TNG Caption This! #364: Finally's Part 3

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, caption contest time!

First up to the plate, we have the "Fixer upper" Award, going to:

Riker: "Let me get this straight. You bought 'beachfront' property from a brochure that said 'just add water'?"

Next, we have the "Breathtaking strategy" Award, going to:

``Sir, I don't think you can just hold your breath till the Borg surrender.''

Next, we have the "Priorities" Award, going to:

SHELBY: Welp, we're screwed. Let's all get laid.

Next, we have the "Untrained Martial Artist" Award, going to:

Ensign: Maybe you should just use a fly swatter and leave the spinning back kicks to trained professionals.

Next, we have the "Guess there was no rehearsal for this scene" Award, going to:

Elizabeth Dennehy: "I'm supposed to be in this scene, right?"
Director: "Cut!!!"

This was an AMAZING week of photoshops, somehow I managed to whittle it down to 3 finalists, all of which I loved, so they all win!

"Captain, if you don't mind my saying ... you seem to be under a lot of stress, lately."

Next...

GEORDI: Okay, Data's the Tin Man. Worf is the Cowardly Lion. So who's the Scarecrow?

RIKER: Uuuuh...What's a "Scarecrow"?

GEORDI: Great, I'm Dorothy!

And...

NIMOY: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? RETURN IN FINAL UNITY!
SPINER: Aw please mister Nimoy, this one's so better.

Riker: Commander's Personal Log, Supplemental. That was, perhaps the most embarrassing thing that I've ever done. I feel I have lost the respect of the crew. I just hope I don't have to take over for Captain Picard anytime soon.

Ensign: We're going to have to end the sexy calendar shoot here, sir. Picard's coming back onto the bridge.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, our next entry in the finally's series, "Redemption"

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Gowron: (thinking) I hope this guy doesn't end up being the death of me.

Guinan: Take that, little blue dot!

Worf: There's no way that working with Gowron will ever come back to haunt us later.

Data: ... And then Captain Picard told the Admiral to "Go Fu-

Picard: Okay, I've decided which one is my favorite Duras sister.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Worf: "There is no point in being angry at me; it is your own fault! Asking me if that uniform makes your ass look big is without honor!"

B'Etor: "I have been studying up on human erogenous zones."
Picard: "Unsuccessfully."

 

[Mojochi]

Gowron: (thinking) I can take him

Guinan: Not as good as the peacekeeper under the bar... but meh...

Kurn: Tell Nikolai to stop texting me. We are NOT related

Worf: So puny & weak

Data: Agreed

Picard: I'd return the gesture... but I'd rather not cut my fingers

 

[Finn]

Security Officer's Log: Gorwon has been selected to lead the Empire. Picard has asked me to see Counselor Troi about Duras. They made me promise I wouldn't manipulate the leadership of the Klingons again as long as I'm a starfleet officer.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

B'Etor: This life size Picard mannequin is without honor!

Worf: To everything, Kurn, Kurn, Kurn, there is a season, Kurn, Kurn, Kurn!

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: Great mindmeld, "miss Vulcan".

GUINAN: What did your say about my hats?

WORF: KURN! KURN! KURN!
KURN: You're think you're funny? Don't wonder why I'm the baby and the one who's already Commander.

BERMAN (os): Ok Guinan, you'll be in our movie.

PICARD: Hmmm, ok, I'll talk to Berman about a place for you in the movie.

KURN: You tell me Berman hired the Duras sister for the movie, but no me. It's an insult for our family.
WORF: Don't worry brother, I've a surprise for the responsible and his family.

DATA: Sir, Berman called, he said he'll have to decimate your own family for the movie.

WORF: Forget that movie, come to DS9 with me.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

GOWRON: Come with me Worf. You know Picard will let you back into Starfleet no matter what you do.
WORF: Point.

WHOOPI GOLBERG: That's right Jenny. Now give your kid the vaccine, or this will happen to you.

KURN: Erase my memory to avoid the consequences of your dishonor? That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.

Every so often, Patrick Stewart volunteers to appear in somebody's erotic fanfic.

 

[Holdfast]

GOWRON (thinking): I'm going to kill you.
GOWRON (out loud): After you, friend.

GUINAN: Well it's no lightsaber, but I'll take it.

KURN: We may be brothers, but I insist that you still wear trousers when we Skype.

PICARD: Rocket boots activate!
DATA: Sir, you're not wearing rocket boots.
PICARD: But I want rocket boots! Kirk had them; I want a pair!
WORF: Kirk had them? I don't remember that...
DATA: Access to that knowledge is restricted to those of Lt. Commander rank and above. The movie is deemed too traumatic for inexperienced officers to bear.

PICARD (thinking): This is a great massage.
B'TOR (thinking): If I cut around here, I should be able to pop his scalp off like a boiled egg.

 

[Armored Saint]

In our universe, the Klingon civil war really turned bad for the Federation after Captain Picard accepted to became the third boob into B'etor cleavage.

Based on me yesterday at a bar with two buddies of mine.
PICArmored Saint: Father's day? It's the next week, we're only the second sunday of june.
DATA: The first of june was sunday this year.
PICArmored Saint: MERDE!

 

[T'Girl]

The instructions state to apply liberally to scalp and massage in.

And this will regrow hair?

Uhh ... sure.

Worf: "Madam Ambassador, I'm having a private conversation with my brother if you don't mind."

 

[Cuhl]

Hmm, now let's see... Righty tighty lefty loosey.

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

GUINAN: It's not bad, I prefer my sonic screwdriver though.

 

[Mistral]

Guinan: "Oh, so you didn't like the coffee, eh? How does it taste now?"

 

[2takesfrakes]

... Thanks for the win!

DATA: "The Captain looks like he has a board up his back, does he not?"
WORF: "... Or a broomstick stuck up his ass."

 

[2takesfrakes]

 

[Triskelion]

Worf: Are you discommodating me behind my back?
Gowron:......si.

Federation President: Will the lady from El-Auria please refrain from assassinating the ambassador from Kafka-VII?
Guinan: Sorry, I thought he was a space roach.

Kurn: No skant this time?
Worf: We agreed never to mention it again.

B'Etor: What the hell, a bowling ball without any holes??
Picard: I get that all the time.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KURN: No I don't want to join your "Framily Plan".

WORF: The bills are separate.

KURN: Still no.

 

[shivkala]

TFTW, Leadhead

Gowron: I've got my eyes on you, Worf.

Worf: So that explains why they are bulging out of your head.

Every month or so, Guinan would get drunk testing out her new stock and phaser erotic artwork into the bulkhead.

Kurn: I think that's about it on the homefront. Oh, our house is fighting against the House of Duras again.

Worf: Again? What now?

Kurn: They called us "Korn and Woof, sons of Morgue!"

Worf: They have no honor!

Picard: Captain's Private Log: I went to ask Data to the Officer's Ball, but Worf beat me to it. This is the worst day of my life!

B'Etor: Are you certain your Federation requires this for all diplomatic treaties?

Picard: I'm afraid it's quite necessary. Now, to seal the deal, you must lean forward and gently rub your chest on my head. This signifies how the treaty is the perfect union of intelligence, as represented by my brain, and heart, as represented by your chest.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Fleeing crewmember, OS: Not what I meant by another shot!
Guinan: It IS what I mean when I said I was cutting you off.

Data: If he's French, I can't use conjunctions.