Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #543: Are we there yet?

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Social Media" Award, going to Laura Cynthia Chambers for:

Picard: "Check it out. I just liked your latest log postings."

Next, we have the "Everybody loves puppies!" Award, going to inflatabledalek for:

Riker: Right, so what is the priority here? Rescuing Alexander, or the lizard?

Worf: What a silly question. It's the puppies.

Next, we have the "Lily Tomlin" Award going to Triskelion for:

Riker: I'll search for intelligent signs of life.
Worf: I'll search for intelligent signs of technology.
Data: I'll search for intelligent signs of interior design.

Next, we have the "Does Data have to wear the goggles?" Award, going to Herbert for:

Picard: Welcome Miranda. Is Ambassador Kollos with you?

Next, we have the "Apologies" Award, going to Tenacity for:

Picard: "Worf, you need to be more careful."
Worf: "I regret the hole in the bulkhead."
Yar: "I think he meant the three people standing in front of the bulkhead."
Worf: "I said I was sorry."

The award goes to Finn for:

First Officer's Log. "I programmed the computer to have K'Ehleyr and Jadzia attack him in some kind of mud flat. He is going to be in heaven"

Five KBL's this week!

First, Smellincoffee:

Tasha: We only needed the lock jimmied, but blowing away the door will work, I guess.

Second, Leviathan:

Riker: Hey, anybody seen a ghost?

Manager: Thank you for coming so quickly. The guests are starting to ask questions and I'm running out of excuses.

Data: Has this ever happened before?

Manager: Well, most of the original staff knows about the twelfth floor ... The disturbances, I mean ... But it's been quiet for years...Up until two weeks ago ... It was never ever this bad, though.

Data: Yes, sir. Don't worry. We handle this kind of thing all the time.

Guest: What are you supposed to be?

Riker: We're exterminators, somebody saw a cockroach up on twelfth.

Third, CorporalCaptain:

Tasha: Oh, yeah. It was unlocked after all.

Fourth, shivkala:

Worf: Sir, it appears something blasted a hole in this wall.

Picard: Keep up with the deductive skills, Lt., and one day, you might make Security Chief.

Yar: Over my dead body.

Leadhead: And the "Low Effort" Award goes to shivkala!

And finally, woodstock:

If you focus Worf, we can beat totally beat Data and Geordi's score on Dance Dance Revolution.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, even with warp drive it does take awhile to get anywhere in the galaxy, what do the crew do to pass the time?

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Data: Wesley, I am distressed that you have been unable to deactivate the screensaver.

Riker: Position report, Mister Crusher.

Wesley: In the exact middle of Nowhere Sector.

Picard: Picard to Bridge, I think we forgot to disconnect the refueling assembly before leaving Starbase 74.

Data's spoken word album didn't go over well with the bridge crew.

Picard: Does anybody remember the way out of this nebula?

 

[Nerys Myk]

WES: Course locked in sir. Time to boot up some Call of Duty.
PICARD: Make it so.

 

[Orac]

Picard: Mister Data, are you certain there's no record of a phenomenon similar to this? I swear I saw this exact same thing in an episode of Star Trek.
Data: Absolutely no record sir. You must be experiencing what was once refered to as The Mandela Effect.

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win!

Data: Now, slow us down to impulse. Okay. Finally, there are two asteroids over there, please perform the "parallel parking" maneuver.

Riker: Commander's Log Supplemental--These are the times that try a First Officer's soul. The decisions one makes are likely to be the toughest decisions of their lives. Thousands of lives rest on my decisions. I must weigh each and every option carefully before bringing them to the Captain. For instance, should I report Wesley for playing a game or congratulate him on his high score?

Picard: Captain's Log--Is that a smudge? Is it inside or outside? Hmm, looks inside, I guess I should clean it. What if it's outside? Can't exactly clean it, then. Oh, it's going to bother me. Let me just get a rag...and it's on the outside! How does a smudge even get on the outside of this window? I guess I'll just have to have Wesley do an EVA to clean it.

 

[Herbert]

Thanks for the win, Leady

Picard: Whoops, barn door's open. zzziiiiiiiip!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard: "What the merde? Picard to Commander Riker -- tell the cleaning staff to step up their game; I can see streaks all over my window."

Riker: "Self-cleaning ship, sir."

Picard: "Don't contradict me!"


RETRO CAPTION
Since I had a good idea for a picture from the last one and I couldn't pass it up!

Picard: "Tasha, could you open this jar of pickles for me?"

BANG, CRASH!

Picard: "Goddamnit, Tash! You broke the whole fucking jar of pickles!"



AND NOW BACK TO OUR NEW PICTURES...

Riker: "Perhaps our time would be better spent elsewhere, Captain."

Picard: "Negative, number one. Janeway insists there was coffee in this nebula and I'm sure if we keep looking long enough I'll find tea, early grey, hot."

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Picard: "Whoever decorated my ready room has lousy taste in art. "
Riker (os): "That's a window, sir."

 

[Herbert]

They've faced Romulans, destructive space phenomena, the borg, and Q. But they were not prepared for what awaited them in this unexplored sector of space....

The Boy: Sir, we've picked up a circular object approaching us at warp 9. It's on an intercept course.
Picard: On screen.
The Boy: It's too far away, can't get it a visual yet
Data: Captain, speed of the object has increased to warp 12. It will overtake us in 36 seconds.
Sinistar: <over the comm system> Beware, I live!
Picard: What the hell? Shut that off, Lt.
Worf: I can't sir. It's on every channel
Sinistar: <over the comm system> Run, run, run!
The Boy: oh crap! now it's right behind us.
Sinistar: <over the comm system> I hunger, coward!
Picard: Helm, evasive maneuver delta five six. Mr Worf, ready aft torpedo tubes.
Dr Crusher: I just had to delay my departure for Starfleet Medical by one day.....
Sinistar: <over the comm system> Wroooaaarrrr!

 

[Noname Given]

Geordi: "Man...24th century space porn is boring on the big screen."

 

[Tenacity]

Data: "The fleet of Borg cubes will overtake us in 15 second, someone wake up Commander Riker."

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Such a lovely night. I think I'll step outside.
COMPUTER: Hull breach. Captain's Ready Room. Hull breach

 

[shivkala]

Data: Typical. I am the only one working the day after the Super Bowl.

Picard: Mr. Crusher, ETA?

Wesley: One speech, Sir.

Picard: What?

Data: Due to your longwindedness, Sir, the crew has taken to measuring time by your speeches. Ensign Crusher was expressing that our ETA is in about 30 minutes, sir.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: And would you like to hear the next chapter of my book, Commander? Commander? Commander Riker?

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win!

Crusher: Try moving the mouse?
Data: We have explored that alternative.
Crusher: Hit the keys on the keybo-
Wesley: Did it, mom.
Crusher: Restar-
LaForge: Yep.
Crusher: Well, at least it's not stuck on that weird brick maze.

Riker: Crusher, what "hot bae" are you texting while on duty?
Picard: And does your mother know about this?

Picard: Captain to Engineering. Increase power to 9.0 before they realize we "forgot" Ambassador Troi on the other ship!

Picard: Zoom and enhance.
Data: On...what part of the screen, sir?
Picard: Whatever part has the exit. Zoom on it and enhance it, and we'll escape through there.
Data: That is not now our optical tools work, sir.
(beat)
Nor reality.

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Crusher: Don't you ever get bored looking at the same screen saver all the time?

Picard: (looking around the bridge, thinking) Good god, after Tasha died whenever Troi isn't on the Bridge it becomes a right sausage fest!

As Captain, Picard could choose his office, by sheer coincidence it looked into the female changing rooms.

Data: Lifeforms! You insignificant little lifeforms! You worthless little lifeforms! Death to you!

Data: Sensors are picking up a highly complex electrical pattern directly ahead of us, Captain.
Troi (os): Captain, I'm sensing intelligence out there!
Picard: Mr Worf, begin broadcasting Picard Pontification Programme Delta-19.
Worf (os): Aye sir.
Picard-Recording: Non-corporeal lifeform, this is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the starship Enterprise, representing the United Federation of Planets. We come in peace and wish to establish contact with all those new and undiscovered species of the galaxy...
Picard: Good work everyone, now relax for the next thirty minutes until the programme ends.

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Leadhead!

Wesley: Well I'm glad we survived and everything, but did anyone else get a creepy vibe from that Traveler?
Geordi: What, he seemed like an OK guy to me.
Wesley: No, I just mean - around you guys, sure -
Data: Perhaps you are muddling his evolved emotional serenity for a baser motive, Wesley. Those "creepy vibes" would not exist on a higher plane of evolution.
Wesley: Mom?
Beverly: I think he was just gay for Mozart, Wesley. But who isn't?
Geordi: I'm gay for Mozart.
Data: I am also gay for Mozart.
Wesley: OK then I guess on a higher plane of existence "DON'T PHASE ME BRO" means something else.

Riker: Sorry sir. Sensors show no sign of any such post.
Picard: Look again!
Wesley: <shakes head>
Riker: Are you sure you saw it there before?
Picard: Yes, dammit! It was damned hilarious too! It kept going on about how the female fans want an all-female crew and there was something about an all-Norwegian crew and Klingon fanboys and a crewman who was every minority anagram jumbled into one - check again!
Riker: Perhaps if you could remember the poster?
Picard: You know, it was, it was that one guy! He's one of the funny old hands, he posts every week - what's his name...Varzok? Shmunj?
Data: There are no members by that name on record in this quadrant of the galaxy, sir.
Riker: It sounds unlikely, sir. Not to mention patently offensive. I mean, if it mentioned all those labels. A veritable PC minefield.
Data: That would depend upon whether the "labels" in question were self-selected referents or outgroup perjoratives, sir.
Worf: Could be both. Just sayin'.
Crewman: <snort> Klingons.
Riker: Look sir, if it was there it's gone now. So it won't be receiving any like from you. And we've already done the "Clues" one so there won't be any second go-arounds this time.
Picard: Well, I was stricken in bed with Hong Kong Down 'n Dirty Flu for a week; maybe it was just some ancient Chinese-medicine-fueled, fever hallucination....
Riker: That does seem more likely, sir.
Picard: I also spent about four hours believing I was an umbrella stand.
Data: Now I know why Humans put the "Like" button on the same line as the "Report Post" button. Perhaps there is a deeper existential reason....
Wesley: Yeah, same line, but if you are on the right, you hit "Like/Quote/Reply"; if you are on the left, you hit "Report".
Picard: But it was a brilliant hallucination. The sheer lyricism!
Riker: <tedious sigh>Yes sir.
Wesley: Course, sir?
Riker: Keep steering us away from any Space Holes, Wesley.
Worf: Ah, the perfect name for the all-Klingon fleet that destroys all the others! Q'Pla!

You kids get off my sector! Damned kids.

 

[Herbert]

Riker: Begin night shift. Data, you have the con. I'm going to take a nap.

 

[Herbert]

Picard: Mr Data. Warp... um... 6? 4? Whatever, just move this thing.
Riker: Heading, Mr Crusher?
Wesley: No idea sir. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just a TV space explorer.
Ensign Extra: <in back> I didn't even go to Starfleet academy.
Data: If we were actually in space right now, I'd be freaking out!
Riker: AHHH! I don't do supernovas.
Picard: But thanks to the TREKBBS caption contest, we can at least look like we are exploring space.
Data: Is that Borg cube or a Rubik's cube?
Worf: We're the TV explorers of space and we're here to tell you......um.......what are we here to tell you?
Wesley: I don't know. I'm just pushing fake buttons over here.
Worf: Whatever. Everyone! Space Explorer poses!

 

[Leviathan]

Thanks for the KBLA!

Captain log, Stardate 44012.3: ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!