Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #458: Honorable Example

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to this very late caption contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "But can we reference your character from The Practice?" Award, going to Nerys Myk for:

CHAPMAN: Any idea where we are?
EMERSON: First person to say Lost gets punched.



Next, we have the "Being rude to Service Personnel" Award, goes to tharpdevenport for:

"Here's your tip!"



Next, we have the "Hitting Rock Bottom" Award, going to Triskelion for:

I hate Chucky Cheese. Why did I even come in here, I'm an adult woman with a job.



Next, we have the "Passion of the Interest" Award, going to indycar for:

Reese: I feel like I'm getting crucified here.



Next, we have the "Technical Difficulties" Award, going to inflatabledalek for:

Phone Waving Woman: This tricorder doesn't work.

Our KBL goes to captain crow for:

[Root slightly shifts and begins smirking]

[comic beat]

[Finch, Fusco, and Shaw sniff loudly]

[Finch, Fusco, and Shaw glare at Root]



Many thanks to everyone for participating and congrats to our winners! Sorry for this one starting so late, had a great weekend (so no worries all is well) but it left precious little tie for anything else.

 

[LeadHead]

Worf: A your new Captain, we will begin mandatory seminars on Kahless starting tomorrow at 0800 hours. Followed immediately by training in proper etiquette in drinking bloodwine at 2300 hours.

LeadHead: Yeah, I know. There's no honor in this episode outside of the title.

Picard: Your Honor, I would like to implore you to rule against Ardra.

Data: On what basis?

Picard: She's creepy as %$&#.

Data: I rule in favor of Captain Picard.

Stewart: I know Frakes, this may be one of the best episodes you'll ever direct, but what are the fans gonna remember? That's right. Here comes a Grade-A Picard speech.

Picard: Belay that order, Mister Data.

Haftel: I beg your pardon?

Picard: Orders from ridiculously stupid Admirals like yourself have no effect on this ship.

 

[Finn]

Janeway: *reviewing PIcard's logs* I would've punched Satie.

Paris: I woulda paid to see that

Janeway: TOM!

Chakotay: *whispering* You had to say that?

 

[Avro Arrow]

Data: Do not worry, Lieutenant Worf, we will arrive at your cosplay convention with 23 minutes to spare.
Conn Officer (thinking): I spent four years at the Academy for *this*?!?

Yar: Oh, crap! I just scratched my nose!

Picard: I'm sure I have a reservation! Check it again!
Data: Perhaps you would be happier at the Chuck E. Cheese's down the street. I hear they have bears.

"The difference is... I make this look *good*!"

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW LeadHead!

Ops: Sir, that freighter is hailing us.
Worf: Phasers and Photons!
Helm: I'm reading increased solar activity, sir.
Worf: Phasers and Photons!
Tactical: The star's coronal emissions are interfering with scans, sir.
Worf: Phasers and Photons!
XO: That nebula just insulted our honor, sir.
Worf: Phasers and Photons!

Yar: I've cracked the Code of Honor, sir. It said "Drink More Ovaltine."
Picard: Splendid!

Picard: One senior ticket for the triple feature, please. The Perfect Mate's Silicon Transfigurations.
Data: ....

Picard: I believe that Chapter Four, Article Twelve of the Uniform Code of Justice grants me the right to make a statement before questioning begins.
Satie: Very well.
Picard: Testicles.

Haftel: We will arrange transfer of this...android.
Data: LAL.
Haftel: I don't care if you ROTFL, it's happening.

 

[jep]

"Captain's Log, Supplemental. The prunes didn't help"

.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Helm: sotto voce "Hey, Data. I must have got up late. What's going on?"
Data: "We are preparing for an undercover mission on Qo'onos. Doctor Crusher has surgically altered Captain Picard to look like Worf, and also performed a similar surgery on Commander Riker, along with a gender reassignment, so that he can pose as the Captain's mate..."

...

...

Data: "April Fool."

Yar: "Are you also here for the combat aerobics class?"

Data: "No Captain, I am unaware of Ensign Jenna D'Sora's whereabouts at this time."

ZIIIIIPPP

Captain's personal log: "I have often voiced my discomfort at having to interact with children, yet Counsellor Troi assures me that nothing is as effective as Captain's Storytime in getting the ship's youngest denizens off to sleep. She may have a point. I have yet to get to the interesting points of my recounting the grand tour of Gramidian druidic monasteries that I undertook with Professor Galen on my sophomore year at the Academy, and this is the twelfth time of trying."

Haftel: "Simon didn't say stand, gentlemen. I win again. You really are no good at this."
Picard: "Indeed, you have us outclassed, Admiral. Perhaps while you revel in your tenth straight victory, you've had time to reconsider the diplomatic mission to the Pakled homeworld."
Haftel: "You're still going."
Picard: "Damn!"
Data: "Another game, Admiral?"

 

[Smellincoffee]

Worf: Commander, as this is now a Klingon ship, you will be required to lead us in a stirring song before we go to battle.
Data: Very good, sir. "A British tar is a soaring soul, as free as a mountain bird --"

Patrick Stewart: That head-band will not age well, Denise.
Levar Burton: Do you need a skateboard, Denise? Would that be totally radical?

Data: This software upgrade is required. You must wait until it completes.
Picard, grumbling: Infernal technology.

Captain Picard did a surprisingly good Mr. Bean revival.

Picard: This! Is! MY! chair!

 

[HMS Ark Royal]

"If I apologise for being sarcastic sounding to my commanding officer, I wonder if Picard will not kick me out of the Helm and the ship"

"Hail Hydra"

"Your Honour, this is case number 1701-D on your docket... USS Enterprise versus Ardra... The parties have been sworn in"

"Captain, have you ever taken money from people and used it to create fan based holoprograms using intellectual property that you do not own?"

"Captain, I order you to hand over Lal to me NOW"

"Hmm... Mr Data?"

"Sir?"

"Arrest the Admiral on charges of attempted genocide"

"I believe the human expression is 'With pleasure', Sir"

 

[Triskelion]

Slappy: Is this where he touched you Ensign?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Helm: K'Ehleyr's looking at my ass, isn't she?

 

[Leviathan]

Yar: Seriously?! We lost to 'Sub-Rosa'?
Picard: Well, as this episode was in context of season one the prevailing...
Yar: NO! We're a WAY worse episode, look at how ridiculous this weapon is! LOOK!

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: There is no reservation for "Picard".
PICARD: Check. It. Again.
DATA: I have a positroic brain, sir I do not make mistakes.
PICARD: I demand to see the manager!
DATA: You are in luck.

 

[Nebusj]

Picard: ``Personal log. Well, once again Casual Fridays has gone all wrong.''

Yar: ``I just ... feel like I should be saving the neighborhood rec center, somehow.''

Picard: ``And, Commander Data, this is the first time you've been on Match Game 2378?''
Data: ``If we are limiting ourselves to the framework of the currently extant timeline and omitting the activities of certain holodeck-created replicas or pocket dimensional time-loops then this would seem to qualify as my first appearance on this version of this show.''
Picard: ``And I can already smell the Daytime Emmy for this episode. Now would you please announce who's his opponent, Space Johnny Olson?''

I hear Picard gearing up for a speech, but all I see are giant blue-eyed creatures with flat, emotionless mouths staring from behind him.

``You're sticking me with the check?''

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Tasha: Sir! Your MX-5000 French Tickler has arrived.

Data: Sir, I realize this is a court of law, but it would be inappropriate for you and Ardra to examine each other's briefs at this time.

"Hello, I'm Jean-Luc Picard for the Federation Express Card. Don't leave the quadrant without it!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: My dream date is an archaeological dig on a remote planet. What's your's?
BACHELORETTE: Uh, not that!

 

[jep]

Picard: Excuse me, I'm expecting a call. Picard?

Data: Yeah, I just got a call. I yell 'Cartwright! Cartwright!', just like that. Nobody came up, I hang up.

Picard: Well, was it for Picard, or...

Data: Yes, yes, that's it. Nobody answered.

Picard: Well was it a woman?

Data: Yeah, yeah. I tell her you not here, she said curse word, I hang up.

Picard to Riker (OS): She called. He yelled Cartwright. I missed her.

Riker (OS): Who's Cartwright?

Picard: I'm Cartwright!

Riker (OS): You're not Cartwri-

Picard: Of course I'm not Cartwright!

.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Tasha: Captain, the Admiralty wants you to appear before the board of inquiry right now.

Deanna: Lieutenant, is this some kind of bust?

Tasha: Well, yes, Deanna, it's very impressive, but they just need to ask the Captain a few questions.

 

[Mojochi]

5 seconds after Worf assumed command, he too was overcome by the need to lean

Picard: It's an intervention. This intimacy with Commander Data is getting a bit out of hand, don't you think?

Picard: Q is probably laughing his ass off right now

Picard: That wasn't me. It was the chair making noise when I moved

Picard: You're sitting in my chair, admiral

 

[Hutchy01]

Xavier test reel 1.