Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #541: Jeffries Tubes

LaForge: I bet you get "Ro, Ro, Ro Your Boat" jokes all the time.
Ro Laren: Nope. Killing those who try usually warns the others off.


LaForge: Out, damned Spot!
Riker: The captain's penchant for Shakespeare is infectious.
LaForge: Methinks the first officer does protest too much!

 

RO: Dammit, I don't have enough change to break a $100.

 

Commander Data - Intergalactic Staring Contest Grand Champion

 

Worf: I will have your awesome shoulder pads!

 

Riker: Geordi? Is the UT picking up anything?

Geordi: Yes sir. The dog says there's a voice that keeps on calling him...down the road is where he'll always be...oh and every stop he makes, he makes a new friend.

Riker: Careful. He probably can't stay for long - just turn around and he's gone again.

Geordi: Maybe tomorrow he'll want to settle down?

 

La Forge: "What do you mean the Klingon ambassador ate our last glommer?"

 

La Forge: So, uh, that Jeffries guy, he wasn't so good at designing tubes for comfort, was he?

Ro: Still more comfortable than a Cardassian work camp.

La Forge: You really got to bring that up every damn conversation?

Ro: Yes. It's in my contract.




Worf: Open the door!

Wesley: Uh-uh, what's the magic word?



La Forge: Engineer's Personal Log--Crap, which one is the ODN Conduit again?



Picard: I'm so glad there was enough interest to get Professor Doohickey to visit us for a lecture on sentient machines. It's nice to hear the prospective from a highly evolved machine.

Data: Sir, I am a highly evolved machine.

Picard: No one likes a braggart, Mr. Data.



La Forge: We found the dog, but no sign of Spot.

Riker: I'm not going to be the one to tell him!

 

RIKER: It's the 24th Century, there must be a better way to keep these tubes dust free.

 

Ro: Commander, I still don't understand how drilling a small hole above crewman Henshaw's quarters is a valid hull integrity test.

 

LaForge: All ready for final installation. This device will keep people from falling through the floor in case they ever get phased.
Ro: Pffft. That'll never come up.

 

Picard: "Explain, Data."

Data: "Sir, it is a Workbot. It can clean intake manifolds, scrubs warp engine housings, repair and replace various system pieces as needed during an emergency without having to sacrifice a crew member Troi style."

Picard: "Hum. Excellent. Can it remove awkward weird-looking beards?"

Geordi: "Hey!"

Picard: "Remove that thing, Mr. LaForge; that's an order! There can be only one beard aboard this vessel."




Geordi: "I'm still hearing that music."

Ro: "The scanner isn't finding anything."

Geordi: "It's like a flute and piano. Maybe it's just a phantom noise; a coincidental cluster of sounds."

Ro: "I'll try flooding the tubes and junctions below dry plasma just to make sure."

Geordi: "Good, good."

 

Riker to Picard, We found what's behind the fourth wall...

 

Geordi: Well that explains the big rubber bone.
Riker: Oh, I'll stick with my original hypothesis anyway.


Picard: Data, do you foresee any need for having these devices aboard a starship?
Data: I do not believe so, sir.
Dr: They could provide any number of critical functions in hostile environments, such as operating warp core controls on an enemy vessel.
Data: Warp core control sequences are typically able to be operated automatically with little things called blinky buttons, Dr.
Dr: It's your show....

 

Geordi: So that's why the Jeffrey tubes smelled like your quarters!
Riker: Huh? I don't get it.

 

Geordi: Ro, why are we installing a camera above Commander Riker's sonic shower?

 

Ro: When you said we were going to take the tube to get into the bowels of the ship, this isn't what I had in mind.
La Forge: Well, if I had said we're going to crawl for hundreds of feet, skinning up our knees and hands, would you have come?
Ro: Point taken

 

\
And now a scene from Star Trek: The Next Technobabbulation

Ro: This? This is a Oscillating Nucleonic Nutrino Actuator. Model 2.3.8
La Forge: So that's an Oscillating Nucleonic Nutrino Actuator. Model 2.3.8? I've only read about those. Does it calibrate variance within three nano fluxes?
Ro: It sure does. It also sports an alternating positron stabilizer that can calculate the tolerances to within 7 jimijules and neutralizes any interference from surrounding inverted quantum fields.
La Forge: 7 JIMIJULES?? Good god, woman. You'll kill us all!
Ro: Relax. I installed the gimmegonk interface. It will regulate the polaron dampening and dissipate any micro wavefront escalation way before gravimetric buffer tolerances are reached.
La Forge: That's a relief. I have a date later.
Ro: Oh? Did you buy that positronic android female approximater with the magnatomic shudder control when we stopped off at Starbase 12 last week?
La Forge: I'm thinking about naming her Christy.
Ro: Awkward

 

Geordi: Sir, we found Jeffrey!

 

Ro: <Turns machine off> Wait, how did we get roped into this dirt duty?
LaForge: What do you mean? This is some futuristic shish kebab right here.
Ro: I mean, here we are, a refugee and a differently-abled dude -
LaForge: So?
Ro: Sweeping up stray particles...from the floor...after hours....
LaForge: I don't follow.
Ro: In custody of the engineering equipment....
LaForge: Yes, from the engineering department....
Ro: Do you not see where I'm going with this?
LaForge: Hello...? Differently-abled dude?
Ro: Oh, you're differently-abled, all right.
LaForge: That reminds me - the sonic urinals on deck two need more cakes.
Ro: Sigh. <turns machine on>
LaForge: THEY'RE SONIC!!!