual controls and revive the crew.
CORTANA, background: These updates help protect you in an online galaxy.
Picard: Ah! Fog! We're back in England.
Data: You are "French", captain.
Picard: Ahhhh! Fog! We are back in England!
Captain's Log. Someone has tied a string of empty canned goods to the nacelles. I have no idea what this portends. We also appear to be dragging...rice? in our wake. How very curious.
Riker: This kid set the console to imperial units. Frickin' hipster.
15 minutes later
)
WES: I had some spare time on my break, so I reinvented the Spore Drive.
ALL: Shut up Wesley.
Similar threads
