Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #465: Open Lord

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "From one Apocalypse to another" Award, going to Inflatabledalek for:

Dathon: X-Men: The Last Stand, its continuity undone!



Next, we have the "Thanks Data" Award, going to Honorable Ensign for:

Fortunately Picard never discovered the "Data will take care of it" slow shift nap rule.



Next, we have the "Between a Rock and a Hard Place" Award, going to JirinPanthosa for:

WORF: How was I supposed to know that was the Rock People's signal for friendship?
RIKER: It was part of our mission briefing.
WORF: Maybe we can put their princess back together.



Next, we have the "The People's Captain" Award, going to Nerys Myk for:

FERENGI: Why aren't you digging?
PICARD: I'm management!



Next, we have the "Breakdown in Communication" Award, going to Triskelion for:

Riker: Fire!
Worf: Fire? My phaser?
Riker: No, it's on fire.
Worf: Set my phaser on fire?
Riker: No, the room is on fire!
Worf: I was gonna say, phasers are always pretty much set on "fire".
Riker: What the hell are you talking about?
Worf: You set a phaser to stun, or kill, but not fire.
Riker: THE ROOM IS ON FIRE!
Worf: So - phasers?

The "Imminent Sexual Harassment Training" award goes to Finn for:

Captain's Log. The Ferengi didn't make Vash take off her clothes. Oh well

Our KBL goes to Mr. Laser Beam for:

Dathon: Picard and Dathon at the timeshare.

Picard: Merde...



Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Our mystery continues!

The clues so far:

Thread titles:

Ambush!
Free Drinks!
Inevitable Betrayal
Research Agreement
Honorable Example
Crime Wave
Manipulate
Call in a Favor
Call for Adventurers
Mandatory Quest
Open Lord

Other clues:

Wil Wheaton is connected to this pattern and it has nothing to do with Mass Effect or The Big Bang Theory.

All of the thread titles are Intriguing.

The Wil Wheaton connection also connects Patrick Rothfuss and Felicia Day to this.

The mystery is related to Dungeons & Dragons (but not to a movie)

New Clue:

The new contest title includes one of the words of the solution.

Lords _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Can you fill in the last two?

And now, lets give some other people access to the Captain's chair this week.

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: If you're looking for Riker, I'm not going to be happy.

Worf: Commander, the boy is flying erratically again. It is making me sick to my stomach.

Data: Mister Crusher shall remain at the helm and I shall move to different part of the bridge.

Chief Medical Officer's Log: I didn't realize just saying "Red Alert" would set that off, I thought somebody had to push a button or something. Everyone's gonna be really pissed when they get here...

Worf: Ready phasers.

MacDuff: There's nothing out here, sir.

Worf: Follow my orders!

Riker began to get less subtle in his campaign to get a chair with armrests.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Picard: "Is it Captain Picard day already? Those guys! They shouldn't have..."

Worf's personal log: "On a Klingon ship, command is a constant battle to retain control, assassination can be expected around any corner, and one's decisions are always questioned at the point of a Dk'tahg. On Federation ships, holding the captain's chair is somewhat different. Captain Picard steps out to the bathroom, he switches off the android and leaves it in his chair so no one else can sit there."

Crusher: "Computer, what is the size of the universe?"
Computer: "The question cannot be answered to any degree of accuracy given current scientific data, please specify acceptable parameters for estimation."
Crusher: "Phew! Every April first it's the same gag. Evacuate the ship while I'm not looking..."

Worf: "“Lay on, MacDuff, and damned be him who first cries ‘Hold! enough!’”"
MacDuff: "I was born to be a tactical officer. Firing phasers and photons!"

Data os: "Data to Captain Picard, you cannot be beamed back to the ship at this time. An alien force or influence, or contagion has rendered the entire organic crew comatose. I am investigating as to the cause. Please stand by."
Picard on comm: "Is that Riker sleep drooling on my chair? That will play havoc with the Corinthian leather. Remove him immediately!"
Data: "Yes sir, although I feel inclined to question your priorities at this time."
Picard: "Corinthian leather, Data! Corinthian leather!"

 

[TommyR01D]

Picard's speeches had been getting rather lengthy as of late.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Picard: What the devil are you doing on my bridge?
Ardra: Picard! You BELIEVE in me!

Worf: Commander, there are only two goldshirts on the bridge. Request more officers be stationed at the auxiliary posts in case of an attack.
Data: Actually, Lieutenant, the spot of "being overwhelmed to prove the situation is serious" is yours in perpetuity. We have no more need of cannon fodder when you fly so well.

Worf: I take it you enjoyed Chief O'Brian's bachelor party, Commander?

Crusher: Is that..WESLEY? Computer, identify transmission!
Computer: "Plebes Gone Wild, Vol. XLVII."

MacDuff: Lysian ships ap-
Worf: Blow them out of the stars..
MacDuff: Done. They blowed up real good, captain. Oh! Satarran ship coming into vi-
Worf: Fire everything!
MacDuff: Actually, I think they might be good guys --
Worf: In space, all warriors are cold warriors. Fire!
MacDuff: Shouldn't we hail them first?
Worf: What are you, in league with the bald man now? YOU'RE fired.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: Not sure if Ardra is a really good magician, or if Q has gotten kinky.

When Data captains the night shift, he does not let the bridge crew go to the bathroom until the shift is done.

BEVERLY: Computer?
COMPUTER: *beep*
BEVERLY: Answer me this. Why does the window in ten forward curve upward when deck ten is in the part of the ship that curves downward?
COMPUTER: *beep beep boop* Unknown.
BEVERLY: Ha! Got you there.

WORF: I'm starting to think that somebody erased our memories in order to make us destroy their enemy.
MCDUFF: That's ridiculous. If they could erase all our memories like that why wouldn't they just incapacitate us all, steal the ship and run it with their own crew?
WORF: Hmm...good point. Fire torpedoes.

And this is how Commander Riker learned not to hit on the Vulcan ambassador.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: You had better not be making Marionette motions above my head.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Pardon me.

SCOTTY: He likes that seat.

 

[jep]

Crusher: "Why won't this thing flush?"

Data (OS): "Perhaps it is because that is not a toilet, doctor."

.

 

[Nerys Myk]

MACDUFF: Sir. I've never trained at tactical.
WORF: Do you think I had, when I took over from Tasha? Just start pushing buttons!!!

 

[Nerys Myk]

TACTICAL: Dr Crusher! We're surrounded and the Romulan ships are powering up disruptors!!!!
CRUSHER: Wow, this is nothing like the simulations.

 

[Hutchy01]

WORF: This is the closest I'll ever get to my Captain Worf series, I'd better savour it!

 

[shivkala]

Ardra: Captain's Log-I make this look good.

Data: Acting Captain's Log-I need a catch phrase. Captain Picard has, "Make it so." I wonder if, "Wubba lubba dub dub," would work.

Dr. Crusher: Doctor's Personal Log-I hope the Captain doesn't find out I farted in his seat. Too many cwaysants this morning.

MacDuff: It's asking us if we want to update to LCARS 10 now.

Worf: Microsoft is without honor!

Picard: OS Oh, for God's sake, every time I start a monologue. I swear, it's not funny anymore!

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Either leave my ship or I shall have to remove you by force.
Ardra: Go ahead and try.
Picard: Mister Worf.
Worf: Lieutenant Johnson.
Lt Johnson: Ensign Hurlihee.
En. Hurlihee: Acting Ensign Crusher.
Acting Ensign Crusher: Cadet Lefler.
Cadet Lefler: Future Grandmother of my child Doctor Crusher?
Dr Crusher: Jean Luc.
Picard: Dammit!
Ardra: Now how to reset these radio knobs....

Worf: Captain Picard lets us go to McDonald's.
Data: Finish your diagnostics and we shall see.

Orange Crush: If there's nothing wrong with my hair, there must be something wrong with the botanical emulsifer....

Worf: Go to alert status.
MacDuff: Which alert? Red, Yellow, or...?
Worf: Begin Separation Sequence.
MacDuff: ...Do what now?
Worf: I want a level three diagnostic on all onboard dielectric systems.
MacDuff: Sir, you're not making any sense!
Worf: Beam the shuttle directly into space!
MacDuff: What the...I don't even....
Worf: MacDuff! Are you questioning orders??
MacDuff: No sir! Just - not sure how you would like me to carry them out, sir.
Worf: Report to transporter room one for an away mission to the planet's surface.
MacDuff: Sir, there's no planets around here! Are you hazing me, sir? Do I look like some kind of moronic Acting Ensign?
Worf: Ha ha, you catch on quick, MacDuff.
MacDuff: Thank you, sir.
Worf: Now report to sickbay for your mandatory cavity search.
MacDuff: Ha, good one, sir.
Worf: That was an order, Mister MacDuff.
MacDuff: Sir? Yes sir! <leaves>
Acting Ensign Crusher: And he calls me the moron.

Captain's log, supplemental: What happens in Delta Vega stays in Delta Vega. Unless it's space crabs.

 

[Finn]

Data: Commencing Data daydream program Alpha Tasha Omega Five

Worf: *under his breath* Every damn time he sits in the Chair.

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Worf: Have you ever noticed how beige the bridge is? It is without honour.

As Crusher settled into the Captain's chair, Borg all over the galaxy knew fear.

It became a tradition on the E-D, after the Security Chief was killed/promoted the nearest guy in a redshirt was appointed to take over.

As the years progressed, Riker became less and less subtle about wanting to be in the Captain's chair.

He even resorted to hiring an exotic alien prostitute to try and convince Picard to retire.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard (off screen): "Oh, man, I totally shoudl have eaten at Taco Bell, Chipolte, and China Wok last night at that Starbase."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Picard: Bridge to Admiral Magnum. Your ex-wife's in my command chair again.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Thanks FTW Leadhead!

Picard: Do my legs look that good when I'm in the chair?

Worf: Oh look. There's the psychiatrist's chair. Yeah, give the useless shrink somewhere to sit on the bridge. Where's the security chief's seat? Oh, that's right, five decks down in a cupboard.

Crusher: Wow, it doubles as a bidet as well!

Worf: Now I am the Captain, in retrospect having a physical barrier between me and the man responsible for my safety is a bad idea.

Riker: *SNIFF* Croissants for breakfast again I see Sir.

 

[T'Ressa Dax]

Riker finally made it to the big chair, now it's time to catch up on all that missed sleep!