TNG Caption This! #370: Realities

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! I got a contest started on saturday for once!

First up to the plate, we have the "Wish he'd waited until Picard stepped into the ready room to say that..." Award, going to:

DATA. Inquiry. 'Cueball'.

Next, we have the "Shameless exploitation of LeadHead's love of all things Zoidberg" Award, going to:

Troi: Doctor Crusher, here's our Talarian guest. He'll be needing a physical.
Crusher: Excellent, excellent.
Troi: You'll be fine.
Crusher: Now open your mouth and lets have a look at that brain. *Jono opens his mouth* No, no no no, not that mouth.
Jono: I only have one.
Crusher: Really? *looks at tricorder*
Jono: Umm, is there a Talarian doctor around?
Crusher: Young lady, I am an expert on Talarians. Now pick a mouth, open it, and say, "plplplplpplpl."
Jono: Um, ahem, "lblblblblblb."
Crusher: What? My mother was a saint! GET OUT!

Next, we have the "So much for keeping that under wraps" award, going to:

Riker: "Data was just telling us how he saw Premier Bhavani sneaking out of you quarters early this morning."
Picard: "Just when I thought this day couldn't get any worse."

Next, we have the "Alternative medicine" Award, going to:

Crusher: What do you mean, kissing to make it feel better doesn't work? Every time Jean-Luc gets a headache --

Next, we have the "Not just a great listener" Award, going to:

Picard: Whoah, Guinan I'm glad to see YOU too!

Something happened in this contest that made me particularly happy, we had a running gag! That doesn't happen very often and it's great to see this community of funny people collaborate and create great comedy together, so our running gag awards goes to:

Crusher: It would be unethical to violate Doctor-Patient confidentiality by telling you Captain Picard's results from his mind meld with Sarek.
Satie: We didn't ask, Doctor.
Crusher: However, since I am under oath I can tell you that for some people, sex every seven years is an improvement.

Crusher: It would be unethical to violate Doctor-Patient confidentiality by telling you who put the bomp in the bomp ba bomp ba bomp.
Satie: We didn't ask, Doctor.
Crusher: However, since I am under oath I can tell you who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong.

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

First Officer's Log: Don't hit on Lursa in Ten Forward

McFadden: So let me tell you about Maurice Hurley...

Many thanks to all who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, a new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard tried to initate negotiations by sending everyone to their corners, as it turned out, all it did was start staring contests.

Worf: That mosquito is without honor!

Patrick Stewart: Now, according to the art department, this ship will appear several times over the various series, sometimes appearing to be enormous and other times as a smaller scouting vessel. Place your bets on which it ill be this week, 3 to 1 odds on enormous.

Tactical Officer: So is she the one who "was incapable of commitment?"

Scream: The Next Generation.

 

[Nebusj]

Picard: ``Go fish.''

Worf finally handles that flickering overhead fluorescent bulb!

Picard: ``And now this is the prototype sketch for the, uhm, Chompers that we're putting in the, erm, Jefferies tubes because they, uh, do this important work of … uh … well, it's very technical and it made sense when I heard the presentation so let's get on that now, shall we?''

Man, I count six pairs of people doing classic ``We totally didn't boink last night'' poses.

Old Riker: ``Oh, those were happy days, back when I still had my prize Large Shiny Ball on a Glass Shelf.''

 

[bbjeg]

Picard: So, where do poop? ... There is a spot, right? ... Fellas?

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the log entry win

Data: I do not understand. It is still regulations…

Worf: Picard told us to stop using the skant. Besides, it's too short for you….Sir

Picard…And do you know what ship this is, right?

Riker: Of course! It's Kirk's Enterprise. The one where he went back to 1986 Chicago.

Picard: *sigh* Computer….Coffee…the Janeway blend. It's gonna be a long night with this one

Stardate 68566.8

Deanna: Wil…why are you up at this late hour?

Wil: *chuckles* It's from the old days on the D. That's the time when Wesley tried to pull a prank. Fortunately, it was the year we had Pulaski. We sure could get away with smacking him around.

Deanna: Why are you in the old uniform

Wil: I gained back some old pounds. I found this thing from 20 years ago.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Esoqq: "A live-action version of 'Hungry Hungry Hippos,' you say? This could be interesting!"

Tactical Officer (snippy): "What's she got that I haven't got!"
Worf: "Ridges! Ridges where you wouldn't believe!"

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Picard regretted signing up for Andorian speed dating.

WORF: Now that I think about it, Data can completely take over the ship whenever he wants.
DATA: Mister Worf, this is your annual performance review.

PICARD: Brilliant. This is sure to win the 'Least efficiently designed shuttlecraft' contest. Inefficient use of space, wasteful mass, huge vulnerable surface area. And it looks extremely unmaneuverable.
RIKER: Umm, I was going to propose this to Starfleet as a new shuttle design.

K'ELYHR: Who dat ho?

Captain Riker relives his fond memories of killing children during the Purge.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win.

Picard: The station's defenses are designed toward large-scale assaults against capital ships, so my idea is to take a small fighter in, down a trench in the superstructure, and fire into a small exhaust port --

Riker: TURN AROUND, FOR GODS' SAKE, MAN! HE's RIGHT BEHIND YOU!

"Shouldn't we be CLOSER for a staring contest?"

Brent Spiner: It's just pinkeye, Dorn.

 

[Nerys Myk]

ANNOUNCER: Last time on Big Brother...

K'EHLEYR: Hey human petaQ! His eyes are up there!!!!

DATA: Remind me why you are Security Chief, again?

 

[T'Girl]

Jean Luc Picard:

"From the shape of the doorway we can surmise that our hosts are very tall, and very thin."

 

[Gepard]

Ceiling cat is watching you contemplate.

 

[Finn]

Genie: (OS) The ComicCon's over! Get out of that uniform and come to bed. It doesn't even fit.

Jonathan: I miss smacking the Wheaton boy around

 

[Triskelion]

T4TRGW, LeadHead! Woo hoo!

Picard: They give us food, which Esoqq can't eat, to make him a threat. They give us a door we can't open - until the four of us cooperate. They give us a pole and a young hottie working her way through the Academy - but no folding money -

Mitena Haro: Sir, I will exotic dance for free...

Picard: Quiet, I'm speechifying!

Data: So you won an interior decorating championship in a parallel universe - let it go Worf!
Worf: Beige, orange, silver and teal! And I thought Romulans violated the Neutral Zone!

Picard: So the working toilet will be introduced on this experimental class of spacecraft.
Riker: It is outside the ship. Beside the plasma intake jets.
Picard: There will be a seat belt.
Riker: There's no coriolis effect in space!
Picard: Oh cluck cluck cluck Number One.

Ensign: Thank you for helping me load your long torpedo into my torpedo tube during our red alert mission last night, Commander. You really know how to divert hot plasma to all my ports.

Worf: Quiet, my wife may start to suspect.

K'Ehleyr: So that's the "Stinknuts Maneuver".... Make it so, Number One!

Riker: I take back everything I ever said about Wesley Crusher's fashion sense.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "This...this is not the Enterprise."
Riker: "Okuda is on vacation this week."

 

[Armored Saint]

TFTW

TACTICAL: It's a bit cold there...is it between you and the Ambassador?
K'EHLEYR: Armored Saint, stop watching her tits, you pig!

RIKER: I can't tell what's the ugliest: that schematic or this version of your casual uniform.

FRAKES: So funny, like Riker would watch this when he could instead see how he conceived the kid.

WORF: WOA! YA YA KAÏ!
DUDE: WO WO WO WO AH!
GIRL: BANZAÏ!
DATA: Lieutenant Worf, I can not see the honor of you and your team acting like characters from cheap ninja movies.

 

[shivkala]

Thanks, LeadHead. This time, when you're picking winners and can't decide, perhaps shivkala?

Picard: Okay, charades didn't work. Anyone want to try Win, Lose, or Draw?

Worf: A spider! Burn the ship down!

Picard: What is this? A blueprint for a shuttlecraft for ants?!

Little known fact, K'ehleyr was originally cast in the following commercial, but when negotiations fell through, the role went to this prairie dog: [yt]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8Kyi0WNg40[/yt]

William Shatner's face was immortalized in the mask for Michael Myers. Jonathan Frakes', well, his face was immortalized in a somewhat less popular mask.

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Worf: "Holy shit! Okay, okay, you win! You can grin like a Denobulan! Now knock it off!"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Some of you will get it, most of you will not, a small fraction will be racking their brains trying to remember where they know this from:

 

[inflatabledalek]

Two belly laughs in a row! Go me! Go me! Go me! Thanks Leadhead.

Picard: If that's their anal but plug, I really don't want to meet the owner.

Worf: Advance tactics people, cover your faces. If you can't see Data, he can't see you.

First Officers Personal Log: I really wish the Captain would stop stroking the tip with a faraway look on his face...

Worf: Evacuate the air from Alexander's quarters.

Riker: Ohhhh, so handsome, so sexy, so pretty, so awesome... sex on legs. How can anyone not love you big man?

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: Esoqq, I let you eat that damn Mizarian emo-kid if you leat me eat that Bolian college gi...
ESOQQ: Nom nom nom nom
PICARD: I'll take that as a yes.