TNG Caption This! #436: Sweeps Part 1: Special Guests

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! New contest time!

First up to the plate, we have the "Double Jeopardy" Award, going to:

Data: *buzz* What is Wisconsin?

Next, we have the "Extreme Measures" Award, going to:

Picard: Suggestions?

Worf: We fire ten photon torpedoes followed by phasers and laser canons and then send in ground troops to finish them off.

Riker: It's a planet of helpless children who have asked us for help.

Worf: Your point?

Next, we have the "That's it, GO TO YOUR ROOM!" Award, going to:

BEVERLY: WESLEY! Did you break the universe again?!

Next, we have the "PADD of Secrets" Award, going to:

Leighton: Blair Witch what??

Next, we have the "She's Heeeeeeere...." Award, going to:

Riker:

"Data, it's just since Tasha's death, I can't let her go. It feels like every time I turn around she'll be there."

Loved the Photoshops! 2 finalists battled it out in my brain, both win!

And...

Gates finally realizes her services won't be required for season two.

WORF: I say we attack!

PICARD: See, that's the sort of gumption I like in a Security Chief. Keep it up Mister Worf.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

It's such a pleasure to have active participation from the captioning community here and this contest brings a great suggestion from Shivkala! Since this contest is about Special Guest Stars, I give Special Thanks to Shivkala for bringing not only the idea for this contest to me, but also many photo suggestions. Thank you again!

Let's begin!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Burton: This is Ashley Judd, in a few years, she'll want to avoid any mention of having appeared on our show.

Second Officer's Log: In order to quickly remove Kamala from Ten Forward, I was forced to remind people that 2 months earlier, my body took hostages there.

Lenard: We should reference Spock more in this episode.

Stewart: Shhh. We can't reference the original series again until season 5.

Satie: ...And how can you explain that a Trill can't be transported here, yet they are transported easily on Deep Space Nine?

Bateson: This Captain Morgan Bateson of the Federation Starship Bozeman. I'm listening.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: Contact with Kamala has engaged an unknown sub routine. Please pass me a PADD.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

LaForge: "And why are you assigning Ensign Lefler to a two-week tour in Engineering?"
Riker: "I'm doing Wesley a favor. I figure a couple of weeks around you will make Wesley look like 'Mr. Smooth-moves' to her."

Spiner: "Enjoy your fifteen minutes of fame on a dinky TV show, babe. As for me, I'm destined for bigger and better things!"

Sarak: "What? You're telling me your science officer is not a Vulcan? Have you learned nothing from Kirk?"

Satie: "The scent is strongest right here!"
Crusher: "Don't blame me. You're the genius who scheduled this hearing on the morning after burrito night."

Bateson: "You and I, Picard, we're a lot alike. We and our bobbed brunettes."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SATIE: Don't even think about it, Crusher!

 

[Finn]

Judd: *thinking* Where is my career going? This is going to ruin me! They'd only remember Mom and sister.

Picard:No, I wasn't aware that Spock once streaked naked at Federation Headquarters in Paris as a 2 year old. However, I did hear Kirk did the same thing in Topeka at that age.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SAREK: I need you to host my mind...my essence.

PICARD: Is such a thing possible?

SAREK: You've never watched Star Trek, have you?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Thanks for the win.


I'd like to give a special shout out to Triskelion, who did one I loved that probably shoud have beaten me:

"You're not Sharon Stone and I and the cast and crew want you to stop doing that. And don't slice open anymore pants."

 

[JirinPanthosa]

LEVAR BURTON: You know, if Ashley Judd becomes really famous later, Trekkies will be reminding her for her entire career that she banged Wesley.
ASHLEY JUDD: Oh, come on, this is a minor role. Nobody will care about it if I get famous.

KAMALA: So I can be around Data and not imprint on him?
PICARD: Yes, he is an android.
KAMALA: Data, come with me to my quarters for a sec.

SAREK: Seriously, take a hot mud bath every day. It's how I maintain my youthful figure!

NORAH SATIE: I am holding in my right hand, a list of members of the Romulan party living within the Federation.
BEVERLY: Didn't this happen in the 1960s and lead to a lot of innocent people having their careers ruined and zero actual spies caught?
NORAH SATIE: No. (Writes on paper) Beverly...Crusher...

CAPTAIN BATESON: Wait. That shouldn't have worked! There's no way the amount of air held in the cargo bay could have generated...
PICARD: Mister Worf, fire torpedoes.
WORF: With pleasure.

 

[shivkala]

Burton: Did you see the Judds on Ashley over there? You get it? Judds?

Judd: I'm standing right here, LeVar!

Burton: I can't see crap with this clip over my eyes! Which, in a way, is kind of ironic.

Judd: Did you say something? I couldn't hear you over my phone call to HR.

Kamala: I'm kind of surprised that you are so welcoming of me, Lt. Data.

Data: Why is that?

Kamala: After the Federation discovered my planets, thousands of Sex Androids were out of a job. There was a whole revolution, which ended with the destruction of many Sex Androids, with a few going into hiding.

Data: Intriguing.

Sarek: I must say, Captain, I am perplexed at your insistence to meet at, to quote the vernacular, a "strip joint."

McFadden: Do the tongue thing!

Simmons: Wrong Simmons! You're thinking of Gene, with a "G"!

Bateson: Niles, is that you? Why are you wearing all that make-up?

Data: You must have me confused with someone else.

 

[galleywest]

Thanks for the win!!

Frakes: You see, Ashley, this is what we call job security. For the rest of your life, no matter what else you do, you'll always be able to make guest appearances at sci-fi conventions--and all because you had a minor role on one episode of this show. It's the power of Star Trek, baby.

Jean Grey (thinking): Magneto's going to have a field day with this guy!

Sarak: You're bedroom is...most interesting, captain. The mirrors on the ceiling, in particular.

Satie: Does this bother you? I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you.

Bateson: When did Starfleet and Hilton merge??

 

[Catarina]

Producers: We should make HER our Talaxian race on our new ST VOY.
Producer 2: two lesbians? The public isn't ready
Producer: But a middle aged ugly spotted man with a phallic nose and a one year old alien is okay?

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: It must be a relief to be free from that time loop after nearly a century. Reliving the same moment over and over again

BATESON: You don't know the half of it.

LILITH: I heard that.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Geordi: "Sir, I think perhaps we should stop masturbating and start working."

Sarek: "And you said it is called 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'?"

Picard: "Correct."

Sarek: "About cartoon ponies, watched by 40 year old virgins who live in their parent's basement?"

Picard: "Yes, right next to 1970's Trekkies."

Sarek: "And they enjoy this? I don't get it. Perhaps we need to go over it again. It's quite illogical."

 

[Hutchy01]

"Kamala": Look Charles , what Scott doesn't know can't hurt him!

Sideshow Bateson: Is Bart Simpson on board?

 

[Triskelion]

T4TPSA Leadhead!

And thanks for the shout out, Tharpdevenport! Your caption deserved a win!

Riker: I'm the one who told Ensign Lefler to line her bra with tin foil.
Geordi: You son of a -

Kamala: Stay close, Commander. You're about to watch the entire male population of this room lose their freaking minds.
Data: Because you are a female?
Kamala: No, because I was especially designed at the genetic level to attract men.
Data: Yes - you are female.
Kamala: No! I mean, yes, I am female, but that's not why I attract men especially! Look, they can barely keep their eyes off me, the lascivious pervs.
Data: To be fair, five minutes ago they were giving the same regard to the bartender, the potted plant, and that bulkhead over there.
Kamala: But I have a special talent of adopting the mannerisms and values of whatever man - or men - I'm with. They find my incessant nodding and parroting irresistible.
Data: Yes. You are -
Kamala: SPECIAL! I'M LIKE A SEX PRINCESS OR SOMETHING! ALL THE MEN WANT ME ALL THE TIME!!!
Data: Like a female?
Kamala: I was hatched from an egg.
Data: Now that is just fucked up.

Sarek: I'm almost ready for the Antedeans, I just need a few ten pound bags of onions, tomatoes and peppers.

Satie: And while I've got you under oath, tell the court doctor, is your son still a virgin?
Beverly: Yes, completely sexless now and for the foreseeable future.
Wesley: Hey!
Crusher: I'm under oath, Wesley!

Bateson: I see you have a Klingon on your crew. I have a...what are you again, Commander Moon?
Moon: Mancunian.
Bateson: A Mancunian, whatever that is.
Moon: I'm from Manchester, you twat. http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Nerys Myk]

GEORDI: Paper or plastic?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard: "Captain Frasier Crane?"

Crane: "Yes, can I be of service?"

Picard: "Captain, do you have any idea what just happened?"

Crane: "Our sensors detected a temporal distortion. Then your ship appeared... we nearly hit you."

Picard: "No, I was talking the arrival of Admiral Lilith."

Crane: "Back this bitch up and try to hit the Enterprise again!"

 

[Karzak]

Kamala Onatopp: You don't need the gun, Commander.
Data: Well, that will depend on your definition of "safe sex."

Bateson: I'm gonna to ask you this once. Where is Optimus Prime?

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Tea?
Bateson: Sherry.
Picard: Shakespeare?
Bateson: Ballet.
Picard: Archaeology?
Bateson: Psychology.
Picard: Croissants?
Bateson: Hors d'oeuvres.
Picard: Flautist?
Bateson: Pianism.
Commander Moon: Cor blimey, it's a twat-off!


http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/