TNG Caption This! #363: Finally's Part 2

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! New contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "How to serve man" Award, going to:

Data: "Frozen humans! I wonder why."
Worf: "It concerns me that we found them in the galley."

Next, we have the "Year end evaluations" Award, going to:

Picard: You! A beard. You! Lose the bun, and you! Klingon hair & a more badass baldric. I'm thinking metallic. Good briefing. Dismissed

Next, we have the "The more things change..." Award, going to:

Picard: We in the 24th century have evolved beyond economic systems! Now if you'll excuse me I have to go start a new cold war over natural resources and ethnonational differences.

Next, we have the "Romulan Duplicity" Award, going to:

PICARD: So you're claiming the outposts were destroyed by giant cubes crewed by some sort of cyborgs?

TEBOK: Yes and they destroyed your outposts as well.

PICARD: That sounds ridiculous! Take your ship and tall tales back to your side of the Neutral Zone!

TEBOK: Well, they can't say we didn't warn them.

Next, we have the "This is for the agents to sort out" award, going to:

Spiner: Yeah, you and me mate. We're the real leads of this show. Screw Frakes.

Many photoshops this contest, loved them all! Great work photoshopping superstars! The award goes to:

Picard: Captain's Log: I'm not sure how this got started, but suddenly, we're in a competition with the Romulan Commander and Sub-Commander for which commander and first-officer can make the best synchronized poses. Will and I have decided to go with our "Crossed arms/feigned indifference" pose, which won against that Klingon commander and first-officer last month.

RIKER: I'm pretty sure when starfleet ordered us to intercept Romulan transmissions and learn everything we can they were refering to military transmissions not soap operas sir.
PICARD: Quite number one, i think T'plok is about to learn that K'polt is having an affair with the Bolian nanny who unbeknowst to them is secretly T'polk's long lost mother!

Many thanks to all who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, continuing with our Finally's series, we continue our trip through the season finales of TNG. I hope that nobody minds that I'm skipping season 2's finale, because like TATV, Meridian, The Way to Eden and others, some things are bst forgotten.

Lets skip past that and go right into a phenomenal episode, "The Best of Both Worlds!"

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: Sorry guys, I'm gonna ditch you.

Worf: Too soon, Commander.

Picard: Will... what the hell are you still doing here?

Riker: Sir?

Picard: I said "dismissed" about 20 minutes ago.

Shelby: Time index 914, Data started to fluctuate Phaser resonance frequencies.

Riker, Data and Wesley: We know, we were there!

Riker: Okay, didn't know Judo had become standard training for Science officers.

Shelby: Worf just got beaten up! This is so frightening!

Data: What? Oh, right. You are new here.

Worf: Little help?

 

[Armored Saint]

RIKER: Come on, it's below your knee, it's not harrassment.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Data: Commander, is this what is generally referred to as a "cliffhanger"?

 

[Armored Saint]

It's always an honor to have the Photoshop award.

GEORDI: I may be blind, but that doesn't seem real.
DATA: Geordi is right Commander. According to my tricorder, we have been beamed into the painting that Keiko just give to Chief O'Brien.
RIKER: If I were Captain, I would kick the asses of that stupid new couple direct into Cardassian space.

RIKER: So you think I'm ready to be Captain.
PICARD: Hmmm, no!
RIKER: Shelby's boobs, that's right?
PICARD: Hmmm, yes!

GEORDI: Hey Data, Ten Forward? Riker's snoring so loudly that Shelby won't hear us leaving.

 

[T'Girl]

Data: " ... and then Captain Kirk's alternate universe exact opposite sent the mint 1965 Chevrolet Corvette Sting Ray convertible off the cliff at this very point.

LaForge: "A mint 1965 Corvette Sting Ray?"

Data: "Yes."

Riker: "What an asshole."

Shelby: "Who is that Borg?"

Data: "It is Doctor Katherine Pulaski, so this is where she went."

Shelby: "Maybe we can "de-assimilate her?"

Crusher: "Kill her Data, kill her now !!!!"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Ensign: "Look, asshole, I'm trying to help you up! We're not going to get anywhere if you keep touching me every time I touch you!"

 

[2takesfrakes]

RIKER: "Oh shit! I'm down here, because I was trying to look up your skant, but then I realized ... you're not wearing a skant. That was weird! Nevermind. Thanks for trying to help me up. I'll just catch some thigh ... Mmmm ... I guess I'll get back to work, now. Ah. What a day ..."

 

[shivkala]

Riker: We have landed on planet MattePainting, sir.

Picard: What do you see down there?

Data: An interesting mix of artistic styles, sir. Parts of it seem very reminiscent of Monet. In the distance, I do see some of Ross' happy little clouds.

Picard: Geordi, your thoughts?

Geordi: I'm detecting an interesting mix of oil paints.

Picard quickly abandoned his attempt at a new signature pouty-face.

Shelby: ...there! Right there! That's when we started to get our asses handed to us!

Riker: Commander's Personal Log, Supplemental. That was, perhaps the most embarrassing thing that I've ever done. I feel I have lost the respect of the crew. I just hope I don't have to take over for Captain Picard anytime soon.

Shelby: Captain! We can come back when you're fully dressed. I'm so sorry, sir!

Crusher: Eh, after that ill-fated "Casual Friday" order a few months ago, you get used to this, Commander.

 

[2takesfrakes]

RIKER: "Captain, we've run the numbers and there's a pretty good chance The Borg will try to capture and assimulate you, to give them a tactical advantage. Doctor Crusher's standing by in Sick Bay to implant a homing beacon, so we can beam you back, if they ..."

PICARD: "Oh, Cluck-Cluck-Cluck, Number One. You're like a mother hen! The chances of it happening are remote, at best. Inform The Good Doctor she can resume her duties."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Riker: You don't like the beard.
Picard: I didn't say a thing.
Riker: Look, if you make me shave it off they're just going to say you have follicle envy.

Shelby, continuing: On the screen is a ship firing at you. Now, when this happens, you may fire back, or you may take evasive action. These are appropriate response. Now, lowering the shields and peaceful surrendering, that is an IN-appropriate action. Everyone following me?
..Captain? Oh, for god's sake, where is Picard? He's the one I'm presenting this to, the rest of you are in here for appearances' sake!

The ol' fall to the deck and wait for a pretty young ensign to offer help routine always carried the risk of attracting a not-so-pretty ensign.

 

[Nebusj]

``So, ah, how about: we tell Star Fleet command none of us pressed the red button and we have no idea what happened to the colony, agreed?''

``Sir, I don't think you can just hold your breath till the Borg surrender.''

``It's what we feared. The Borg have upgraded to Blu-Ray.''
``It looks kinda green to me.''
``Shut up.''

``Commander, is there really an 'Alaskan Knee Meld'?''

``The fiends! They've put him on a Nautilus machine!''

 

[JirinPanthosa]

RIKER: Alright, the Borg are trying to change the future by changing history in Sauron's favor. Keep on the lookout for two Hobbits.

RIKER: Great old man impression, but sir, I'm sure when you're an old man you'll look just as youthful as you do today.
PICARD: Wishful thinking, Number One.

SHELBY: Welp, we're screwed. Let's all get laid.

BLUESHIRT: NO MEANS NO!
RIKER: Okay, I get it.

SHELBY: My God...it's Maleficent!
BORG QUEEN: I'm the Borg Queen!
CRUSHER: It's Robot Maleficent!

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

PICARD: Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

BLUESHIRT: Not everyone keeps their genitals in the same place, sir.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker: "Let me get this straight. You bought 'beachfront' property from a brochure that said 'just add water'?"

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: All right Numero Uno, what's your beef?
RIKER: Sir, you realize the Borg have juste wiped out the Iotians, right?

DATA: Hands off ladies, I am next after Riker and Picard, I choose the channel.

 

[Finn]

BLUESHIRT: Not everyone keeps their genitals in the same place, sir.

RIKER: I'm aware of that

 

[Armored Saint]

RIKER: That Shelby bitch, I'll snap you back so hard, she'll think she's a first year cadet again.
PICARD: Hmmmm
RIKER: She's right under your desk, isn't she?

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

RIKER: What the hell? This pool party sucks! The pool is dry and its a total sausage-fest!

[PARP]
PICARD: *sniff sniff* (Thinking) When did I eat Andorian cabbage?

Geordi's x-ray specs were worth it after he discovered Shelby always went commando.

RIKER: It's not Red Alert, Crewman, its my bom chicka wah wah alert [*wink*].

It took Picard's Angels a while to perfect their silhouette pose.

 

[Armored Saint]

RIKER: A plothole? This giant cliff, a massive plothole, really?
DATA: Only according to Q Who's Borg purists.