TNG Caption This! #424: Tea, Earl Grey, Hot

[LeadHead]

Happy Sunday everyone! Time for a new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "William, you've got some 'splaining to do..." Award, going to:

Picard: "Just what have you been saying in your subspace chatter about your little weekly poker game, Number One? There's a Ferengi warship off our port bow asking if we 'comp rooms'!"

Next, we have the "Proper Beauty Care" Award, going to:

Worf: Automated manicures are without honor!

Next, we have the "Game of Bruises" Award, going to:

Picard: The rules? Whoever is holding the ball gets to beat the other senseless with a racket, of course

Next, we have the "Help me, Google!" Award, going to:

Wesley: "...it would help if I knew the rules."

Next, we have the "I think he's bluffing" Award, going to:

Data: Er, go fish?

Lots of Photoshops this week! Yay! I love seeing them! Two finalists dueled it out in my brain. They survived, my brain didn't, but that's nothing new. So Two Photoshop winners!

And...

ED WOOD, THE NEXT GENERATION

Since my brain was destroyed by the photoshops duel, I was incapable of deciding between these two for the KBl so.... Two KBL's!

TROI(os): Has anyone seen my vintage hair curling set?

LT DOODY: Uh-oh...

And...

PICARD: So, you didn't feel like inviting me? Well, let's see who goes to next very dangerous away mission.

Many thanks to all who participated and congrats to our winners!

This morning, I was doing the judging with a nice mug of hot chocolate (cant stand coffee) and was really enjoying it, so our next contest will feature our heroes with their morning cup of tea, coffee, cocoa, etc.

So fire up your replicators, find a nice comfy chair with a view and enjoy the new contest!

Oh, and did I mention the bonus photo?

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: I hope you're not going to interrupt me during my morning cup of tea, Mister Data.

Data: I am not, Sir. It is 1201 hours.

Gomez: Captain! Oh no! You're going to remember this forever aren't you?

Chief Engineers Personal Log: Ensign Gomez was so lucky we met The Borg that day...

Worf: Step back, Commander. The Captain is enjoying his final sip.

Picard: Well, it's nice to have finally spent the night with a woman who doesn't bicker over the proper pronunciation of croissant.

Admiral Kennelly: This smells like treachery...

Picard: What?

Kennelly: Nutmeg, I meant to say nutmeg.

Picard: What do you mean I'm in EVERY contest photo this week?!

 

[Finn]

Geordi: Oh, I forgot. He flips out if his Earl Grey isn't hot.

Picard: While you are here, Vash, please don't bash or lash out at Beverly, because she likes Johnny Cash. It'd help when you go see her about that rash.

(to get it out of the way)

Beverly: He's your son

 

[JesterFace]

You people are funny =)

 

[Rat Boy]

Picard: "...Data, you will kindly forget that I'm browsing Tinder in my ready room."

Picard (thinking): This klutz is begging for a transfer. Good thing David Gold owes me one.

Picard: "Gentlemen, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I really don't need guards while I drink my tea."

Picard: "Look, I would have told my friends about you if I had any friends to begin with."

Kennelly: "Good god, what the hell is this?"

Picard: "It's my Aunt Adelle's recipe."

Kennelly: "What did she do for a living? This tastes like motor oil."

Picard: "...she was a mechanic."

Picard: "...tea leads to male-pattern baldness?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Gomez: "Oh, my God! It's the creep in the raincoat from my dream!"

Picard: "You're imagining things! Of course I'm not embarrassed by your being here! I'm delighted that you decided to drop in for a surprise visit! Incidentally, if any of my crew ask, you're a Starfleet courier here to pick up some top secret dispatches."

 

[Nerys Myk]

A blast from the past ( when a similar cap was used last)

PICARD: So, did I stutter when I said "Earl Grey hot"??!!!!

PICARD: This stuff goes right through you.

DATA: Shall I set the replicator for a new uniform?

 

[tharpdevenport]

IT'S TIME TO PLAY EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE NEW GAME!

Is it and episode of The Next Generation, or...

A Space-age Porno?

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: Aren't you the girl in Arnold's movie....
GEORDI: Armored Saint, you're a lazy man.

 

[shivkala]

Data: May I inquire as to the reason behind your smirk, sir?

Picard: Did you see how Fantastic Four did on Rotten Tomatoes? X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine are no longer the worst Fox Marvel movies!

Picard: Damn it, Gomez, I thought you got over your drinking problem! At least get a bib next time!

Data: Sir, if I may...

Worf: You may not. Talking to the Captain before his first cup of Earl Grey is not honorable.

Picard: More tea Bev...er, Vash?

Vash: That's it, I'm dumping you for Q.

Admiral Kennelly: Do I smell some whiskey?

Picard: Even you have to admit the rumors of the admiralty are true.

Admiral Kennelly: Yeah, we're a bunch of lushes, everyone knows that. What I meant to imply is that if the smell of the alcohol doesn't punch you in the nose, what's the point?

Picard: Captain's Personal Log-Memo to self, it's been about four hours, I think I need to contact Beverly about my erection lasting so long.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: So there I was, discussing the Third Iconian Empire with the man who wrote the definitive paper on Iconian architecture

VASH (thinking) Kill me now...

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Ah. Nothing like a hearty helping of protein in the morning to restore one's energy after a--wink, wink--strenuous evening, eh?"
Vash: "Yeah, about that...maybe you should try the protein before bed next time."

 

[Mojochi]

Thanks for the win!

Data: Sir, could you assist me in improving my rapport with children?

Picard: Report to Mr. Laforge for your new VISOR fitting

Captain's Log: Some days I really do regret not putting in that extra splash of vodka

Vash: Why is this seat still warm?

Kennelly: I didn't know you were stripping the varnish off your tables today

Picard: (Thinking) 3 more cups & then I should take a break for a half hour or so

 

[JirinPanthosa]

DATA: Captain, I have discovered a disturbing bug in the replicator software. Whenever the Captain says the words "Tea, Earl Gray, Hot" in that order, the replicator actually produces an alcoholic beverage with a scent not dissimilar to earl gray tea."
PICARD: That is very disturbing Data. Let's consider this low priority. *urp*

PICARD: I'm sorry. Did you just spill...my earl gray tea?
GEORDI: Sonja, RUN!

WORF: I'm sorry Commader, I've been ordered not to let anybody speak to the Captain.
DATA: I believe I have a solution to...
WORF: I'm sorry Commader, you'll have to make an appointment with his chief security officer.
DATA: Alright. Can I get an appointment?
WORF: I'm sorry Commander, the Captain is very busy right now.

PATRICK STEWART: I'm glad you're here. The writers don't get Captain Picard laid enough. I wrote a letter suggesting they make you a regular.

ADMIRAL: You drink this all the time?
PICARD: Yes.
ADMIRAL: And how are you not always running to the bathroom?
PICARD: What bathroom?

ADMIRAL NECHYEV (Offscreen): Greetings Captain. I'm glad to see you have become more comfortable around the children of the ship. You're even playing tea party with the little girls on the ship.
PICARD: Yeah, that's it.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Do not disturb the Captain. He's calculating Wesley's birth date and the last time he saw Dr. Crusher.

 

[FormerLurker]

Gomez: It, it - it esploded!

 

[Nerys Myk]

GOMEZ:Oh my god, you're Commander Orfil Quinteros! You helped build the Enterprise!

LAFORGE: At least you didn't call him Ben Kingsley.

 

[JesterFace]

GOMEZ: Captain! Why did you throw that Earl Grey on me, on purpose!

PICARD: There isn't enough wet T shirt contests, or even wet uniform contests on this ship! I need some action here, Beverly "has a headache", AGAIN!

LA FORGE: Maybe I can arrange a contest like that... You know, I'm so fluent and natural with women, not awkward at all.

PICARD: I see a promotion in your near future!

 

[JesterFace]

DATA: Sir, is it a good idea to have a beverage while you're on your new computer, you might spill it.

PICARD: Who are you, my mommy? Get back to work!

 

[Triskelion]

Data: Sir, I've asked you not to call me garçon in front of the crew.
Picard: I do apologize, Commander.
Data: It is all right, sir. Now may I offer sir some dessert?
Picard: Je voudrais la crème brûlée, s'il vous plaît'.
Data: Excellent choix, Monsieur. Répondez s'il vous plaît',
si vous le souhaitez, je peux vous donner le flambé?
Picard: Mais oui! Le flambé!
Data:But of course, Monsieur!
Picard: And make it snappy!

Picard: Didn't your commanding officer LaForge instruct you in ship's proper beverage handling Lieutenant?
Gomez: Oh yes sir! He even gave me visual aids.
Picard: Better go to sick bay then. Dammit Geordi!

Picard: Are you sure this is Earl Grey? I could swear it was Darjeeling...?
Data: Worf made me do it!
Worf: You bastard!

Picard: Would you not say that Mister Worf's head resembles a fanny?
Vash: Oh, how delightfully droll and off-key!
Picard: Yes, quite, what.
Vash: I am even wont to titter!
Picard: Mother would disapprove of that, I'm afraid.
Vash: A fanny you say!

Picard: No Admiral, that one isn't the tobacco juice cup. That one is my personal tea blend. Why do people keep mixing the two up??
Admiral: Oh pardon me. Perhaps if you labeled them....

Picard: Blimey! Earl Grey Tea is people, you say Q?
<sips>
Blimey!

 

[hux]

Data: Captain, have you seen the oil I use for my genital maintenance......oh dear!

Gomez: I had a premonition I was gonna fuck up on my first day.

Picard: Not to worry. Just come to my quarters and maintain that mouth posture.

Worf: There is no honour in disturbing a man when he's having his afternoon tea.

Data: I understand but the warp core is about to explode.

Picard: So you like your tea weak, do you?

Vash: No, I just thought it would be appropriate after such weak sex.

Admiral Kennelly: And you drink this rancid piss everyday?

Riker: So I've rejected their offer and decided to stay on as your number one.

 

[Hutchy01]

Picard: So you like your tea weak, do you?

Vash: All Americans do!

(Genuine criticism ... whatever the hell the stuff was in New York, It certainly wasn't tea to this Englishman)