Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #498: Ferengi!

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate we have the "Good Point" Award, going to JirinPanthosa for:

JEROK: Okay, seriously. You believed the Pakleds but you don't believe me?!


Next, we have the "That mint condition Tasha Yar action figure will be MINE!" Award, going to Smellincoffee for:

Romulan Aide: My lord, I cannot help but notice that the Klingons do not distract themselves from business by staring at their devices.
Sela: I am thirty seconds away from winning an online auction. There are are priorities.


Next, we have the "Let's solve a mystery" Award, going to inflatabledalek for:

Romulan: At least, the secret of O'Brien's rank will be revealed to us!


Next, we have the "Babylon 5 Appreciation" Award, going to Ithekro for:

TOMALEK: Oh the guy with the peacock hair? Don't worry about him. I spar with him on the holodeck every week. We go on like we are ambassadors on some sort of space station. Quite the fun rivalry it is.


Next, we have the "Beside Vulcans, only Picard and Data can do it, and you're not Picard or Data" Award, going to Mojochi for:

Worf: WORST..... VULCAN.... NERVE...... PINCH..... EVER!

The Award goes to Leviathan for:

Captain's Log, Stardate 43349.2: I have amended and updated Worf's security report entitled "The Battle of the Flashlight" to the more accurate "Security got his ass kicked by half-dead crash survivor and was a sore loser about it later".

Our KBL goes to Catarina for:

B'ETOR: Returning ex co-stars are so repulsive.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, our next villains to attack the Caption Contest are the Ferengi!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Lieutenant Yar, either de-magnify or I'm replacing you with Lieutenant Worf.

Worf: (thinking) Why did Riker make ME escort the Ferengi to their quarters?! I have dozens of lowly ensigns on my staff who could do this!

Riker: Close your mouth, your breath is toxic.

Portal: I hereby condemn this species to be an inadequate foe and mostly comic relief.

Daimon: Your bridge is impressive, ours is just a blank white wall.

 

[shivkala]

Picard: I always feel like somebody's watching me.

Worf: ...Klingon hair gel, you say? How much?

Riker: You have a little bit of tube grubs on your upper lip. Here, let me...

Ferengi: We do not wish to talk to this pink one. We want the one with the, you know, out to here!

Picard: Captain's Log--Perhaps it is my prejudice against Ferengi for what happened to the Stargazer, but, no, they really are horrible at improv. There's no doubt about it. No sense of comedic timing.

 

[Hutchy01]

Worf: Riker gets to escort a beautiful woman and I have to escort two comic relief villains. This is without Honour.

The 1987 winner of worst musical goes to...

The Ferengi Barbershop Trio present...

 

[Leviathan]

TFTW!

Riker: Is this going to be a 'Yoda' thing where they turn out to be smart?
Portal: Ah. Ummm. They're more 'Grover' than 'Yoda'.

 

[Nerys Myk]

TARR: Hold me back, guys or I'm totally gonna kick this guy's ass!!! Hold me back! Hold me back!!!!
(Gets a worried look)
Seriously hold me back.

 

[tharpdevenport]

"Congrats, Commander, you have passed the test. You may now grow a beard. It makes you look wise and shit."

Data: "Remarkable, Captain. The Ferengi are casting shadows from a light source which is not behind them."

Data: "He is still pretending he has no microphone even though we can hear him breathing, Captain."

Picard: "Merde! I knew I shouldn't have typed something other than the U.S.S. Stargazer in the interests section. Mr. Worf, next him."

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PATRICK STEWART: ...You're really trying to do the Ingmar Bergman thing?
DIRECTOR? Yeah.
PATRICK STEWART: Don't.

FERENGI: We have a business proposal to you. We wish to purchase your counselor, I believe her name is Troi. ...Where are you going?
WORF: We're beaming down to a Klingon planet so I can murder you and Starfleet can't prosecute.

FERENGI: ...What are you doing?
RIKER: I'm rendering you unconscious.
FERENGI: By putting a cloth over my mouth?
RIKER: Yes.
FERENGI: You know I can still breathe through my nose.
RIKER: You'll be out cold in a moment.
FERENGI: You're not really interfering with my blood flow in any way.
RIKER: Any time now.
FERENGI: If I pretend to go unconscious will you take your hand out of my mouth?
RIKER: Don't patronize me.
FERENGI: Oh, no, I am rendered unconscious...*closes eyes*
RIKER: No, no, I know you're lying, this won't do! We're staying here until you fall unconscious for real.

PORTAL: And you're supposed to find these people...threatening?
RIKER: I'm pretending out of politeness.

FERENGI ACTOR: Can we stop slouching over and just stand up straight? My back is really starting to hurt.
DIRECTOR: No, you need to slouch over and jump around like monkeys.
FERENGI ACTOR: ...If we are supposed to represent the flaws of modern humans, you have a REALLY low opinion of the modern man.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win!

Ferengi: Hey! Hey! Over here! Give me a close up! A CLOSE UP, YA JERK!
...thanks for the sour persimmons, cousin.

Worf: I will take your "private military contractor" idea to the captain, but I believe he is content with our current security system.

Ferengi: We are far from home. Our ship is broken. We need things that make us go.
Riker: ...are you pretending to be Pakleds?
Ferengi: Whatever works, hew-mon. We've got engine problems and you Starfleet types are known to be real pushovers.

 

[Ithekro]

TFTW

Daimon: Your just too good to be true. I got my eye for you.

Picard: Which one of you sold them 20th century music packs?

Mr. Klingon, sir. We have a deal for you. A nearly completed battle station. It is orbiting a forest moon in the outer fringe of the quadrant. It is fully armed and operation. It still needs some work to become mobile. Our asking price is low. Only three Galaxy-class starships and three months on Risa every year for the next three generations of our respective Houses.

This tie suits you better. Even more so over your mouth. Maybe you can become a trend setter and make a huge profit with just that. You'll be Nagus within three years, tops.

Each of us has at least three businesses generating thousands of bars of gold-pressed latium every year. What does your puny excuse of a officer have compared to that!

There was a sale on furs. Cheaper than dirt. They wanted our ear wax, but we insisted on Oo-max from their prettiest females while they extracted it. Than they gave use 10,000 sets of furs.

 

[Nerys Myk]

COWELL: Horrible. Awful. Cabaret. Karaoke.

 

[Mojochi]

Thanks for the victory

Picard: Dammit Doctor, reset the magnification. You can examine one more closely after I kill them.... He didn't hear me say that, right?

Ferengi 1: Would you like to enter our Mr. Universe beauty pageant?
Ferengi 2: You have no idea how difficult it is to find contestants we actually have a chance of beating

Riker: There. All cleaned up... Guess who gets to do the burpies....... Oooooooh Worf?

Riker: Toxically flatulent little bastards aren't they?

Daimon: I was going to complain about how you clothe your females, but their ears are exposed... so I guess we're good

 

[Nerys Myk]

ROM: It's true, my brother owns a bar in the Bajor Sector. He promised me a job when I get out of the service. You should look me up if you get out that way.
WORF: No thanks, I wouldn't be caught dead in the Bajor Sector.

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Oh, the old big-head psychout, eh? Ops, ready my overhead strobe light! Counselor! Turtle Wax!

Worf: Ever try prune juice? Walk this way.
Ferengi: If we walked that way we would actually want the prune juice.

Ferengi: What is this, DS9?
Ira Behr: Don't make me take my shades off to find and kick your butt!

Riker: Any idea what causes their wild gesticulations?
Brian May: I had the same problem with Freddie - until I got him a padded bicycle seat.

Daimon: So... Bilions dead for totalitarian Marxism... Prime Directive thumb-twiddling while billions continue to suffer and die all over the galaxy... Introducing the Borg to our Quadrant... Rolling the dice with the timeline-tweaking Q Continuum... Conscripting children for deep space missions... Skants for men.... But we still have pockets, so we're the bad guys?
Henchman: Where are Starfleet Headquarters - California???
Daimon: Actually....

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Zoom out a little.
WORF: That is zoomed out .
PICARD: Damn

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Picard: "This is the ugliest wallpaper ever..."

Middle Ferengi: "Handlebar mustache! Grow a handlebar mustache!"
Left Ferengi: "These are only the shadows of things that have been..."
Riker: "What's that hissing sound?"

 

[inflatabledalek]

TFTW Leadhead!

inn fact, double thanks as I forgot to thank you last week.

Some people said the remake of 1984 would never top the John Hurt version.



They were right.

Worf: So hey, what happened to your fur costumes, jumping habit and energy whips?

Ferengi: We do not discuss it with outsiders.

Riker: I just got these from that Japanese vending machine, have a sniff... I'm not convinced they've been worn.

Ferengi: There are two good reasons clothed females are a bad idea.

Bok: I've summoned you here to look at my ship's sexy ass.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Left Ferengi: "Where are we?"
Right Ferengi: "I thought I calibrated the transporters..."
Center Ferengi: "The Voice...hey, we're on an Earth TV show!"
Right Judge: (to Left Judge, sotto voce): "You were asking why we turned around the chairs? Now you know..."

 

[Leviathan]

Shown here, we have a rarely seen photo of an on-set tour: Michael Dorn (Middle, in costume) Rick Berman (left) and Brannon Braga (right).

 

[Finn]

Dorn's Journal: Fortunately, my agent managed to convince the producers to get rid of the scene where the two Ferengi beat up me....