TNG Caption This! #448: Conflicts

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! New contest time!

First up to the plate, we have the "MMO's OF THE FUTURE!!!!!" Award, going to​

Catarina for:

World of Warcraft: Mists of Latinum

Next, we have the "Advanced Klingon Opera" Award, going to:
f14peter for:​

WHAT WORF REALLY DOES WHEN HE'S OUT "CHECKING THE PERIMETER"

WORF (singing): "I'm a Klingon teapot, honorable and stout, this is my handle and this is ..."

Next, we have the "Netflix and Fail" Award, going to
Mr. Laser Beam for:​

Data: Captain, I believe Netflix is not functioning properly.

Next, we have the "Important Theological Questions" Award, going to

Triskelion for:​

Riker: What does God need with a butter churn?

Next, we have the "Lighting Adjustments" Award, going to:

Hux for:​

PICRD: Computer, reduce lighting until you can only see a glimmer of light bouncing off my bald head.

Our Photoshop Award goes to

Nerys Myk for:​

WORF: I'm a Starfleet Security Officer on a icy planet, staring into a dangerous precipice with his back turned. What's the worst that could happen?

Yay! The return of the Log Entry Award!
Our winner: shivkala for:​

Picard: Captain's personal log-The crew is mean! Not one person complimented me on my new jacket. Now I'm stuck, and I bet their all having a grand time up there without me!

This weeks KBL goes to
The Laughing Vulcan for:​

Riker: "Everyone else is done Deanna, what's taking you so long with the pattern enhancer?"
Troi: "I'm a trained psychiatrist and counsellor. It takes me an extra ten minutes to get past the whole phallic symbolism of the device first."

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, our new contest. Despite the crew of the Enterprise having the reputation of being the most cohesive of crews, sometimes that wasn't the case. Get Human Resources on the phone for this one!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Number One, your suggestion is a Number Two!!!

Crusher: It's for the best, Data. Now you won't be caught in the crossfire of Geordi's dating mistakes.

Data: Worf's been mean to me. This is how I get my revenge.

Keiko: (whispering to Worf) Worf, you're remarkably calm.

Worf: (whispering to Keiko) He forgot to charge the phaser again. I'll be fine.

Wheaton: Brent, what's wrong?

Spiner: They wont let us get new uniforms until next season.

Troi: I want to wear a real uniform!!!!

Picard: And take away Jellico's one redeeming moment?

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Yes, I know the lights are out, but that is not a flashlight!

PICARD: For the last time! He's not my kid.

DATA: And then the Captain yelled, "For the last time! He's not my kid!"

DATA: I had to stop him before Keiko kicked his ass.
PICARD: What?
DATA: She came on the bridge unannounced. So it was inevitable

 

[T'Ressa Dax]

Q How many people does it take to turn off an android?
A: 3: One to say "Make it so!" one to say "This won't hurt a bit." One to say something obvious about Data's emotional state.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Crusher: It's an automatic update, Data. Resistance is futile.
Troi: You must comply.

Wesley: I'm told it happens to everyone, commander.
Data: A forced reboot?
Wesley: Oh. Well, maybe not that part.

Data: I informed Worf that he must check himself before he wrecks himself. He declined.

Picard: Not good enough, Riker, not good enough!
Riker hated annual performance reviews.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Do you always sign your work?

 

[Leviathan]

As punishment, Crusher was required to remove each crewmembers memory of 'Sub Rosa'.

 

[Finn]

Troi: THERE ARE NO LIGHTS!

 

[Captain Crow]

Wesley: Do androids have pee-pees?

Data: You would think the beard would catch all the crumbs.

[turns on Dustbuster and begins vacuuming Worf]

 

[Finn]

Wesley: Do androids have pee-pees?

Tasha: (OS) Yes...damn it!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the KBL!

Picard: "MInd your own business Mr Riker, I'm sick of your half-beard interference, do you hear?"
Riker: "Hey, it's a full beard...! Issue suggestive pieces of silicate to security, Worf. We may have an android infestation. No offence, Data."

Crusher: "Mr Mott got a little too aggresive with the back-combing. I may not be able to fix it here."

Data: "I believe the correct idiom is 'Killing two birds with one stone.' I reweld the links in Worf's sash, and he can partake of a pain ritual at the same time."

Wesley: "Are we there yet?"
Data: "No."
Wesley: "Are we there yet?"
Data: "No."
Wesley: "Are we there yet?"
Data: "No."
Wesley: "Are we there yet?"
Data: "No."
Wesley: "Are we there yet?"
Data: "No."
Wesley: "Are we there yet?"
Data: "No."
Wesley: "Are we there yet?"
Data: "No."
Wesley: "Are we there yet?"
Data: "No, we ain't there yet, you annoyin' l'il' brat. Ask me just one more time an' I'll fillet yo ass!""
Wesley: "See Captain, he used contractions. It's Lore."
Picard os: "That isn't definitive proof, Wesley. We all want to kill you too."

Troi: "Blue alert! What's a Blue alert? I haven't trained for a Blue alert!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Wesley: If a bear craps in the woods and no one sees it was there ever a bear crapping in the woods in the first place?

Data: Do you like movies about gladiators?

 

[Hutchy01]

Troi: I know what you're thinking. "Did she fire six shots or only five?" Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I kinda lost track myself. But being this is a Type 2 Phaser, the most powerful Weapon on the ship and it would blow your head clean off, you've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?

 

[Shikarnov]

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Leadhead!

Crusher: Oops. There goes his pee pee shake limiter.
Riker: Never worked right anyway.

Wesley: All I'm saying is, if you ever make another daughter, you could overcome the brain cascade failure problem with Crusher's Inversion Function: XLoad/(X+1) = SPV^(x+1)
Data: I am not familiar with that equation.
Wesley: Cognitive processing load requirements decrease inversely as sweater puppy volume increases.
Data: That is...genius.
Wesley: It's what I do.

Data: What do you think, sir? Let him keep the Old Dutch? Or shall I trim it into an even gayer Chin Puff?
Picard: Let's try...Mutton Chops and a Soul Patch.
Worf: Gay.
Picard: That's not gay, it's like a manly musician.
Keiko: Ooh, can I ruin his music career?

Picard: On this ship we will obey the Tertiary Directive!
Riker: The...Tertiary Directive, sir?
Picard: The future has beards, the past has beards, and the Mirror Universe has beards - but the current timeline is Bald!

Troi: In the future all this will be done in post.
Picard: The blue filter?
Troi: The personal space dictated by my breasts.
Picard: It's Photoshop, not a magic wand.

 

[Captain Crow]

Picard: YOU'RE STANDING ON MY FOOT NUMBAH ONE!!

Picard: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Data: ...and then your mother pegged the Captain.

 

[Finn]

Second Officer's Log: These idiots didn't even notice I switched that part of my postronic brain with a faulty part I found in Soong's Lab. I already left Wes a note to put back in the real part afterwards. Fortunately, Geordi was not in Sickbay or he would have noticed with that damn visor.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: I'm just saying, maybe there should be an engineer present.
CRUSHER: Shut up, I know what I'm doing...whats a positron again?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Troi: "No I DON'T want to see your 'blue balls'!"

Data: "What should I do with them? They were attempting to have stable lives and careers."

Picard: "Hum. Transfer them to Deep Space Nine. O'Brien, too -- I don't like the cut of his jig. and by jig I mean when I force him to jig while I fire a phaser at his feet."

 

[T'Girl]

Wesley: "I'm doing something while on the bridge that keeps making the Captain mad, do you have any advice?"

Data: "Stop masturbating."
.