TNG Caption This! #395: Captain's Privilege

[Jonas Grumby]

Mott: "Well, sir, if you want my advice, I've found that, when it comes to getting people to stop commenting on your baldness, nothing beats painting your face blue."

 

[Ithekro]

Riker (O/S): Dr. Selar's report on the incident on the Xyrillian outpost. Wesley is pregnant.

Picard: What did you say?

Crusher: I taught him about the "birds and the bees" but forgot to teach him about the Xyrillian and the crystals....

 

[Triskelion]

Crusher: As you can see, Captain, these sample containers of Diomedian scarlet moss have accelerated growth indicative of an apparent temporal differential.
Picard: The fuzzy balls on the lazy susan are fuzzy.
Crusher: Precisely.

 

[f14peter]

VOICE ON COMM: "Thank you for calling Starfleet Command, your call is very important to us, please stand by for the next available ensign ... ... ... ... There are currently four admirals, six commodores, two starship captains and seven irate ambassadors ahead of you ... ... ... ... Thank you for calling Starfleet Command, your call is very important to us, please stand by for the next available ensign ... ... ... "

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thankee for the win!

Picard: By your powers combined, I am -- CAPTAIN PICARD!

Picard: The full Robau, Mott.
Mott: But --
Picard: MAKE IT SO!

Riker: We're going to need shaving cream. And a feather.

 

[Triskelion]

Data: Another ball of Funaria hygrometrica sir?
Picard: Thank you, garçon.
Beverly: That's funny, he never consumes a second ball of Funaria hygrometrica at home....
Worf: Taster's Choice Interstellar Mosses. Richer Aroma. Bigger Flavor. Advantage You.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Thank you Mr. Worf. I'm sure these tribbles you've killed will be placed in a significant place in my ready room.


CRUSHER:(under her breath) Garbage chute?

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

Geordi: Data! What your console say about the captain power levels?
Data: It's over nine thousand!

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

Riker: Captain, i know it is hard, but you will get trough this!
Worf: We are together captain! We will help you!
Riker: Data is on his way to get some Earl Grey for you right now! Just hold on a little more!

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

Picard: Very thoughtful mister Mott, but why did you handle me this 3D picture of Charlies Xavier?

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

Data: So.... Do you like it captain?
Picard: Off course! It is very well done! And the likeness perfect!
Data: I'm glad to hear that captain. It is a gift for you sir.
Picard: A gift? But... Wait! Is that suppose to be ME?

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

Picard: I will ask one last time! Who poisoned the doctor's mini-tribbles? No TV for you until someone confess it.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Riker: Captain! There's an emergency, you're needed on the bridge!

Picard: The bridge? What is it?

Worf: Sir, it is the command center at the top of the saucer section where you sit and give orders. But that's not important right now.

 

[Triskelion]

Data: Doctor Crusher is not a double-D, sir.
Picard: That is confirmed.
Data: Nice pegasus horse, though.

 

[Triskelion]

Geordi: Should we reverse his polarity?
Data: *rolls eyes*

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Sleep, Data.
Pulaski: He's exhausted.
Riker: Risan Player's Club discount.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Picard: Argh, don't you hate it when you get a static shock when touching someting? Must be the nylon in the underpants I had for Christmas.

Stewart: The one on top is Rick Berman, best make all contract negotiations with him.

Picard: Mr. Mott, considering we've gone to the effort of having a dedicated barber's aboard, I'm sure somewhere there's a tailor's you can visit to sort the out what the hell you're wearing.

First Officer's Log Stardate 42111.2: Captain Picard's reaction to my new beard was not favourable.

Data: Sir, there's no shame in only doing captions if you don't know how to use the software...

Picard: Damn it Data, I'm going to win a photoshop award off Leadhead even if it kills me! Now, help me paint a reefer in my mouth in the picture of me in the shuttlecraft.

 

[urbandefault]

Picard: "When I drag my feet across the carpet, this happens."

Beverly (thinking): "Are those cupcakes? They look like cupcakes. I really want a cupcake."

Picard: "You know what I'd really like? The James T. Kirk."

Riker: "Sleeping captain? Check. Bowl of warm water? Check. Now we wait."

Picard: "What do you mean, what is it supposed to be? It's YOU!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Dorn: "What happened?"

Frakes: "He tried that 'World's Most Annoying Plane Passenger' bit from Kimmel on a real plane. The other passengers beat him to death."

 

[Noname Given]

Picard: "Luke! Give in to the Dark Side! You have no idea of the power of the Dark Side! Also, I'm your Grandfather..."