Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #505: The Measure of an Amazing Episode

Hello and welcome to the new contest!



First up to the plate, we have the "Cheating, dear Data" Award, going to Triskelion for:


Holmes: Yes come in - Inspector LeStrade!
LeStrade: Uncanny, Holmes! How did you know it was me?
Holmes: The scuff of the soles of your shoes on the stair denote the purposeful tread of full time professional investigator; while the rustle of your tweed topcoat suggests its wearer has left it unfastened - the vesture of a man familiar with being exposed in the elements, yet still requiring a gentleman's code of habiliment - hence, an officer of the law. I deduced your rank as Inspector by the softer tread of your associate, rather than the heavier clump of a lower ranking enforcer; and your direct steps toward my humble study could only mean, of course, a prior knowledge of its interior. This left none other in all of London than yourself, Inspector LeStrade. Elementary!
LeStrade: Uncanny, Holmes!
Watson: Also, we saw you crossing the street from that big window.
LeStrade: Uncanny, Holmes!

Next, we have the "Butterfly in the Final Frontier" Award, going to tharpdevenport for:



Levar: "So, Brent, what do you think I'll be doing on Reading Rainbow today?"

Brent: "Reading to elementary school kids, my dear Watson."

Next, we have the "Simple Solutions" Award, going to Mojochi for:



Picard: So? What's the big deal?

Geordi: He's holding Dr. Pulaski captive

Picard: Well, beam her out, & shut down power to the entire deck, for god sake. Do have to think of everything?

Next, we have the "Hooray for the Henry Starling" Award, going to Finn for:



Moriarty: Is it possible for your people to come up with a device I might wear...perhaps on my upper arm...to enable myself to move around the ship freely as you do?

Pulaski: That's crazy talk!

Next, we have the "All those doors look the same" Award, going to Jedman67 for:


DATA: "Computer, load program 221B, Baker Street."
COMPUTER: "Shuttlecraft Baker is prepped for launch. Enter when ready."
PICARD: "Wrong door, Data."

Next, we have the "Poor Direction" Award, going to Inflatabledalek for:




Fantastic Fact: That dog was treated better by every Fraiser director than Levar Burton was treated by Stuart Baird.

Next, we have the "Dangerous Agents" Award, going to rcjames for:



Frasier: "Be careful Roz, that woman will take your soul. She is Fek'lhr reincarnated!"

Next, we have the "Achievement Unlocked" Award, going to shivkala for:



Daphne: Costume ball? As befitting my English heritage, I wear this all the time! I didn't even know it was a costume ball! Are you even listening to me?

Frasier: Shh, I've found Waldo!

Next, we have the "Repair Procedures" Award, going to Hutchy01 for:



Your Soong-series android may experience software errors when aboard fixed wing jet aircraft to remedy this problem turn it off and back on again.

Next, we have the "Cheers" Award, going to Triskelion for:


Bateson: Let's go have a drink. I know a little place where everybody knows your name. Everyone there is so relaxed - well, except for Saavik.
Picard: Fine, I just hope they don't have a Morn living there.





The award goes to Smellincoffee for:


Picard, undercover: Captain's Personal Log: the "Earl Grey" sold in grocery stores here should not be confused with proper English Earl Grey.




Three KBL's this contest!

First, Leviathan for:


Picard: ...and due to low participation, Formal Friday will be converted back to Casual Friday.

Next, Mr. Soak for:



(Because someone has to)
LaForge: No s#!t, Sherlock.

And, Finn for:


BATESON: Not fair! Picard gets Vash and I get Bebe....

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

 

After taking a week off for the April Fools contest, we return to Season 2 with "A Measure of a Man."















Enjoy!

 

Louvois: I've reviewed the case carefully and it turns out Federation law does require you to pay parking tickets on pre-warp planets.

Picard: Outrageous!




Computer: Verified, Lieutenant Commander Data. Has saved U.S.S. Enterprise 6 times compared to Wesley Crusher's 5.



Riker: Okay, I really don't know how to reattach this. Little help?



Guinan: Irish coffee to help you write your closing arguments. C'mon, you have to do a big speech. Q is probably watching.




Picard: Mister Data, you really didn't need to go into THAT much detail about your experience with Lieutenant Yar. Commander Riker, I hereby order you not to request transcripts from this hearing.

 

Thanks for the wins ...


First Officer's Log: I tried out the NX-01 holonovel today just in case...

 

Riker: "Data, I'm going to need a hand here."

*Data detaches hand*

Riker: *rolls eyes* Ok, then...



Guinan: "Something on your mind?"

Picard: "I'm just trying to figure out why your bar lights up. Like seriously, what is the point? All i can see are spots."



Tasha: "Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."

 

Rule 34. No exceptions.

 

T4TW Leadhead!

Louvois: So let me get this straight: That's "Tea?" And then "Earl Grey?" And "Hot?"
Picard: No - no "and."
Louvois: Ah. So that's just Tea," "Earl Grey," and "Hot."
Picard: No, "Tea, Earl Grey, Hot."
Louvois: That's exactly what I said.
Picard: No, you said "That's just 'Tea Earl Grey and Hot."
Louvois: No, you are misquoting me.
Picard: No, you are misquoting ME!
Riker: I could check the record, sir.
Picard: Make it so, Number One.
Riker: Computer, please replay the visual record of the last minute....yes, it says right here, she is correct, sir. She said "Tea," "Earl Grey," and "Hot." Nothing more.
Picard: THAT IS EXACTLY MY POINT. If anyone is being misquoted here, surely it is I!
Louvois: No, surely that would be "me?"
Picard: No, I! Not you!
Louvois: I never said it was me.
Picard: You said - AND I QUOTE - "Surely that would be me." ME!
Louvois: Yes, not "I"!
Picard: WELL ! I AM GLAD WE ARE ALL IN ACCORDANCE THEN!
Louvois: Fine. I'll add "Dancing Near the Warp Core" to your list of code violations. Strange thing to admit, though. Maybe you should retain a counselor.
Picard: Aaaaarrrrrrggggghhh!
Riker: Believe me - he's tried.


Data: I will give you my hotplate when you pry it from my cold, dead hand.


Data: Be gentle with her, sir. She's got a date tonight.


Guinan: What's wrong?
Picard: I'm giving a speech to the archeological counsel tomorrow and I need a word that rhymes with "ziggurat."
Guinan: Wow, archeology is hard!
Picard: I know, right?


Picard: And now let's bring in Spot and watch what happens.
Louvois: I've always wanted to see this.
Data: Sigh. I'll go get the rake.

 

Data: "Waaaaaarrrrrmmmm...."


Guinan: "Uh oh. I know that look. Two prune juices, coming up..."

Picard: "Mr. Data, please identify People's exhibit 1."
Data: "It is a lifelike replica of Lieutenant Natasha Yar-"
Picard: "Thank you, Data."
Data: "- and the only one currently missing from my collection."
Picard: "I said THANK YOU, Data. (sotto voce) You're not helping your case with comments like that!"
Data: "But I swore to tell the whole truth, sir."
Picard: (sighs, tugs at collar) "Defense moves to strike that comment from the record..."


Data: "And then their leader said, "We mean you no arm." Naturally, I thought he was speaking with a Cockney accent..."

 

There are around 5000 possible jokes for this image. Six of them are family-friendly.

 

Louvois: That's it. Scrap this thing and toss it out the airlock. Court adjourned!

 

Data: *buzz* What is Wisconsin?

 

PICARD: And what possessed you remove a rare Tasha Yar action figure, hereby referred to as Exhibit A , from the box? Rendering it practically valueless!!!
DATA: They are meant to be played with sir.
PICARD: Played with? Are you hearing this? PLAYED WITH!!!! They are collectibles. Co...llect...IBLES!

 

PICARD: Come on, what could happen if we give androids equal rights? It's not like they're going to reelect Nixon or anything.



DATA: I do solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And if you don't believe me you can just check my brain's logs.



DATA: Now is it my turn to remove YOUR arm?



PATRICK STEWART: You know, Whoopi, you look really good in...The Color Purple.
WHOOPI GOLDBERG: That joke wasn't clever the first time you tried it.



DATA: Tasha and I were...intimate.
LOUVOIS: Wait, wait, back up. When you had sex with Lt Yar, you weren't drunk yet. But SHE clearly was under the influence of a virus that you knew to take away her self control thus remove her ability to give consent?
DATA: That is correct.
LOUVOIS: I've come to a decision. You do indeed have equal rights, and you are hereby charged with rape.

 

GUINAN: So the contractor was drunk and these were supposed on the ceiling?
PICARD: Yep. The Corp of Engineers is rife with alcoholics.

 

Data: "What were you planning on doing with that?
Riker: "You probably don't what to know ... I'll be in my bunk.

 

Riker: That's a good point, actually. Shouldn't Starfleet personnel always be armed?




Picard: Commander Data, are you seriously telling this court that you have no idea why there is a starship tactical console directly behind me?

 

Data: We had hoped to keep it a secret, but we are dating. She is here for emotional support.

 

Riker: "And the grip is how firm?"

 

Louvois: Listen very carefully to what I am about to tell you I will say this only once

PICARD: Only once?

Louvois: Yes, only once

Riker: But you said that twice!

Louvois: ......



DATA'S LOG: I have decided to try my hand at an old earth custom where people photocopy parts of their body using the work place photocopier and leave the images for coworkers to find. Unfortunately the old 3d printer I found in storage was not big enough for me to sit upon.



Riker: I'm afraid I will have to confiscate your left arm Data. It's a suspect in a robbery and may have been involved in other crimes. I may have to call upon you as a witness if that's ok.



Picard: there are four drinks!

Guinan: I can't tell if that's drink induced double vision or just wishful thinking

 

Picard: I've brought my 1st officer along, because you've been a little too sexually aggressive, and it's making for a rather uncomfortable working environment



Data: I assure you, your honor, I am completely incapable of "Toasting" any of the bread in here



Riker: Made in Taiwan. I rest my case, your honor.



Picard: You keep no other portraits of your crewmates, Why this one?

Data: I would have thought that was fairly obvious captain. She is the only dead one

Picard: Can I get a recess?



Picard: So basically... you've been stalking me since the day I was born...

Guinan: Tea?