TNG Caption This! 314: The Return of LeadHead

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! I'M BAAAAAAAAAACK!

First up to the plate, we have the "If anyone needs to know about this, it's you" Award, going to:

Picard: That's right, Number One. I have what you want and it's right here in my hand.
Riker: A fourth pip?
Picard: No, a condom. Use it. That's how Wesl-- erm. Just use it. Trust me.... what?

Next, we have the "Whoops!" Award, going to:

Denise: ...and then I told them I was leaving to pursue a film career!

Marina: So why are we laughing?

Denise: Because I realized I just flushed my career down the toilet and if I don't laugh at that, I'll just break down and cry.

Next, we have the "Shouldn't that be labeled?" Award, going to:

PICARD: That's Windex.

Next, we have the "Same difference" Award, going to:

Sonja Gomez: You're not going to kick me off the Enterprise, are you?
Picard: For spilling coffee? Of course not.
Sonja Gomez: Whew.
Picard: Commander La Forge, make sure Ensign Gomez is on the top of the list for away team selection.

Next, the same poster had 2 great entries battling in my brain, in the end, my brain lost and the captioner wins!

K'Ehleyr: "Hey, stud! Feel like rippin' some Velcro?"

And

Worf: "Okay, okay, in a minute! Just let me clear this level!"

Now, this is without a doubt one my favorite photoshops of all time, winning the award plus major style points (no monetary value, sorry)

PICARD: So, did I stutter when I said "Earl Grey hot"??!!!!

Captain's Log Stardate 41831.6: I suspect Mr. Homm is regretting agreeing to the Enterprise drinking game of downing the bottle everytime Wesley saves the ship.

Worf: "Nice outfit."
K'Ehleyr: "You better like it--I've got one for you too. We're going speed skating in the holodeck, remember?"
Worf: "Uhhhhhh..."

And now, things will finally return to normal! The life of LeadHead has been a very busy one recently. Really busy, really stressful, really hard to find time to keep up with my captioning duties. All that changes now!

By the way, I'm sure that I'm preaching to the choir here, but if you haven't seen Star Trek Into Darkness it is well worth going to see!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Next time, I pick where we go camping.

Worf: It's turn in the Captain's chair. Now get lost.

Data: Perhaps we should assemble to plan the Captain's surprise party somewhere else?

Crusher: Huh, I didn't know that you can do the Vulcan Neck Pinch.

La Forge: Engage!

Picard: (Just out side the door) I heard that.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: Tricorder readings say it's something called "fire".

WORF: Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock?

DATA: It is the only way to determine who is in command.

RIKER: Come on, who doesn't like pepperoni?!

DATA: I still think it would be easier to admit you killed Geordi on the operating table.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

CRUSHER: "The Tricorder readings say it's Mr. Data's version of a Blue Angel?."

Pichard: (Thinking) "Nicely done Data, Nicely done".

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Picard: "Fascinating! Klingons igniting farts! You know, Beverly, people who aren't in Starfleet never get to see things like this!"

Spiner: "I thought it was lame enough when Roddenberry rehashed 'The Naked Time,' but now...'Spock's Brain'? Yeesh!"
McFadden (shrugs): "Hey, I just work here."

 

[Amaris]

Picard: "Ah, the unladen barn swallow. So lovely this time of year."
Crusher: "Jean-Luc, those are air to ground guided missiles."
Picard: "Really? I assumed they were just in heat. How intriguing."

It had been hours since anyone had sat in the Captain's chair, and still Worf and Data continued staring at one another. At a slight nod from the android, the Lieutenant at the mixing board let out a small sigh of exasperation, and queued up "Ebony and Ivory" one more time, as the lights dimmed.

Data: "Do not worry, Commander. As the saying goes, 'it could happen to anyone.'
Riker: "Is this true, Geordi?"
Geordi: "It certainly is, Commander. I can't tell you how many times I've struck out with the ladies."
Worf: "Yeah. 'The Ladies.'"

Data: "Doctor, while I empathize, there must be a more humane method of obtaining an illegal cable hookup."

Geordi: "Four Aces five times in a row? You'll be hearing from my lawyer."
Riker: "Geordi, I swear, I had no idea..."
Worf: "Don't worry, Commander. The only thing you'll be hearing from Geordi will come straight from the Law Offices of B*tch and Moan."

 

[Triskelion]

Worf: No.
Data: Starbase 15 duty free shop.
Worf: ...
Data: $19.95.

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Is that the Kosst Amojan?
Beverly: ...
Picard: ...
Beverly: ...No.
Picard: ...
Beverly: ...No, I'm not a Pah Wraith.
Picard: ...
Beverly: ...Let it go, Jean Luc.

Worf: Are you still on, Commander?
Data:...
Worf: Commander.
Data:...
Worf: <taps com> Worf to engineering. His battery's dead again.
Data: Putz.
Worf: I WOULD KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND IF YOU WERE ANY OTHER MAN!

Geordi: Obviously the quantum insterstitial reactions are generating harmonic distortions along the subspace-flux vertices of the stellar corridor. These fluctuations are generating field inversions that stimulate the verteron particle flow in the isomagnetic casing of our warp intake valences.
Data: My calculations suggest that the phenomenon is attenuated by vector differentials among a stellar satellite moving in theta asymptotes to the star cluster ecliptic. Correcting our complementary warp field variances should counteract the subspace fluctuations to optimize verteron uptakes in the Bussard matrixes.
Riker: Mister Worf?
Worf: Targshit, sir.
Riker: I know that, Worf.

Geordi: Are you sure 20th century rappers dressed like this?
Data: Word to your motherboard.

Geordi: You promised me catsuits would be here.
Riker: They have names -
Geordi: Catsuits!

 

[Finn]

Crusher: So...What's going on?

Data: It's a new VR experience. He wanted me to give him the body of Denzel Washington and the prowess of Worf. He's in a fancy New York City hotel with Leah Brahms.

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAFORGE: Pew! Pew! And that's how Wild Bill Hickok died.

RIKER: And?

LAFORGE: Just saying.

 

[Gary7]

TFTKBL, LeadHead.

Beverly: “Jean-Luc, you don't think it's a bit odd having a blast furnace in your basement? I mean, c'mon... it's not even a finished basement.”

Worf: “Something the matter, Commander?”
Data: “I think I need a pair of lifts.”

Worf knew something devious was up when he spied the subtle fist bump between Data and Riker.

Beverly: “Whatever possessed Geordi to try going as a Borg for Halloween? To even inject himself with nano probes!”
Data: “I do not know. But clearly he did not quite capture the style. Too much color.”

 

[inflatabledalek]

Yay for the win Leadhead!

Beverly: Wow, you really have carried a torch for me all these years.

Data: Who is that guy on tactical?

Worf: I have no idea.

Riker: Well the good news is that Captain Picard has seemingly been killed in action. The bad news is that for some reason Star Fleet haven't rushed to offer me a field promotion this time round. I don't know why.

Data: I believe it is because last time they promoted you to Captain you lasted less than a week before you had to be demoted again after the "Incident" with Commander Shelby.

Doctor's Medical Log: The attempts to inject Geordi with a personality have, to date, all failed.

Burton: I'm off to England! Did anyone else see last week's Graeme Norton show with Carlton offa Fresh Prince doing his Tom Jones dance? Apparently they pay big money to the stars of early '90's TV shows in order for them to come on and do their schit and get the audience going!

Frakes: And your schit is?

Burton:... Speak some technobabble... roll under a door... it'll bring the house down.

 

[Holdfast]

Yay, contest's back!

CRUSHER: You're right, the croissants are definitely overdone.

WORF: He's mine.
DATA: It's Tuesday; my turn tonight.
ENSIGN@TACTICAL: Relax boys, there's enough of me to go round.

RIKER: ... and then they sprinkle a little bit of cinnamon on top, and ...
WORF: Can I just come back when the actual briefing starts?

CRUSHER: I'm sorry fellas, did I interrupt your private time?

RIKER: What's the matter Geordi? Can't take losing so you're going to go crying home to your girlfriend?
WORF: Girlfriend? Ha, ha, nice one!
GEORDI: Fuck you. And fuck you too.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker: "You're leaving? But you were so excited when I invited you."
LaForge: "You bet I'm leaving! A stag strip poker party? What the hell is wrong with you, man!"

 

[Supernuke]

Data: Mr. Worf, how long must I keep standing in this matter? You have proven quite conclusively that you are taller than me.
Worf: Just a few more... hours.

 

[Isis]

Crusher: "Nice try, Data, but that Geordi android isn't very lifelike."

Geordi: "On second thought, I think my EKG can wait until we reach Starbase 133."

 

[GameOn]

Crusher: According to my Tricorder we appear to have entered the series finale of Deep Space Nine.

 

[R. Star]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead!

Picard: I always did have the hots for you, Beverly.
Crusher: I'm detecting a high concentration of lame.

Worf: Captain Picard and Commander Riker are dead, I should be the captain.
Data: However Affirmative Action declares as the only android in Starfleet the post should be mine.
Worf: I am the only Klingon in Starfleet.
Data: Intriguing. Rock Paper Scissors?
Worf: Hurry, Troi's about to come to the bridge.

Riker: I need ideas and I need them quick.
Worf: Your honor has been challenged. You should initiate a fight to the death.
LaForge: I dunno, Commander... this isn't exactly my thing.
Data: Should we not call in Counselor Troi or Doctor Crusher? They could offer a female perspective about your lady friend's opinion that you are a "douchebag of the first order."
Riker: ....

Crusher: Do I even want to know?
LaForge: It's a virtual reality sex program. How was I supposed to know there would be a power surge down -there?!-

LaForge: I've got my eye on you.
Riker: You're blind.
LaForge: .... damn it!

 

[Gary7]

Crusher: According to my Tricorder we appear to have entered the series finale of Deep Space Nine.

Picard: "Oh I love this scene, particularly when Gul Dukat is finally buggered! Aren't these old holodeck sci-fi programmes just smashing?"
Crusher: "You know Jean-Luc, there are... other programs we can try."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Data: Geordi, are you sure this is necessary? I do not believe it is ethical for Starfleet to employ advanced technology to improve your romantic life.

Geordi: Shut up and attach the electrodes right there, Data.

Commercial voiceover: Isn't it time you talked to your doctor about erectile dysfunction?