TNG Caption This! #350: Time Capsule: Part 1

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! We have arrived at our 350th contest! Wow, how time has flown by!

First up to the plate, we have the "Quest for youth" Award, going to:

RIKER: It's a miracle food that can make me look like I'm 20. The internet said so.

Next, we have the "Written by the Writers of Gravity" Award, going to:

Crusher: There's something wrong with his internal...... stuff. What do you want from me? I run a hospital, not a chop shop

Next, we have the "Teamwork" Award, going to:

Riker: Easy, fella, you don't want to make William "The Outcast" Riker mad. I'll call up my crew Worf "Heart of Glory" Mogh, Geordi "Identity Crisis" LaForge, and Miles "Long Ladder" O'Brien and we'll bring this whole joint down.
Bartender: Yeah? And who's this one?
Data: I am Data "Pen Pals" Soong.
Riker: He's working on it.

DATA: I knew Data "Data's Day" Soong was better.

Riker: Shut up, Data "Fistful of Data's" Soong!

Next, we have the "Even out in the universe, we still don't have universal healthcare" Award, going to:

Crusher: Congratulations Worf, you're pregnant!

Worf: I've really got to upgrade my healthcare plan.

Next, we have the "This is how supervillains are created..." Award, going to:

Wesley: He's gone mad with power!
Riker: More pie charts! More!

Our photoshop award, goes to:

RIKER: Meet your new engineering staff, Geordi.

"Wesley Crusher's personal log: They say that some of the pitfalls of command, in the centre seat of a starship, light years away from anywhere, with no one to answer to, are delusions of grandeur. Commander Riker seems to be taking these wargames too seriously. I wonder if I should be concerned now that he's started paraphrasing Moby Dick at Captain Picard?"

RIKER: Okay its time to face facts. We are outmatched and outgunned and there is no way we can win this. But if we plot a course to Risa we can be knee deep in Ja-ma haron before the Enterprise even realises we're gone.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

It's amazing to look back now that we've reached contest number 350. I went back and looked to see when I started running the contest, because it's been so long I wasn't sure on which contest I started. I started back at contest #170, back in 2010. Now nearly 4 years later, it's still fun every week. How may people can say that about the things they do?

How will we mark this occasion? After so many contests over the years, I've had the good fortune of having many captioners, some have been with me from the start, others arrived more recently. Believe it or not, I try to not reuse photos, sometimes I do on accident, it happens. After running 180 contests, it can happen from time to time, but I still try to avoid it. For this occasion, we're going to revisit some images used in previous contests over the years, giving some of us a second chance at them and a first chance for others who started captioning more recently.

Over the next few weeks, we will make our way through the entire series!

We begin with TNG's first season, here we go!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Data: (over comm) Data to Captain Picard, we have not yet docked with the Risian Cruise Ship. Be patient.

Riker: Who are those people?!

Worf: Don't rush to judgement, Captain! It's not what it looks like!

Picard: It looks like you beat up Commander Riker.

Worf: Never mind.

Picard: 350 caption contests?!

Data: Don't you dare transfer to Starfleet Medical and leave us with Pulaski!

 

[Gepard]

RIKER: We've captured our stunt doubles.

It took years, but Picard finally recognized the Enterprise computer's voice.

 

[Hedbergian]

Don't EVER deny access to The Picard.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the log entry LH!

Picard: "I'm getting flashbacks to my prom night."
Riker: "I never had that problem."
Picard: "You do want to be a Captain in this lifetime, don't you Numbah One?"

 

[Finn]

Worf: *mutters* Deanna has more Klingon in her heart than K'Ehleyr. I'd like some of that

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead. Happy 350th!

Picard: What the?

Riker: It appears that access is denied, sir.

Picard: Damn it, Will, stating the obvious is Troi's job!

Data (corridor): According to the writings of Pythia, all of this has happened before and all of this will happen again.

Data (turbolift): Intriguing, Pythia was being literal.

Worf: Permission to let Riker wallow in his defeat. Getting beaten by a geriatric human is without honor.

Troi: A goood effort, sir, but I think you can do better. Keep working at that facepalm, I'm sure you'll get it one day.

[yt]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNsrK6P9QvI[/yt]

Data: Doctor Crusher stole the cookies from the cookie jar!

Picard: Be very careful, Beverly, Data takes this game a bit too seriously!

 

[Mutai Sho-Rin]

I have to stick both my Moderator hat and my fan hat on at the same time to congratulate Leadhead on this terrific effort. Most people can't keep a job this long.

 

[Roddenberry]

Riker:It doesn't matter what we do sir, I don't think they're going to let us enter this caption contest

Data: Captain, Commander, I know this is a strange situation, but I can explain. Please say hello to Thomas, Lore and Shinzon.

Worf/Juliet:
Go, get thee hence, for I will not away.
What's here? a cup, closed in my true love's hand?
Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end:
O churl! drunk all, and left no friendly drop
To help me after? I will kiss thy lips;
Haply some poison yet doth hang on them,
To make me die with a restorative.
[Kisses him.]
Thy lips are warm.
Yea, noise? Then I'll be brief. O happy dagger!
[Snatching Romeo's dagger.]
This is thy sheath; [Stabs himself.] there rust, and let me die.
[Falls on Romeo/Riker's body, and dies.]

Troi: I'm flattered sir, but you should know that as an empath I'd be able to read that kind of thing. You know, I think you might find my mother a better match.

Data: It should have been you, not Tasha, at least she like the whole package, you know, me, fully operational. You, you just borrow the bits you need when you feel lonely.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Picard: "Computer, override ship's chastity mode!"
Riker: "Maybe if you whispered sweet nothings in her diodes..."

Turbolift Data: "Perhaps if we tell the Commander Riker in the corridor to avoid the plomeek broth for lunch, we can avoid the last 60.345 seconds being the lift ride from hell."
Turbolift Picard: "Excellent idea Mr Data. Make it so."
Turbolift Riker: "It wasn't me!"

Captain's Log: "Recommend to Starfleet ditching the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy. Replicator usage and sickbay reports render the topic moot. As do the complaints from Riker's neighbours."

Troi: "I believe the word you're looking for is 'D'oh!', Captain."

Picard: "I know you look to me as a role model in your quest for humanity, Data. But perhaps you should deactivate your affronted Frenchman subroutine."
Crusher: "I don't get it. All I said was that I had bought Cwaiysawwnnts for everyone."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Data: I choose YOU, Pikachu!

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: Think this through, what if the next Medical Officer doesn't work out?

PICARD: She's right, stand down Mister Data.

PICARD: We're the highest ranking officers on the ship, who could deny us access?

(beat)

RIKER and PICARD: Wesley!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Armored Saint]

DATA: PEW-PEW!
BEVERLY: JEAN-LUC! He pew-pewed me!

WORF: Even Earth males are too fragile....sigh...
GUINAN: You know, masturbation is full of honor.

PICARD: Deanna open this door! Main engineering isn't the place to lock yourself for eating chocolate ice cream and crying!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

PICARD: Deanna open this door! Main engineering isn't the place to lock yourself for eating chocolate ice cream and crying!

Riker: "She's not crying sir, she's singing..."
Picard: "What is that?"
Riker: "'I'll Take You Home Again, Kathleen?'"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Heh, heh. You guys get fat.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PATRICK STEWART: I don't appreciate the sign Maurice Hurley put up in front of the writer's room.

RIKER: Lookin' good Will.
OTHER RIKER: Right back at'cha.

WORF: Deanna, how could you? We were in...
DEANNA: If I can't have him, nobody can.

DEANNA: Captain, I'm sensing...embarrassment. Embarrassment for me. Do you want to talk about it?

RODDENBERRY (OS): No, no! When I said we were terminating her, I didn't mean literally!
MCFADDEN: Wait, what?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Christ, not again! I don't like being a 'Captain Killjoy,' but this quickie-in-the-turbolift fad has to stop!"

Picard: "Nothing to worry about. My old commanding officer warned me that once you become a starship captain, you'll be so busy you won't know whether you're coming or going."

Troi: "I've been roaming the ship all morning, Captain. Would you like a detailed report on what I sensed from each crew member?"

Data: "'Agitated state'? 'Increased aggressiveness and irritability'? And just what the fuck makes you an expert on android psychology?!"

 

[Mojochi]

Thanks for the pick and congrats on the milestone

Picard: It must think your bubble butt won't fit through the door

Picard: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the show?

Data: Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now is happening now.

Picard: What happened to then?

Data: We passed then

Picard: When?

Data: Just now. We're at now now

Picard: Go back to then

Data: When?

Picard: Now!

Data: Now?

Picard: Now.

Data: I can't

Picard: Why?

Data: We missed it.

Picard: When?

Data: Just now.

Picard: When will then be now?

Data: Soon

Picard: How soon?

Worf: Dammit! I would've only needed another 3 or 4 minutes

Trio: Wesley wants you to be his dad, Beverly wants you to be her husband, and Will secretly has a gay crush on you.

Picard: Maybe this empathic adviser position wasn't such a great idea after all

Picard: Cut it out, Data. The odds of her producing another Wesley are remote at best.

 

[Armored Saint]

RIKER: She made Hitler win the war!

**EARLIER THAT DAY**

PICARD: Giving cordrazine to an android? What's next? Making Hitler win the war?

 

[Gil T.Azell]

It took years, but Picard finally recognized the Enterprise computer's voice.

Winner