TNG Caption This! #360: Out and about!

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, time for a new caption contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Shore Leave Preparation" Award, going to:

YAR: Captain, we're only two hours from Risa and still looking too pale.
PICARD: I will be ready for poolside. Divert warp power to the internal tanning lights!

Next, we have the "Getting even" Award, going to:

Worf: Sir... This punishment is without honour!

Riker: No Worf, this is what you get for making me stand in the turbo lift for all of the last contest.

Next, we have the "Starfleet Driving School" Award, going to:

Picard: Wesley, you're supposed to *stop* at the red lights!

Next, we have the "Tough bosses" Award, going to:

Picard: "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but Guinan has management authority over Ten Forward and she feels that hiring you to provide live entertainment would seriously depress her food sales revenue."

Next, we have the "Decisions, decisions...." Award, going to:

Worf: The shuttle is being pulled in to the black hole!
Riker: Sir the cure to the virus ravaging the Andorian people is aboard that shuttle.
Picard: Prepare a tractor beam!
Riker: Sir according to these readings the shuttle has both Lwaxana Troi and Wesley Crusher aboard. How should we proceed?
Picard: ..........
Troi: Captain?
Picard: I'm thinking!

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

Aliens: "Duke, duke, duke, duke of earl..."

Picard: "(Sigh) I hate open mic nights..."

CAPTAIN'S PERSONAL LOG:
"When I first met Vash, this incredible, radiant light filled the room ― it was her smile, by the way."

Riker: So, I can tell everyone everything that I'm doing at any given moment, but I can only use 140 characters to do so? What exactly is the point of all this, again, ensign?

Congrats to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

And now, lets get the crew a chance to get off the ship and see the Galaxy.

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Professor X: (off screen) Captain Picard, it is an honor to meet you.

Picard: What the f-

Riker: I'm sorry to tell you this, but we don't allow people taller than me in Starfleet.

Data: I will not talk to the hand. If the hand is talking to you, then you require medical attention.

Riker: Damnit O'Brien! We said beam us into the NON-Smoking section of the restaurant!

Riker: All right, lets get this over with. Why do all the civilians on this planet only wear purple? ANSWER ME!!!!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Gosheven: "My relationship with Ard'rien has been the happiest time of my life. But now that she's met this sentient, fully-functional android, I guess that's all over and it's back to just me and you, old friend!"

Riker: "Jesus Christ, Geordi! Where did you book this hotel room?"
Geordi: "Hotels.com."
Worf: "Idiot! Don't you know that Priceline.com is Starfleet's preferred booking agent?"

Devos: "Is this your missing captain?"
Riker: "No."
Devos: "But...he fits the description."
Riker: "Look, you have got to stop dragging every bald man you find in here!"

 

[inflatabledalek]

Thanks FTW LH!

Picard: Why did we bring a psychiatrist with us? Human shield value mainly.

Riker: I don't care how much an unconventional choice worked out for you before, I aint gonna heard sheep for you.

Dubbed Man: Whoa, that's a hell of a bogey. That's going in my collection that is.

First Officer's Personal Log: The Captain's barbecue was a disaster. Again.

Man: Please state the nature of the medical emergency.

Riker: Worst celebrity lookalike ever.

 

[shivkala]

Maître d: I'm terribly sorry, but apparently there's been a mix-up and we only have one table available.

Picard: But, we had reservations!

Maître d: Again, terribly sorry, perhaps one group could wait at the bar.

Picard: Mr. Worf, let's show these people how we deal with botched reservations!

Riker: ...are you sure, because you look exactly like him!

Nayrok: For the last time, Commander, Zephram Cochrane is not my ancestor!

Gosheven: It's blinking red! What does it mean?

Data: It means I am in the wrong universe.

Worf: Humans! One Horta fart and you're incapacitated!

Devos: Alright, it's clear he's not going to give anything up. Take him away for waterboarding.

Riker: That's torture!

Devos: I prefer to view it as my terran ancestor did, "Baptizing" them.

 

[Armored Saint]

RIKER: You can't deny you look like a Trekkie, mister, so...yes or no did you laugh at me on the Internet?

DATA: Fascinating, according to your palm lines, you are indeed a descendant of Jean-Claude Van Damme and Robert Downey Jr.

 

[AgentCoop]

Gosheven: Check it out. Found a penny.

Data: That is fascinating, however, I must remind you once again that your entire colony is about to be obliterated from orbit.

Riker: Mr. Worf, that...that wasn't the stun setting.

Worf: I know, Sir. I just really, really hate Romulans.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Riker: The captain thinks very highly of you, sir.
Guy: Well,that's quite a compliment.
Riker: Yes sir, he really looks up to you.
Picard: Are you going to do this all night, Will?
Riker: I think he's up for it.

Worf: Commander, this fog is supposed to be lethal! We must evacuate.
Riker: Relax, Worf. it's only a threaten to young virgins.
...virgin women, Geordi! Sorry.

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Wait - you mean your distress call was only an attempt to hook us into a real estate presentation?

Troi: I'm sensing an opportunity of a lifetime, sir.

Riker: We can see by your unitard that you're ready for Federation membership.

Picard: It fits our Prime Directive quite snugly. And yours too, if you know what I mean.

Gosheven: I said You're nuts, not your nuts.

Riker: And now for some wine and cigars.
Geordi: Got any Metamucil? Perhaps a lozenge?

Riker: You've had your turn; on behalf of the United Federation of Planets, let somebody else spin in the chair.

 

[Nerys Myk]

ALIEN LEADER: First order of business, Picard. Our planet needs the fashion police, stat!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PATRICK STEWART: Can I see the manager? Who double-booked the Star Trek convention and the Game of Thrones LARP?!

WESLEY: I wished I was big.

GIRL: Dad, this isn't what it looks like.
MAN: I'd be mad, but I'm kind of curious exactly what substance this condom is filled with.

The day Worf forgot to shower.

RIKER: Why did you do it? Why did you break into police headquarters?
MAN: It was an act of protest. This is a gross oversimplification of a real situation, and as an Irishman I am deeply offended. #CancelTNG

 

[Armored Saint]

RIKER: How did you manage to enter in this building?
MAN: I used my key! I told you, I'm the fucking janitor!

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Gosheven: "Dam!!, thats all?"

Data: "You should seek medical help for that, that is an awful low count"
Ard'rian McKenzie: (Snickers uncontrollably)

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Devos: "I have reason to believe that you are a member of the rebel alliance!"
Detainee: "What reason?!"
Devos: "The reason that making an arrest is the only way to get the Feds off my back!"

 

[Armored Saint]

WORF: On Qo'nos, we find that stimulating.
GEORDI: **COUGH**You passed only three weeks on Qo'nos in all your life.**Cough**

 

[Merlanthe]

(offscreen)
O'BRIEN: It would seem that a transporter mishap has caused alternate versions of our crew from a reality of weird fashion and silly hairstyles to be transported into our own. It should be easy to fix commander.

RIKER: But how ever will we tell them apart?

GEORDIES LOG: Its been over a week since our shuttle mysteriously lost power and crash landed on the island. The Enterprise has yet to respond to our distress signal and many of our red shirts have been eaten by what appears to be a sentient smoke monster. Worf and Riker have begun to suffer from paranoid delusions about 'the others' and we are plagued by constant flashbacks to earlier episodes. My only comfort is that as a main character i dont have to worry about dying.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Thanks for the KBLA, LeadHead!

Announcer: Now watch the Ventaxian team challenge the Starfleet team! One team will walk away with glory and riches... the other will suffer an ignoble death!

Picard: Death!? Mr. Worf, I thought you were booking us on Family Feud!

Worf: Yes, sir. Klingon Family Feud!

Nayrok: That'll do, Commander. That'll do.

Gosheven: I still don't get it.

Data: It is the swimming pool you will own based on the riches I have predicted for you. Patterson Supra assures me this is very humourous.

First Officer's Personal Log: Geordi, Worf and I should have never signed up for the James T. Kirk Historical Re-enactment Tour for our vacation. Pyris VII sucks!

Dummy in chair: Fetch me some Earl Grey, Number One. I want to make a long, pompous speech and then go play detective on the holodeck!

Riker: Ha! That's uncanny! I never knew you were a ventriloquist.

Devos: That's nothing. Get me a glass of water, and I'll drink it while he surrenders the ship, again!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Nayrok: "You're not very tall, are you."
Riker: "Well, I try to be."
Picard: "Ha!! I love old movie references!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: I am afraid your information about Earth customs is centuries out of date. Geordi did not intentionally, "Leave you hanging".

 

[2takesfrakes]

... Thanks for the Log Entry Award, LeadHead!

RIKER: "You're not related to a Mr. Homn, per chance, are you, sir?"