TNG Caption This! #369: Ready and able

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! New contest time!

First up to the plate, we have the "Shhhhh or we'll just leave you at DS9!" Award, going to:

Worf: Are we there yet?
Riker: No.
Worf: Are we there yet?
Riker: No.
Worf: Are we there yet?
Riker: No...

Next, we have the "Finding the truth" Award, going to:

DATA: And to think I thought she was a natural redhead.

Next, we have the "Mozilla Firefox" Award, going to:

Riker: Slow down, Data, what was the next step?
Worf, grumbling: Every time Starfleet issues software updates for the fleet, the command crew has to be retaught to use the ship.

Next, we have the "Delegation of tasks" Award, going to:

PICARD: Ahh, crap, it's the Klingons. Worf, find out whatever weird honor thing they're hung up on this time, I'll be in my ready room playing Candy Crush.

Next, we have the "And she took that knowledge to her grave..." Award, going to:

Security Officer's log, supplemental: I found the ship's toilet and I couldn't be happier. Can't say the same for the rest of the bridge staff.

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

Picard: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in this episode?
Worf: Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now, is happening now.
Picard: What happened to then?
Worf: We passed then.
Picard: When?
Worf: Just now. We're at now now.
Picard: Go back to then.
Worf: When?
Picard: Now.
Worf: Now?
Picard: Now.
Worf: I can't.
Picard: Why?
Worf: We missed it.
Picard: When?
Worf: Just now.
Picard: When will then be now?
Worf: Soon.
Picard: How soon?

Yar (voice over): "Chief Security Officer's log. There's nothing like a bout of Klingon flatulence to clear out a room! Unfortunately, Starfleet regulations insist that at least one security officer must be present on the bridge at all times. I hate this job!"

Worf: So I saw Thunderbirds...

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, a new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Worf: Captain, incoming message from your brother.

Picard: Crap, I forgot his birthday again.

Troi: I sense that he really wishes you didn't need to put that so close to his eye.

Picard signaled Riker to order Data and Worf out of the room so that they'd have less competition once the delegation from Cheerleadia arrived.

Crusher: For the last time, I don't know where Wesley is!

This is what happens when you try to drink Worf under the table.

 

[Armored Saint]

CRUSHER: Me? Being pregnant and hiding it?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Troi: "Eww!"
Crusher: "Deanna? Something wrong?"
Troi: "Let's just say that standing next to a teenaged boy being examined by a MILF is not the best place for an empath to be."

Riker: "Data was just telling us how he saw Premier Bhavani sneaking out of you quarters early this morning."
Picard: "Just when I thought this day couldn't get any worse."

 

[Velocity]

Picard: Whoah, Guinan I'm glad to see YOU too!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Riker: "Captain, look -- it's Diana's mother! You gotta hide! Captain?"

 

[JirinPanthosa]

DATA. Inquiry. 'Cueball'.

BEVERLY: The boy said he hadn't been abused by the Tallarians, but scans indicate that they gave him a preppy 90's haircut.
TROI: When you mentioned the haircut, I sensed a wave of fear. Fear and humiliation. Oh god, the sexual frustration!

RIKER: See the woman behind me? The woman with the giant skull?
PICARD: Yeah?
RIKER: My 200th species.
PICARD: I was a young man once. Have you seen the list of Federation member worlds? The one on my wall?
RIKER: You mean the one with all the check marks? Oh wait...WAIT!
PICARD: Amateur.

BEVERLY: Wait, wait. You're staking your career on accusing Captain Picard of treason? *snrk*
PICARD: Now Beverly, be nice. They brought out their top overzealous witch-hunters.
BEVERLY: Heh, okay, I'll try to have fun with it.

WORF (Behind the table): NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

 

[Nebusj]

Picard: ``It's strange how the bridge feels like there's this big gaping void that's been filled ever since Troi went on leave.''

Crusher: ``For the last time, this is a sensitive instrument which measures your basic metabolism by means of normal exhalation. Stop licking it.''

Riker: ``Heeeey, good-looking, now you're someone who could really spruce up the bridge.''
Picard: ``Yes, I normally do, Number One.''

Crusher: ``Now, understand, for the actual show I'll have my ventriloquist dummy with me.''

``Boy, I'm glad I didn't wear the skant today.''

 

[tharpdevenport]

Beverly: "No, I've never seen Basic Instinct; why do you ask?"

Picard: "Mr. Worf, replicate a short tight dress immediately!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Beverly: Here's a Talarian cadet. I talk to him. I don't even know if he can hear me, because he just sits there, all day long, in his own world, staring at that medical scanner. What's he thinking about?

 

[shivkala]

Picard: I hearby call to order this meeting of the Enterprise's chapter of NO MA'AM.

Troi: Doctor Crusher, here's our Talarian guest. He'll be needing a physical.
Crusher: Excellent, excellent.
Troi: You'll be fine.
Crusher: Now open your mouth and lets have a look at that brain. *Jono opens his mouth* No, no no no, not that mouth.
Jono: I only have one.
Crusher: Really? *looks at tricorder*
Jono: Umm, is there a Talarian doctor around?
Crusher: Young lady, I am an expert on Talarians. Now pick a mouth, open it, and say, "plplplplpplpl."
Jono: Um, ahem, "lblblblblblb."
Crusher: What? My mother was a saint! GET OUT!

Picard: Captain's Log: Riker is giving me that mutinous look again...

Crusher: Captain Picard's record as an officer? Okay, let's start with the misdemeanors and then, we're gonna' push right on through to the lighter treasons.

Here we see the results of imbibing the beverage Data was only able to identify as "it is green."

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[tharpdevenport]

How one got scoring assignments on ST: TNG.

 

[2takesfrakes]

"Hello, my baby. Hello, my honey. Hello, my ragtime gal.
Send me a kiss by wire. Baby, my heart's on fire ..."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard (voice over): "Captain's Log. Mr. Data informs me that Lal is continuing to work on developing her interpersonal skills by working in Ten Forward. However, I have also learned that Counselor Troi has been loaning her some of her steamy romance novels. I should probably put a stop to that."

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Leadhead!

Picard: But who would leave a box of defenseless kittens out here in the Neutral Zone?
Worf: Arming photon torpedoes.
Riker: Seriously?

Crusher: If this oil deposit gets any bigger we'll have to start scrubbing ducks with toothbrushes.

Riker: This looks like the perfect opportunity to break out my 'bone.
Picard: Any chance he's talking about his genitals, Data?
Data: I am afraid not, sir.
Picard: Merde.

Crusher: It would be unethical to violate Doctor-Patient confidentiality by telling you Data's penis size.
Satie: We didn't ask, Doctor.
Crusher: However, since I am under oath I can tell you that Tasha Yar was never in any danger of dying from pleasure.

Guinan: Thanks Data, but I don't need a bottle opener.

 

[Nebusj]

Beverly: Here's a Talarian cadet. I talk to him. I don't even know if he can hear me, because he just sits there, all day long, in his own world, staring at that medical scanner. What's he thinking about?

Ooh, you inspire me! So …

Crusher: o/`His eyes can see, his ears can hear, his lips speak
o/` All the time the needles flick and rock
o/` No machine can give the kind of stimulation
o/` Needed to remove his inner block o/`

 

[AgentCoop]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Having grown up on a planet where everyone walks on their hands, Guinan's new bartender found the job more difficult than expected.

 

[Armored Saint]

 

[Nerys Myk]

DIRECTOR: Cut!!!!!! Let's try this again. The ship on the viewscreen has exploded. When you react...LOOK AT VIEWSCREEN!!!!!!!

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: Mistah Worf don't tell me you can't open a channel until tuesday.
RIKER: Geordi, can't you do anything?
GEORDI: Sorry, but Starfleet command said firing half of my team and hiring subcontractors would be more efficient.
WORF: New Public Management is without honor.

BEVERLY: I think he should wear a VISOR, his eyes aren't able to look higher than our boobs.
TROI: I think they're working perfectly.