TNG Caption This! #359: Bridge work

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Just barely getting this contest started before the end of the weekend!

First up to the plate, we have the "Sucks to be Geordi" Award, going to:

Riker: "...seeing as there is a killer lose in the station, the three of us will stay in this brightly lit large room, while the lone black man walks by himself through the dark corridors.

LaForge: "Wait, what?"

Next, we have the "Intro to Human anatomy" Award, going to:

Crusher: "...and right there, the shin bone? Yeah, it's connected to the leg bone."

Next, we have the "Intro to Large Space Alien/Starship relations" Award, going to:

Picard: Lieutenant Yar, is Galaxy's Child - humping my ship?
Yar: Yes sir, like an Angosian rabbit in Pon Farr.
Picard: Shouldn't that be - a Vulcan rabbit?
Yar: Rabbits? On Vulcan? I'm not sure the metaphor warrants such an incongruent image, sir.
Picard: But why would an Angosian rabbit go through Pon Farr?
Worf: Structural integrity field failing, sir.

Next, we have the "That'll be a major Human resources complaint..." Award, going to:

Lieutenant at Tactical: "Are you sure you want me to keep the main viewscreen set to glossy black, Commander?"
Riker: "That's what I said, didn't I?"
Data: "He's ogling you in the reflection, Lieutenant."

Next, we have the "Hide and Seek" Award, going to:

WORF: Commander Riker! Phew, I thought it was Doctor Crusher. I've been dodging her for a week to avoid my yearly physical.

Our photoshop Award, goes to:

PICARD: Looks like we have a winner for "The Federation's Got Talent".

TROI: Aren't we supposed to look at other contestants and have people vote?

RIKER: Nope.

PICARD: Don't think so.

Riker: First Officer's Personal Log: You'd think I'd learn, but no. I just had to ask out the Security Officer on duty right at the beginning of her shift. Now, I've got 6 hours of sitting right in front of her with the entire bridge crew knowing I got shot down. Oh wait, here's Data, just arrived from engineering, hopefully he hasn't...

Data: Commander, I apologize for being late for my shift, however, I felt the need to stop by Sick Bay to pick up this salve for you.

Riker: Salve?

Data: Yes, sir. Apparently, Geordi was monitoring what was going on at the start of this shift on the bridge when he made mention that you got burned.

This Klingon was belly laughing at full power over two entries, so both are winners!

Picard: Don't go in there! She has a gun, you fool!
Worf, sotto voice: Does he realize this is a recording?
Yar: Worf, leave the captain and his stories alone.

And...

Holo-Riker: Now cough up the research, Apgar, or I'll report you to the Federation, eat all your Doritos, sleep with your wife, and blow up the station!

Riker: I object! I never even *touched* their Doritos!

Thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Sorry that I'm cutting it close on getting this contest up and running by weekends end. Busy, busy, busy.

Happy Mothers Day to any mothers reading or participating in this contest!

And now, lets spend some time on the bridge!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Helm, I think we're a little too close to that star...

Riker: I'll have the Spaghetti and a Caesar side salad. Now get moving and if Worf orders Gagh, lose his order.

Wesley: Whoops!

Riker: Was that Lwaxana's shuttle we just crashed in to?

Picard: Dang, I might have to be thankful to the kid.

Captain's Log, supplemental. After returning safely to the Enterprise I silently ordered my staff to place the aliens that abducted me into a forcefield. It's been 6 days since we captured them and the floor show has been amazing the entire time.

Worf: Captain, incoming message from Commander Shelby. She wants to know what time would be convenient for her second interview...

Riker: What job is she interviewing for?

Picard: Awkward...

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: I don't recall Kirk's old log entries having this much lensflare before

RIKER: With this I can control the turbolift doors, Open. Close. Open. Close.

WORF: What the ....

ALIEN: Look I know the fix is in and the Orion girls are gonna win, so why are we bothering?

RIKERL Hey, you're right, I can see my reflection.

PICARD: You do realize I can hear you?

TROI: Awkward.

 

[shivkala]

TFTW, Leadhead

Picard: That ship blew up real good!

Riker: Just a few seconds more, Ensign. Once Worf is gone, the party starts. He's such a snitch!

Picard: Hey, wait, that's the last McDonald's for 50 light years. Helm, hard to port!

Alien: Now, see if you can get this one..."I could'a been a contender! I could'a been somebody!"

Picard: Data, you are no longer allowed to pick the entertainment.

Riker: Commander's Personal Log: I know that contact is somewhere around here. I just have to convince Worf that I'm checking the sensors for a few more minutes.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the belly laugh!

Lwaxana, on-screen: Jean-Luc, I'm waaaaaaiting.
Worf: It may be the only way to get her to stop, sir.
Picard, resigned: But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the sunrise, and Lwaxana is the sun.
Lwaxana, on-screen: Oh, Jean-Luc!
Picard, quietly: Engines for emergency warp, full escape velocity, any direction.

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: It's the rule guys! The spotlight has stopped on you! You must make-out together!

PICARD: There are four lights! **sobbing**
YAR: Pretraumatic stress disorder is really the scourge of the 24th century.

CAPTAIN/FIRST OFFICER/SECURITY OFFICER'S LOG: I can't stay another hour in that damn Priapism system.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Picard: "Well, I'll be damned! For years now, I've just assumed he was a pompous, egotistical blowhard. But it turns out the sun really does shine out his arse!"

Data: "I am curious, Captain. Which do you think is more ugly, their faces or their outfits?"
Picard: "IDIC forbids me from saying, Mr. Data."

Worf: "Commander, I agree that is an 'exquisitely dramatic pose,' but I really do need to get to that control panel!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Force to work the tactical station! Is there anything lower than that?

WORF: Hey!!!!!

 

[jep]

Picard: "Mr. Worf, gambling while on duty is not allowed. Please stop wagering with Commander Riker."

Worf: "But sir, he's wants to bet me 100 bars of gold pressed latinum that he can smash the console in two with his forehead."

Troi: "I'll take some of that action"

Picard: "Here, here."


.

 

[jep]

Worf: "Commander, I... "

Riker: "Gimme..... juST... a MINute.... Worf......JUSt.... a... minute. Yeah... that's it punk..... that's it... work that tongue."

Worf: "Commander, is that Wesley Crusher down there?"

.

 

[Armored Saint]

WORF: Commander, on a Klingon ship, when a First officer has to puke, he chooses a better spot than his Captain's head.

 

[jep]

Aliens: "Duke, duke, duke, duke of earl..."

Picard: "(Sigh) I hate open mic nights..."



.

 

[Armored Saint]

TWIN 1:..the alien...
TWIN 2: What?
TWIN 1: Why did you interrupt me Lien?
TWIN 2: Because you talked to me, you said "Hey Lien"!
TWIN 1: I said "Alien", not "Hey Lien"!
TWIN 2: You just said "Hey Lien" twice!

 

[Nerys Myk]

TROI: You shouldn't have made Riker angry. You won't like him when he's angry.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but Guinan has management authority over Ten Forward and she feels that hiring you to provide live entertainment would seriously depress her food sales revenue."

 

[anthony_lynch15]

Picard: For gods sake Tasha, turn the screen brightness down!

Riker: Is it just me or is this latest iPad a step backwards?

Riker: I really do think we should get some seatbelts for exactly this type of situation.
Worf: At least you have a chair sir.
Picard: Are you harping on about a bloody chair again Worf. I've never heard so much moaning from an officer in all my life!
Worf: I'm just saying sir, that it'd be handy if I could actually operate my console during a crisis, instead of holding on to it for dear life.

Picard: Dance!
Alien: There seems to have been a miscommunication. You're universal traslator has misunderstood my position amongst our people. I'm not an exotic.....
Picard: I said DANCE!

Riker: All systems ready sir.
Picard: Number One, you may proceed.
Riker: Yes dad....I mean Captain, yes Captain!
Picard: Well, ummm, I a ummm.
Worf: Awkwaaaaard!
Troi: Don't be mean Worf, I think it's sweet that Will sees the Captain as a father figure.
Picard: ..........
Riker: ............

 

[Mistral]

Thanks for the win!

Riker: "Mr. Worf, why are you peeing on my shoes?"

 

[Nebusj]

``All right, Wesley, what's the bright idea?''

 

[Mojochi]

Picard: Geordi's visor link gives me a headache. Never use it again.

Riker: Good work, Lieutenant. If you only knew what I usually had to try to read in most of the tactical reports

Riker: Trust me, you can 't see up her skirt from here

Picard: If I told you I could remove the atmosphere from the containment field would that change your minds about the dance number?

Captain's Log: The ongoing implementation of the downwind "Flatulence zone" is a welcome success for both the Counselor & myself

 

[Nerys Myk]

A'Bot: Well, let's see, we have on the bridge, Who's at conn, What's at Ops, I Don't Know is at tactical...

Kos'TelO: That's what I want to find out.

A'Bot:: I said, Who's at conn, What's at Ops, I Don't Know is at tactical...

Kos'TelO: Are you the First Officer?

A'Bot:: Yes.

Kos'TelO: And you don't know the fellows' names?

A'Bot: Well I should.

Kos'TelO: Well then who's at conn?

A'Bot: Yes.

Kos'TelO: I mean the fellow's name.

A'Bot: Who.

Kos'TelO: The guy at conn.