Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #504: April Fools!
- Thread starter LeadHead
- Start date
Frasier: So help me if this entire thread is "Cause & Effect" jokes.
Frasier: And for the record, my brother and I are NOT the same person!
Daphne: You look just like that Captain Morgan Bateson man...
Frasier: Dangit!
Spiner: You appear with Frakes, your character comes on to him. You appear with me, my character is gonna be seasick in 5 seconds.Just not fair.
Picard: I smell Earl Grey tea...
Is this post the cause or effect of the ensuing thousand jokes?
Frasier: So help me if this entire thread is "Cause & Effect" jokes.
Captain's Log: We've been stuck in some kind of temporal loop. To pass the time, I started a story about a pompous guy living in Boston then Seattle during the late 20th Century....
I based his brother on the ship counselor. That twit sprays disinfectant on the consoles all the time *mutters*
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Martin: And they wouldn't let you take Eddie on the Bozeman?
Frasier: No, they said it would be too derivative of Porthos, from Enterprise.
Niles: Porthos - the Musketeer? On the Enterprise?
Martin: Dumas.
Niles: It's pronounced Doo-ma.
Martin: OK
Bibi: Check out the Starfleet chicks in the leotards. Floss much?
Roz: Talk about being up the crack with out a paddle!
Martok: Just who are you supposed to be, Niles?
Barclay: I am Lieutenant Barclay, and this is my date, Counselor Troi. Heard of her?
Troi: You look a bit overgroomed for a mother superior. Are you repressed?
Martok: I'm not Mother Superior, I'm General Martok!!!
Troi: Oh - is he the Klingon Wee Willie Winkie?
Martok: That's enough out of you, you wanton troll, or I'll smite your bawdy backside with the flat of me sinewy right hand!
Troi: Yep, he knows Counselor Troi all right.
Lilith: I brought my flippers.
Spiner: Yahtzee!
Picard: And then I made this gesture and took over helm from the boy.
Bateson: See, I would have never promoted him in the first place.
Picard: His mom is hot.
Bateson: Ah. This gesture, you say?
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LILITH: And do you think you could sign the autograph "Data"?
Picard, undercover: Captain's Personal Log: the "Earl Grey" sold in grocery stores here should not be confused with proper English Earl Grey.
Data, undercover: Ohhhhh shhhhhhhhhh-
Lieutenant, also undercover: Our choices for blending in with the natives differ, sir.
And that's when he realized his life was so mundane it was as if he'd never left the time loop
You'll be laughing out the other side of your face when I mutate & turn blue....... Seriously.... I'll probably chew off half your face.
Lt. Barkley's Cyrano Debergerac holodeck programs got a little out of hand when he began adding real life people like Morgan Bateson
Spiner: THERE'S A MAN ON THE WING OF THE PLANE!
Newirth: Damn Star Trek actors
Stewart: C'est Magnifique
Grammar: No, seriously. Stop pretending you're French. You're really terrible at it.
Martin: Frasier? Are you even paying attention?
Frasier: I'm listening.
Martin: Oh, no, you're not pulling that crap on me! I changed your diapers, I think I know when you're pulling a fast one on me!
Niles: Mom said you never changed a single diaper.
Martin: You're missing the point, Niles, Captain "I'm Listening" can't even pay attention to his own father.
Frasier: If you were halfway interesting, I just might, Dad!
Frasier: Nope, definitely Margret Cho.
Roz: Damn, I was sure that woman behind us was Rosanne!
Bebe: Either way, think she needs an agent?
Daphne: Costume ball? As befitting my English heritage, I wear this all the time! I didn't even know it was a costume ball! Are you even listening to me?
Frasier: Shh, I've found Waldo!
Lilith: You're looking pale!
Albert: I'm always this pale.
TNG Fans Watching at Home: 'Cause he's Data!
Patrick Steart: Oh, I do love a banger in the mouth! Oh, I forgot, in the United States you call it a "sausage in the mouth."
Kelsey Grammar: We just call it a sausage.
"They told me I couldn't be captain anymore, because I was grossly underqualified to command in the 24th Century, so here I am. How I wish I'd chosen Boston...
Frasier: "Be careful Roz, that woman will take your soul. She is Fek'lhr reincarnated!"
Brent: "Wow, how long did they have you in the chair to look like that?"
Lilith: "Oh, this isn't makeup."
Brent: "Yikes!"
Bateson: What do you think, Dad? Should I take command of the Melbourne or let Starfleet find somebody else who can wear Captain McGillicutty's size XXXL pointed hat?
Picard: Why does everything smell...green?
Bateson: Sorry. My housekeeper is a Mancunian. I guess it's from somewhere around the Vulcanian homeworld.
Picard: Do they still call it that? On Vulcania they shortened it because rappers kept calling it "Vulvania".
...
Bateson: I'd like to meet a Vulvan.
Picard: Perhaps you should hitch a ride next time your housekeeper charters a starship back to Mancunia.
Daphne: I'M FROM MANCHESTER YOU WARP KNOBS
Fantastic Fact: That dog was treated better by every Fraiser director than Levar Burton was treated by Stuart Baird.
Grammer: THE TRANSFORMERS MOVIES ARE PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE CINEMA.
Reg: I think my Bergerac program has gone wrong.
Fraiser: I should say, no one here even looks like John Nettles.
Spiner: Oh let's see what the in-flight movie is...
Independence Day Resurgence?!?!?!
Stewart: Wait... how long did it take to get into that Beast make up? And they paid you how much less than me? Someone needs a better agent.
Bateson: Let's go have a drink. I know a little place where everybody knows your name. Everyone there is so relaxed - well, except for Saavik.
Picard: Fine, I just hope they don't have a Morn living there.
PICARD: This I think, is a two-pipe problem.
BATESON: Elementary Dear Data was the last contest. And you don't even have a pipe!
BATESON: Lucky for me I can duck out on these two by simply saying. "Computer end program."
ROZ: What was that Frasier?
BATESON: Computer, end program.
ROZ: What are you on about? What computer? And What program?
FRASER: oh, dear.
Picard: Make that a three-pipe problem
PICARD: This I think, is a two-pipe problem.
BATESON: Elementary Dear Data was the last contest. And you don't even have a pipe!
