TNG Caption This! #359: Bridge work

[JirinPanthosa]

TASHA: With all due respect Captain, if you were allergic to yellow you should have requested a different ship.

The night shift tactical officer just now discovered The Cure.

WESLEY: Ohhhh, so *that* button was the inertial dampeners.

ALIEN 1: They seem to believe that they can hold us in place with a magenta spotlight.
ALIEN 2: We should conduct a new study on low special effect budgets.

Captain Picard originally got into moral speeches as a way to bluff away his farts.

 

[Armored Saint]

ALIEN 1: Next time, we study the Pakleds.

 

[jep]

Picard's Pet-Peeve Number 216,104: Captains who fail to dim their headlights when they meet an oncoming starship.


.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Thanks for the KBLA, LeadHead!

Yar: In all fairness, captain, Timbuk3 *did* try to warn you.

Riker: So, I can tell everyone everything that I'm doing at any given moment, but I can only use 140 characters to do so? What exactly is the point of all this, again, ensign?

Picard: Number One! Lean to the left like the rest of us! We want to make our visual logs interesting, don't we?

Riker: *sigh* And I passed up the Melbourne for this...

Alien #1: I don't think the invisibility field is working... I'm pretty sure they can see us.

Alien #2: I'm glad I decided to wear pants!

Picard: So say we all.

Picard: Commander! How far are we from Earth?

Riker: Looks like... 1200 light years, sir.

Picard: We have to go back, right now!

Troi: What's the matter, sir?

Picard: I think I left my oven on before we left for Farpoint!

 

[anthony_lynch15]

Worf: The shuttle is being pulled in to the black hole!
Riker: Sir the cure to the virus ravaging the Andorian people is aboard that shuttle.
Picard: Prepare a tractor beam!
Riker: Sir according to these readings the shuttle has both Lwaxana Troi and Wesley Crusher aboard. How should we proceed?
Picard: ..........
Troi: Captain?
Picard: I'm thinking!

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Leadhead!

Alien: Well what kind of lapdance did you expect in your non-currency economy?

 

[Holdfast]

YAR: Captain, we're only two hours from Risa and still looking too pale.
PICARD: I will be ready for poolside. Divert warp power to the internal tanning lights!

WORF: Sir, the away party is waiting
RIKER: Hang on a sec, I'm nearly there. 512...1024... DAMN...

PICARD: That's Lwaxana's shuttle... EVASIVE MANEOUVERS!!!

ALIEN 1: Did the transporter break? This isn't the gay bar...
ALIEN 2: I don't know; the bald one seems interested.

RIKER: Look, I can see my reflection on his head!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Worf: "I think I left my PADD up here after my last shift. Has anyone seen it?"
Riker: "Maybe. Does your PADD contain a rather large collection of Sailor Moon slash fanfic?"

 

[Armored Saint]

Still better clothes than the TMP uniforms.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Alien: "In all fairness, lavender is not our best color."

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: I'm Noah, welcome to my ark!
ALIENS (both): But we're two dudes!
PICARD: Why do you think your cage is pink?
ALIENS (both): Gulp!

 

[Nebusj]

``We are little teapots, short and stout! Here are our handles, here are out spouts!''

Picard: ``I said get out and push, Number One.''
Worf: ``Take comfort that he only ordered warp two.''

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: I'll not let you go until you come to my cabin as the Bolian college girl.

RIKER: Great, mister Worf, we've just received our birthday gift for the Captain: Bolian college girl III.

 

[2takesfrakes]

CAPTAIN'S PERSONAL LOG:
"When I first met Vash, this incredible, radiant light filled the room ― it was her smile, by the way."

 

[inflatabledalek]

Captain's Log Stardate 4132.3: I always hate it when you buy a new TV and have to spend hours fiddling with the setting to get the brightness right.

Worf: Sir... This punishment is without honour!

Riker: No Worf, this is what you get for making me stand in the turbo lift for all of the last contest.

Picard: Who? Drunk? Us? I assure you officer, no one in charge of steering the starship has touched a drop.

Picard: Just when you think Eurovison can't get any more camp.

Worf: I'm sorry Sir.

Riker: It's truly a shame.

Troi: OK, cheer up, France's world cup team may not be up to much this year, but imagine how you'd feel about your chances if you were English!

 

[Leviathan]

...is it too late to realize that Apgar from the last contest is also the dude in the wheelchair from Breaking Bad?

Yes?

Yes.

I'll go back to sleep now.

 

[Armored Saint]

 

[Smellincoffee]

Worf: <growl>
Riker: Alllllmost done.
Worf: You asked me to hold the 'lift for you half a watch ago.
Riker: I'm sorry, I never sign anything before I read it.

Picard: Look, fellows, or ladies, or -- whatever. This is all very nice, but I don't need a set of Encylopedia Galactica. I have Commander Data.

A beat after Counselor Troi was offered a turn at the helm...

 

[Triskelion]

Alien: He thinks he's insulting us, but on our homeworld "ass-faced" is high praise.

Picard: Tactical, arm phasers. Arm phasers. Tactical - dammit, I knew I should have installed the Orgasmatron 5000 in my ready room.

 

[Nebusj]

Picard: ``You've driven onto the kerb again, Mister Crusher.''