TNG Caption This! 291: Random Silliness

[Isis]

Picard: "We already have too many acts in our talent show. You guys can enter, but then we'd have to get rid of the dancing midgets."

Picard: "On second thought, Beverly, maybe we don't need the table leaf today."

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Picard: "Q?! What's this about!"

Q: "I just saved a load of money on car insurance by switching to GEICO! I feel like celebrating!"

Worf: "When I stroke the beard thusly... do I not appear more intellectual?"

AND NOW AN EXCITING SCENE FROM CAPTAIN PICARD'S STEAMY HOLODECK FANTASY ROMANCE

Picard: "I could make the table longer and act more distant, if you'd like."

Beverly: "That would be quite nice, thank you."

Picard: "Superlative."

LaForge: "Uhh commander... you're holding it backwards."

Riker: "Right. All... part of my clever ruse."

Picard: "It looks like some kind of lightning storm in space."

Data: "It is a hole, sir."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Crusher: "This is nice, Jean Luc. So many men, especially the younger ones, are so obsessed with sex! It's nice to be able to sit down to dinner with a true friend and not have to deal with all that nonsense."
Picard (thinking): "Merde!"

 

[Triskelion]

So, Captain, how long shall we stare at each other across the Friend Zone?

Well I'd launch a probe if I knew it wouldn't get phased into a charcoal briquette.

<Bev bats eyelids>

Do you know what Captain Kirk would have called you Beverly?

Sir?

A Spock-tease.

...

...

Eat your kway-sawnt.

 

[Isis]

Worf (to self): "If they only knew how much I owe my devilishly handsome looks to Crazy Glue..."

Picard: "OK, Q, you win the smoke ring contest, but I have a better accent."

 

[Triskelion]

I knew I could pull off "The Farrah!"

 

[Finn]

Data: The probe has exited the other end of the wormhole. According to its sensors, it is somewhere in the Delta Quadrant, over 75,000 light years from here. The probe is picking up some kind of space station, shooting energy pulses to a nearby star system".

Picard: Interesting...Data...

Data stops him..

Data: Captain...something is happening. There is some kind of inference from the energy pulses. It is keeping the ship computer from saving the telemetry from the probe. We won't be able to show anything...

Picard: You mean nobody will know the coordinates of this wormhole?

Data: Precisely

Picard: *shrugs* It's not like anybody will need to know about this wormhole. Ensign, resume our course to Devaled V. Warp 8...engage

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: So this is where he goes!
Data: After all these centuries...the Tidy Bowl Conundrum is solved, sir.
Picard: This...this is why we are out here.

 

[ThankQ]

Data: "Queri, why would Q ask me to scan for STDs?"

 

[Ln X]

Picard: Q, why the celebrations?
Q: Ever heard of GeneralGrin?
Picard: Who?
Q: He's back and he makes the most wonderful parodies of this ship and its crew.
Riker: Parodies?
Q: If you knew the truth you would be flabbergasted!

Worf: It cannot be, are those streaks of grey I see?

Picard: You want to talk about safe sex?

Riker: Next time you want to kill yourself crewmen, remember to put in a power cell first!

 

[Finn]

Picard: You want to talk about safe sex?

Beverly: Remember Wesley?

Picard: Good point...

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Q: Check it out! I'll nail that fly on the ceiling with my spit!

Beverly: By the way, you're pregnant.

Riker: I'm sorry, but your collar is just too darn high. Use this to wittle it down to an acceptable length.

Picard: Not Sliders again, Data.

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Prepare yourself, Number One. If I understand this ritual correctly, next come the hoochie-mamas.

I'm late.

Starbase 19 needs a new Chief Medical Officer.

I've got to go take this call. You'll need this.
A phaser? What for, sir?
Don't let him try the "Feel your face" bit. He sees you just fine.

Is it a wormhole Data?
No sir. This is a hole made by a really big space gopher.
Oh!
It is a wormhole, sir.
Oh. New sarcasm chip?
No sir.
No? Or was that the chip again?
No sir. The chip is malfunctioning. <under breath> Apparently.
All stop, Data.
All stopping, sir.

 

[Isis]

When Picard agreed to live music on the bridge, some of the talent that auditioned wasn't quite what he had in mind.

Riker: "Someone used--and broke--my ultrasonic nose hair clippers. Deanna 'senses it wasn't her.' Was it you?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker: "Here. You might need this. 'Lonesome George' LaForge here tends to get a little grabby."

 

[Isis]

Worf (to self): "A facial mirror? What an inappropriate gift for an honorable Klingon like myself."

<brief pause>

Worf (to self): "Anyone who knows me at all would have realized that nothing but a full length mirror would do."

 

[LeadHead]

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