TNG Caption This! 346: Lovey Dovey

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Lets see what Picard has to say....

First up to the plate, we have the "Redundant Riker" Award, going to:

Picard: Will, the Counselor just made a humorous observation. As much as we give her crap for spouting out the obvious, at least her job doesn't involve repeating everything I say to relay orders I could easily relay myself. Anyway, take us out of here Number One.

Riker: Aye sir, Geordi, take us out of here.

Troi: I'm sensing resentment from the First Officer, sir.

Next, we have the "Not always the ideal officer" Award, going to:

Data: I do not know why you consider me a potential securty risk. It is not like I have multiple evil siblings, nor that my creator can remote control me at a distance of light years to take over the ship. And I definitely do not emit a easily detectable signal that renders the ship useless for stealth missions.

Next, we have the "CSI: TrekBBS" Award, going to:

PICARD: It's the remains of Caption Contest #344.

Next, we have the "What could possibly go wrong?" Award, going to:

RIKER: Chief, beam us down to the planet where they just vaporized three defenseless people unarmed. I think we can safely assume this time they're only interested in peace.

Next, we have the "Medical evaluation" Award, going to:

Picard - "Awww, did little Worfy have a Boo-Boo?"

The Photoshop Award, goes to:

WORF: Data, I think the Captain needs to hear "Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty".

Second Officer's Personal Log: I have a positronic brain capable of performing sixty trillion calculations per second with double-hash quantum-state error checking. If Commander Riker double-checks my math on his damn calculator one more time, I will bitch slap the punk.

Picard: What am I going to do with you Worf? You can't fly the ship and you suck at operations too.
Worf: I'm a Klingon, I should be on tactical.
Picard: Over the militant Tasha? Sure, if she dies on a mission it's all yours, like that'll happen.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, with Valentines Day (or Singles Awareness Day) depending on your interpretation on the horizon, it's time for our annual salute to (Or opportunity to make fun of) love!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: Computer, delete Picard.

Worf: Romulan Vessel, it is a good day for YOU to die. Fire all phasers!

Picard: It's been a lovely evening. Now get out.

Worf: (over comm) Worf to Henshaw, per your request, we are standing by to beam you out on your order.

Riker 3....2....1.

Data squirts self with bottle

Troi: Best date ever.

 

[shivkala]

TFTW, Leadhead

Captain's Log: For some reason, I feel like a third nacelle. Though, come to think of it, that would be pretty awesome. Imagine the Enterprise with a third nacelle. Ooh, and a kickass phaser emitter. That'd be awesome! That's it, I'm staying, because I may be a third nacelle, but the third nacelle is what makes everything awesome. Well, that and my huge phaser emitter, if you know what I mean...and I think you do.

K'Ehleyr: Okay, Worf, we're done here. Let's go.

Worf: I, um, something came up, I'd prefer if you went first and then I join you later.

K'Ehleyr: Oh for Kahless' sake!

Beverly: Oh, Jean-Luc, we all know you are an alien duplicate meant to hide the fact that our real Captain was kidnapped, but the crew voted and we want you to stay. Shall, we celebrate?

Picard Duplicate: Oh, yeah!

Geordi: From past experience, you'll want to drink a few of these. The only dates I've had have been pretty drunk.

Data: ♫ ♪ I feel pretty, Oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and bright, And I pity Any girl who isn't me tonight ♪ ♫

 

[Finn]

Captain's Log: Next time, I'll have Minuet recreated in Beverly's image

Marshal: *at the Minneapolis Comics Con* This is great, Mom! They did a great job making me look like Worf. You look just like K'Ehleyr, Mom

Riker: Dude... She's not going for it this time around

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: A traditional Klingon woman would expose more cleavage.

K'EHLEYR: How about we see how far these boots can go up your traditional ass!

 

[Armored Saint]

WORF: Klingon and Entreprise's bridge fetishes? Your Pon Farr is full of honor, Selar!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Minuet: "I may be a computer-generated hologram, but even I'm having a hard time getting 'in the mood' with your captain staring at me like a lion staring at a gazelle."
Riker: "We don't mention gazelles in Starfleet anymore."

Worf: "I love it when you're butch!"

Picard: "Next time you're in the mood for a little role-playing, I just read a fascinating entry from James Kirk's old Enterprise logs about a place called the 'Mirror Universe' and something called a 'captain's woman.'"

LaForge: "And don't worry, I would never even think of trying anything improper with a sweet, wholesome girl like you--"
Henshaw: "I think I've got sand in my coochie!"

Riker: "This should make for an interesting scent. Eau de perfume combined with Cosmoline."
Troi: "Very fetching!"

 

[Armored Saint]

WORF: I have the trenchcoat, so I'M Kruge, you're Maltz!

 

[Triskelion]

Minuet: So is your Captain really French?
Picard: Uhh, ménage à Troi.
Minuet: Close enough.

Worf: Your House or Mine?
K'ehleyr: Take my Worf - please!

Jean Luc: I see you like planting flowers. How do you feel about pruning hedges?
Beverly: I don't bother.
Jean Luc: Ooh la la.

Geordi: Emotive. Electro-chemical stimulus-response.
Christy: Cranial plate.
Geordi: Bipedal locomotion. Endoskeletal.
Christy: Contiguous external integument.
Geordi: Hierarchical collective command structure!
Christy: Interrogative.
Geordi: Big boobs.
Christy: You always ruin Cytherian Charades.

Troi: And Noonian Soong funded all his research programming apps for Calvin Klein?
Riker: Yep.
Data: Try Obsession? Dammit!

 

[Armored Saint]

http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x54/TrueX-Ray/TNG Caption This/TNGCaption168e.jpg
DATA: Of course my skin is not really white, I'm just a big fan of The French nobility.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: Not many men can pull off that color. And by not many, I mean the Joker and Prince.

HENSHAW: This is the best Love Boat holo program I've see. It's like I'm actually in Puerto Vallarta.

LAFORGE: Your drink.

HENSHAW: Thank you Issac.

LAFORGE: Wait...what?

 

[Finn]

Meanwhile, at Starfleet Academy...

Cadet's Log: We found this weird place somewhere in Uganda over the weekend where there was supposed to be an old Bolian monk living in the jungle. She read my palm and said my mother was with my father now. I tried to get in touch with the Enterprise. But they were out of range. So I am starting to worry

 

[Armored Saint]

In another universe, Picard is married, but always on "business trip".

 

[Mojochi]

Riker: I dream of a galaxy where your eyes are the stars and all the universe worships the night... You are the heart in my day and...

Picard: Nope still not working. Let's go back and try it with Guinan again

Worf: Engage

K'Ehleyr: I said no

Picard: Please let go, before you dislocate another knuckle

Those awkward few seconds before you accept when you consider whether there may be Rohypnol in your drink

Troi: How long has he been there tying to make himself sneeze?

Riker: 3 days. I just can't look away

 

[Nerys Myk]

TROI: I filled it with an epoxy. He'll need a laser scalpel to open his eyes.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Henshaw: "I can't take anymore of this! Computer, activate 'Sand-Kicking Bully' sub-routine!"

 

[Triskelion]

Minuet: And the Captain made him an Acting Ensign and let him fly the ship?
Riker: Yep.
Minuet: Let me guess. To make First Contact with the Milf planet.
Riker: Ha, he wishes. More like Starfleet Command's General Order Seven.
Minuet: "No vessel under any condition, emergency or otherwise, is to visit Talos IV." Ouch.
Picard: I'd break her like the prime directive.

K'Ehleyr: It was the leather armor.
Worf: Oh? So it doesn't smell like wet targ entrails in here?

Beverly: Oh I misunderstood, I thought you said you wanted to be my backdoor Picard, not sell door-to-door unitards.
Picard: Shall I go?
Beverly: I didn't say that.

Geordi: Another Co-Co-No-No?
Christy: Gee, I was really looking forward to some fungus.
Geordi: That hasn't even happened yet!

Troi: Should we tell him it's Horta pheromone?
Riker: Nah, let him figure it out on his own.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Worf: "Know what I'd like to do to you? I'd like to untie that sash, unfasten those shoulder pads, slip off those gloves, unsnap that battle vest, pull off those boots, unbuckle that belt... I forgot where I was going with this."

 

[Holdfast]

PICARD (thinking): I want to go and create my own holodeck sex-doll. But I also like to watch. Decisions, Decisions...

K'EHLYER: Really? Even in this uniform? I'm up here Worf.

CRUSHER: You want me to put my hand where?!

HENSHAW (laughing): Computer, end simulation!
HENSHAW: God, he gets lamer every time I replay it.

RIKER: It's the Tsiolkovsky virus. Hey, don't laugh, it got him laid once, it can do it again!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Minuet: "Don't you think having your captain here for this is a bit creepy?"
Riker: "Oh, he's a hologram, too! I just like having him around."
Minuet: "Now that's really creepy!"