TNG Caption This! 341: Continuing mission

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, sorry that I missed the weekend! Been a bit crazy in the world of LeadHead.

First up to the plate, we have the "Security Alert!" Award, going to:

Worf: We are getting multiple reports of loud noises coming from this cabin, including screaming, moaning, and an odd thumping. Please open this door immediately, Doctor Crush... <WHOOSH> ...oh. Hello, captain.

Next, we have the "Maybe it has something to do with the winner right above it?" Award, going to:

Picard: "Ensign McKnight, prepare... That's not Ensign McKnight!"
Riker: "Wesley Crusher, sir. Doctor Crusher's boy. You promoted him to acting ensign."
Picard: "I did? Why would I do such a thing?"
Worf: "That's a hot topic in the betting pool."
Troi: "So far, the odds-on favorite is that you've got a jones for the mom."

Next, we have the "Captain's orders" Award, going to:

Wesley: "So, what is this, exactly?"

Data: "Raw plutonium. It was the captain's idea."

Next, we have "The untold story" Award, going to:

How Geordi got promoted between 1st and 2nd season...
​

*ship rocks with phaser hits*

Deanna: The Ensign's unconscious. I better take over the helm

Geordi: No, stay there. We will get out of here just fine

Next, we have the "Practical Jokes" Award, going to:

Geordi: The itching powder in my shorts was not funny!
Worf: Yes it was.

Two KBL's this week instead of Captain's log or Photoshop Awards!

Worf: I'm sorry Sir, you're not getting into Mr. Mott's New Year's Eve party without an invitation.

And...

Troi: Alien ship moving to port flank, sir!
Bridge crew: STARBOARD!
Troi: Also I'm sensing some hostility.

Congrats to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated! And now, a new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Worf: Can we please turn the inertial dampeners back on?!

Data: And now, I shall play the worlds tiniest violin.

La Forge: He's not kidding, Captain.

Riker: Captain Riker here, surrender and hand over your best synthehol.

Picard: Mister La Forge, how would you feel if we had a 16 year old do your job?

Picard: Number One, you don't have the bridge. Worf, sit down in the Captain's chair for awhile and make him jealous.

Worf: Aye, Sir.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Crusher: Get out of my way, Deanna. The Captain's in trouble and only one of my karate chops can save him!

Riker: Captain, do you know the difference between you and me? I make this look GOOD.

 

[Mojochi]

More surprising than the crew grabbing what they cherished most, during the crisis, was how strongly Worf felt about Science Station 1

After 3 tragic failures, Data finally understood how the "Crushing your head" game is actually played

Mirror Riker was different from regular Riker in that he made more use of mirrors

Picard: Cut me some slack, I really am trying my best to make eye contact here

Picard: I have to go, Number One

Riker: TMI, Sir

 

[shivkala]

To combat boredom, the crew would sometimes participate in bridge-wide versions of "Freeze Dance."

Geordi: Do your Don Adams impression again!

Data: Missed it by that much.

Troi: Captain, I'm sensing an enormous sense of smugness and horniness from the other ship.

Picard: Geordi...it's not you, it's me...

Picard: Damn it, Number One, can you not use my head to stare at yourself as I'm giving you orders for the Away Team?

 

[Armored Saint]

I'm LeVar Burton and I forbid you to make jokes about little wee wees.

 

[Triskelion]

TFTKBLLH!!!

Picard: Calm down everyone, we're going to be fine! Data, stop looting!
Data: Don't hate the player, hate the game, sir.

Data: This is two people walking along the beach by the blue ocean at sunset with erectile dysfunction.

Riker: Enterprise, I think it's only fair to mention - Captain Riker has never lost!

Picard: But you still hang around in the locker room and creep everybody out with your nude conversations.

Worf: A towel would be honorable, sir.

Picard: License and registration, please.
Geordi: Every damn time. What, a blind man can't drive a nice starship unless he stole it?

Picard: ....and - they're standing right behind me, aren't they?

 

[Holdfast]

By the 24th century, virtual Twister had been invented.

DATA: I calculate that you have this much chance of getting laid.

RIKER: Put it away Mr Crusher, I can see you from here.

Picard was never going to win this staring contest.

PICARD: Based on Counsellor Troi's example, I'm going to mandate that all crewmembers wear low-cut dresses.
RIKER: All crew... members?
PICARD: All crewmembers.

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: That is my spot.
GEORDI: Please sir, not now!

**PLASMA TORPEDO HIT**

PICARD: That is my spot.
GEORDI: We're under attack Captain, it's not the moment. I must get us out of the Neutral Zone.
PICARD: You can't go out, it's Halo night.

 

[Mistral]

Thanks for the win!

Picard: "We've discussed it, Geordi, and we've decided we can't have one of "your kind" cluttering up the Bridge, so I'm re-assigning you to Engineering."

LaForge: "You're putting me off the Bridge because I'm BLACK?!?"

Picard: "Wha-? No, because you're a virgin."

 

[inflatabledalek]

Thanks for the laugh LH, and a happy new year!

Frakes: ...Right, in this scene the ladies should be gently caressing Riker as if they were his biatches.

Stewart: You know, I think I'd like to direct.

Spiner: I've just read the script for Nemesis!

Burton: Great, do I get much to do in this one?

Spiner: This much.

Captain Riker's Log: I have assumed command of this Klingon ship after getting annoyed with the previous Captain for his tendency to suddenly sound like Cobra Commander when shouting.

Picard: Geordi.... trousers?

Picard: Oh, you used the NX-01 program as well? I visited it too. I learnt the valuable lesson that the Captain's highest ranked human subordinate is completely stupid and totally expendable.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Data: "Look what I found on your uniform, Geordi! A flea! You know, Spot has these, too! Incidentally, thank you for feeding him while I was away at that conference last week."

Picard: "Well, I think her new neckline is just fine! So does the rest of the crew! And, frankly, we think you should stop being such a selfish twit!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Hello ladies, my name is Will. I'm into Jazz trombone, Parrises Squares...

CRUSHER: Okay Captain, I've hacked into Commander Riker's dating profile. Now what?

PICARD: Now Mr. Crusher, the fun begins.

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD TO ENGINEERING! PICARD TO ENGINEERING! GEORDI I NEED A ZOOM-OUT FUNCTION FOR THIS GODDAMN SCREEN RIGHT NOW OR I KILL MYSELF!

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Picard: Will, you look sloshed!
Riker, retching: I think the gagh I ate is still alive.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Frakes: "So, join me tonight as we investigate the incredible true evidence of 'Alien Ghosts of Ancient Astronauts at Area 51'!"
Wesley: "I see Starfleet has downgraded us to basic cable again."

 

[Triskelion]

Riker: I realize there is no reasonable expectation of privacy in the galaxy any more, but can't this wait until I'm out of the Port-a-potty?

 

[Armored Saint]

I'm Commander Keir from the IKS Alas'Ka! I'm pretty glad too meet you in battle, Captain Picard. I've always dreamed to do that with Kirk, but...

 

[Vulcan Logician]

Geordi, it is time that you and I had "the talk".

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker: "Geez, why don't you two get a room?"
Picard: "Why don't all of you clear my bridge!"
LaForge: "Uh...do I have any say in this at all?"