TNG Caption This! #365: Finally's Part 4

[LeadHead]

Happy Sunday everyone!

First up to the plate, we have the "You do NOT want to prolong this trip" Award, going to:

Perhaps today is not a good day to push all the buttons on the elevator.

Next, we have the "Direct approach" Award, going to:

WHOOPI GOLBERG: That's right Jenny. Now give your kid the vaccine, or this will happen to you.

Next, we have the "Not quite family" Award, going to:

Kurn: Tell Nikolai to stop texting me. We are NOT related

Next, we have the "Fully honest" Award, going to:

Data: "Talking about you! Not to you!"

Next, we have the "Benefits of Diplomacy" Award, going to:

B'Etor: Are you certain your Federation requires this for all diplomatic treaties?

Picard: I'm afraid it's quite necessary. Now, to seal the deal, you must lean forward and gently rub your chest on my head. This signifies how the treaty is the perfect union of intelligence, as represented by my brain, and heart, as represented by your chest.

Another great week for photoshops, once again, my awe for the skill of our photoshoppers has made it impossible to choose just one. These 2 battled it out for my laughs and they both win!

Worf: "Madam Ambassador, I'm having a private conversation with my brother if you don't mind."

And...

B'ETOR: You do realize I'm going to charge you the full price, right?

Security Officer's Log: Gorwon has been selected to lead the Empire. Picard has asked me to see Counselor Troi about Duras. They made me promise I wouldn't manipulate the leadership of the Klingons again as long as I'm a starfleet officer.

Worf: To everything, Kurn, Kurn, Kurn, there is a season, Kurn, Kurn, Kurn!

Congrats to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

Now, we continue our trip through the Season Finale's of TNG, we have arrived at "Time's Arrow!"

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Data: (reading) My dearest James T. Kirk...

Picard: Geez! Is there ANY time period he didn't get to visit?

Picard: And from now on, sleeping in staff briefings shall be punishable by use of Guinan's hats.

Riker: That's not much of a punishment, Sir.

Picard: It's going to be great to see Worf try to get one of those on his head.

A little San Francisco Bay Area humor...

Data: (reading) Construction on BART extension to San Jose delayed.

Guinan: Oh, Mister Twain, I can't go out with you because, uh... This is my husband!

La Forge: You see that sign that says "Transporter Enhancer goes here?"

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the Log Entry win

Twain: Who is this pale fellow?

Guinan: This is…Robert Frost

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Mickey's touching himself.
Data: Yes sir.

Picard: Due to budget cuts, in my off hours I moonlight as Mister Worf's goatee wrangler.
Worf: Fetch the little comb!

Aquarius: Don't lose your head today.
...Who buys this stuff?

Mark Twain: I chose my name from the riverboat term for two fathoms, a "Mark Twain." It was either that or the pen name "You've steered into a reef again you old drunken anus."
Guinan: Delightful!

Geordi: Just beat iiiit, beat iiiiit, no one wants to be defeated!
Troi: I don't think the 18th century will buy you as Michael Jackson. They're backward, not deaf.

Geordi: Hey!

 

[Armored Saint]

GUINAN:My friend is obviously Chinese. I see you've noticed the skin. They're actually easy to explain.
DATA: Perhaps the unfortunate accident I had as a child.
GUINAN: The unfortunate accident he had as a child. He fell into bleach bucket.
DATA: That is right, my parents, as a lot of other Chinese immigrants in United States had a laundry business. In fact, we estimate there was approxi...
GUINAN: SHUT UP DATA!

TROI: Geordi, what's that?
GEORDI: Look, if you want to watch TV tonight, don't disturb me or touch anything while I'm installing that damn antenna.

DATA: James T. as "The awesome Captain Kirk" Kirk's guide for space travellers. First step: Do not read this aloud in public. Second step: It's okay to have an affair with someone from the past, but be careful to not let Hitler win the war. Third step: It is called LSD, not LDS. Fourth step: Use appropriately the colourful metaphors. Fifth step: Stop to hang around with your Starfleet uniform and find more appropriate clothes.

DATA: This mechanical device is used to show what time is it, sir.
PICARD: What a barbaric period!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Data: "This locket is my most cherished possession. Inside is a picture of Tasha Yar in a leather bustier holding a whip."
Picard: "Very romantic, Mr. Data."

Worf: "You are brave, indeed, to stand behind a Klingon warrior on spicy gagh night."

Data: "This is an original Shakespeare manuscript! In his own handwriting! This is a priceless historical find!"
Computer: "Commander, this is the holodeck. Everything in here is fake."
Data: "Dammit!"

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead!

Data: Nothing, sir. You know, you may just have to accept the reality that this is just a fob watch and you are not a Time Lord turned human by a Chameleon Arch.

Picard: I'm not sure I agree with you, Data. In fact, according to Crusher's Law, since there is nothing wrong with me, something must be wrong with the universe. Something my Time Lord self could have prevented. So, you see, Data, not only am I right, but the fate of the universe rests in your ability to find a way to use that watch to turn me back into a Time Lord.

Data: Since when are we holding what Dr. Crusher says as universal absolutes? This is a woman who can't properly pronounce "croissant," after all.

Picard: *whispering* Okay, I'm going to very quietly lean over and yell into Worf's ear. Make sure you capture it and tag it #todayisnotagooddaytosleepduringastaffmeeting #humansruleklingonsdrool and #nofilter

Data: Ah, thankfully a copy of Exposition News was lying around, easy for me to find. Number one rule of unexpected time travel: pick up a copy of Exposition News, it will give you the date and all the information which will very shortly become important. Glad I took "Time Travel 101" at the academy with Dr. Beckett. Too bad the class never covered how to get home.

Data: Second Officer's Log: I have encountered Guinan in this time period, though I am a bit worried about her. She keeps referring to what is clearly Sigmund Freud as "Mark Twain."

Troi: Are you sure you know how to calibrate this device properly so that it will warp space and allow us to travel through time?

Geordi: Yes!

Troi: Am in the right spot?

Geordi: Almost, you're almost there. Great. Now it's just a jump to the left, and then a step to the right. Okay, to calibrate it, I need you to put your hands on your hips and bring your knees in tight.

Troi: Are my knees supposed to do anything? I find all these steps quite maddening!

Geordi: I understand, but if the knees are bothering you, it's the pelvic thrust which will really drive you insane.

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

DATA: I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque!

 

[Armored Saint]

DATA: Ok, this man with the horse need an important personal object that is located there on the map...I must go outside the village and one of the two ways is blocked by a rock...so I can buy a spell against rocks at General Store and it will be faster or I chose the other way and get more XP for me and Spot by killing bats.

GEORDI: Don't look the quadrion inhibitor like it was a dildo, I need this shit too boost that Goldenblackhengelberg unit if we want to have enough hexatrillon vibrations to break that damn polytachion field.

DATA: Fascinating, there is not any word ending by "on" needed to explain how that device works.

 

[Mojochi]

Thanks for picking mine

Data: Of course it still ticks. Why would licking it have a deleterious effect?

Picard: I told you it would work. Now who wants me to make him cluck like a chicken?

Data: Keyshops... Keyshops. I just want to find a keyshop in this stupid thing. How did people live like this?

Twain: What does he mean? YOU don't think Huckleberry Finn is racist do you?

Geordi: Get your hand away from that button, or you'll destroy the ship! Ha! Just kidding. That never gets old

 

[Triskelion]

Stop playing with the winding mechanism, Data.
Sorry sir. Habit.

Picard: Does he really expect me to believe this hideous dummy is Mister Worf? I mean look at that cheap, crappy expression on his face. Looks like that Klingon petaQ is slagging off again. Computer, locate Lieutenant Worf.
Worf: I am right here, sir.
Picard: Computer?
Computer: Lieutenant Worf is in the briefing room.
Picard: Looks like he's reprogrammed the computer, too. <Turns to potted plant> LaForge, run a diagnostic on the computer.

Kid: Look at that horse's ass -
Data: Oh? <Turns>
Kid: - reading that newspaper!
Data: Aww.

Guinan: Is that the Crystalline Entity in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
Mark Twain: It's the Crystalline Entity of course.
Data: I am not amused, and not only because I am an android and incapable of emotion.

Geordi: Look how comically large their cell phones are in this century.
Troi: Hello?! Colossal Pizza Delivery?

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: It would appear to belong to a Doctor John Smith. Perhaps we should attempt to return it to the Doctor.

PICARD: It's just a watch, Data. I'm sure the Doctor can get another one.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

DATA: Interesting. So this is what they used to give old people before forcing them to retire.

WORF: *Sniff* Captain, that is a wonderful new cologne you're wearing.
PICARD: Oh, sorry. I didn't have time to shower this morning.

DATA: Eastwood Bridge? I do not recall a bridge by that name existing in this time period. Somebody must have changed the timeline.

CLEMENS: I wouldn't worry Ms Guinan. If there's one thing I'm sure of about the future, it's that once slavery is abolished, within a hundred years there will be no further race issues in America.

TROI: Hey, is there anything I can do to help?
GEORDI: I told you, you're in charge of watching the bee.

 

[Armored Saint]

DATA: Fuck Starfleet, I stay here and I become prospector.

PICARD: Mistah Worf. Mistah Wooorf! WORF SON OF MOGH!
WORF: Sorry sir, I can't hear you over the sound of my honor.

 

[Ihlecreations]

Thanks for choosing one of mine!

A new episode of "Orange is the New Black" always took precedence even on an away mission.

"Sir is that your...?"
"Yes Mr. Worf, yes it is."
"But sir it's touching my..."
"Just let it happen Lieutenant, just let it happen."

No, no, no...I specifically said "Yellow BiA ISO MC 4 RTS"!

It was a day he would not soon forget as Brent is introduced to Whoopi's game of "Who's Cut, Who's Not."

Marina was at a loss for words as midscene LeVar burst into an off key rendition of "Greased Lightning".

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Jean-Luc, have the car brought around my good man.

PICARD: He's really got to lay off the Downton Abbey holos.

 

[Triskelion]

Guinan: All right, Mark Twain, a.k.a. Samuel Clemens, a.k.a. Doc Brown - Temporal Starfleet has ordered me to track you down in time. I'm here to apprehend you and take you back to the future.
Doc Brown: Great Scott! I knew I should have stayed a Klingon on Genesis!

 

[Leviathan]

GEORDI: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

 

[2takesfrakes]

"Go, Deanna. Repent ... and sin no more."

... Ever since he found "god," the growing consensus amongst the crew has been that Geordi quit being fun to hang around.

 

[Armored Saint]

WORF: Jean-Luc, have the car brought around my good man.

PICARD: He's really got to lay off the Downton Abbey holos.