TNG Caption This! 291: Random Silliness

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Sorry for the Sunday Start, Saturday was a busy one for me this weekend.

First up to the plate, we have the "Some things never change" Award, going to:

Photobombs... of the FUTURE!

Next, we have the "Maybe they should have assimilated Drew Carey as well" Award, going to:

Despite assimilating Clive Anderson, the Borg still could not quite get the hang of the Whose Line is it Anyway game, "Helping Hands."

Next, we have the "Historical Significance" Award, going to:

Riker (os): What the hell did happen with this goddamn shuttle?
O’Brien: Do you know that story about an Emergency Landing Plan B on the Enterprise-A?
Riker (os): Yes....
O’Brien: It seems your Imzadi is not Hikaru Sulu.

Next, we have the "Maybe 1st Season Worf knows..." Award, going to:

Riker: No, I have no idea what half these stations are for either.

Next, we have the "Patriotism while on duty" Award, going to:

Worf: "Ee plebnista..."

Picard (os): "So Chief, you took the Captain's Yacht for it annual check. How is it?

O'Brien: "Just fine Sir, ah could you not come down to the flight deck for a few weeks?

Congratulations to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

New contest, lets go!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: Any of you guys have a trombone I can borrow?

Picard: Not now, Number One.

Worf: Maybe a ponytail...

Picard: Beverly, you know, the whole "morning after breakfast" is only worth it if there was something that happened the night before.

Riker: This is a Phaser, not a tricorder. When you 'scanned' that priceless Monet painting...

Data: Starfleet records do not describe anything like this phenomenon. Despite the fact that ships have seen it 13 times.

 

[R. Star]

Riker: When I told Q to blow it, this isn't quite what I had in mind.

Worf: (singing) I'm... too sexy for my sash! Too sexy for my sash! Too sexy!

Picard: What do you mean you won't perform fellatio? You have to! It's in your contract.
Crusher: Jean-Luc, just because you're captain doesn't mean you have the authority to outsource our Starfleet commission renewals to the Ferengi Commerce Authority.

Riker: Now my dear, this will make all your desires come true.
LaForge: (whispering urgently) Commander! That's not a vibrator!

Picard: Status Mr Data?
Data: Our probe has penetrated the hole's event horizon and commenced vibration mode.

 

[Jerikka Dawn]

Data: The Narada has been destroyed. Kelvin is resuming course to Earth.
Picard: Good. Let's get the hell out of here.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

He once chose the Chancellor of the High Council...just to see what it felt like.

He wears his hair in a ponytail just to give K'Ehleyr something to grab.

He likes his bloodwine extra hot.

He orders fried gagh...just because.

He was all four members of his Starfleet Academy Parrises Squares team.

He is THE MOST INTERESTING KLINGON IN THE UNIVERSE.

"I don't always drink raktajino,
but when I do, I prefer S'tarbucks.
Stay honorable, my friends."

 

[bullethead]

Today's problem for the Enterprise crew: avoiding a plot hole.

Present Picard: So... replace Geordi's visor with ocular implants, arrest Soran at the Armagosa Observatory, the Borg are coming for Earth again, the uniform thing... Anything else?
Future Picard: Don't send Data on the team to puncture the warp core coolant tanks. That should-
*The connection cuts out*
Present Picard: Data, what happened?
Data: It seems the Enterprise-E no longer exists, possibly due to the information we were provided.
Present Picard: I see... well, at least they gave us the specs for those stylish uniforms!

 

[inflatabledalek]

TFTW!

Stewart: Did Singer have to send me a singing telegram to tell me I'd got the X-Men gig? It's just rubbing my film career in the faces of my cast mates who don't have one.

Telegram: Do you want me to stop?

Stewart: I didn't say that did I?

Worf: Whoever this Fu Man Chu Riker mentioned is, he must have been a handsome dude.

Picard:So, fancy a shag?

Riker: You slept with Geordi? You must be an alien imposter!

Data: It's called the Baird Black Hole.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Tell José he'll get his chilli peppers when we get there! Tell him they're prime Mexican Reds; I hand-picked them myself! But he won't die if he goes a few more days without them!"

Worf: "Yes. Yes! Twirling it does make me look sinister!"

Picard: "Beverly, I think it's time we made some changes in our routine. After all, most of the crew already think we're sleeping together after dinner every night, and not just playing Parchessi."
Crusher: "So, you're suggesting we set up the Parchessi board in Ten Forward instead of here in your quarters from now on?"

Riker: "Talk! Or I'll fry your ear off with this phaser!"
Aquiel: "Go ahead, big man, I dare ya! Press that firing stud, stud!"
LaForge: "Um...Commander...?

Picard: "Data? 'The asshole of the universe'?"
Data: "I read it somewhere, sir."

 

[T'Girl]

Russ Mayberry makes his directorial return to TNG, to
prove he can be insensitive to groups other than Blacks.

Data: "This spacial phenomena remind me of the time Lieutenant Yar wanted me too ...

Picard: "Not the right time Data."

 

[shivkala]

TFTW!

Worf: Do you want me to remove them, Captain?
Picard: Not just yet. I think they're getting ready to play "Stairway to Heaven."

Worf didn't believe in using dye, he just gave the grey hairs creeping in his meanest looking glare.

Crusher: How's the tea?
Picard: Is that a double entendre?
Crusher: I...I don't know anymore...

Riker: Look, even our Chief Engineer is stumped. So, you're not leaving here until you program my novelty phaser universal remote control.

Picard: There, I swear I just, saw...well, I swear I just saw an old style police box enter that vortex...

 

[Velocity]

Riker: So....taco night in Ten Forward?

Worf: You handsome devil. No wonder you had females on the Enterprise and Deep Space 9 panting after you.

Riker: Call me Commander Stinky Nuts again and this goes up your nose!

Picard: Mr Data, what do sensors indicate about that wormhole?
Data: There appears to be a ship, a living ship, emerging...attemptiing to contact...
Unknown Ship: Pilot! Where the yotz is this?

 

[Armored Saint]

My parmaqqay I, can't get enough of your parmaq 'IH be'
Be'Hom, I don't know, I don't know why
Can't get enough of your parmaq 'IH be

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: She's real! Not a hologram, an android or a delusional hallucination!

GEORDI: Damn it, I'm not that bad with the ladies!!!!

AQUIEL: Actually you are.

PICARD: You got it. Arm phasers, fire everything we got.

DATA: Come again?

PICARD (sighs): Have the sensors continue passive scans.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Mirror Mirror on the wall, who's baddest badass of all?

MIRROR: Still Sisko, so stop asking. And I'm on a desk you schmuck.

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Sigh. I miss Felipe the Starfleet Academy burro.

"Almost long enough for pigtails.... Patience, Worf."

Welcome to the Enterprise, Ensign. Know your way around a beard trimmer?

Data: Launching penny now, sir.
Picard: Tee hee!

 

[Vassa]

Picard: Analysis Mr. Data?
Data: A new screen-saver I just found, sir.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the Win!

Picard: "Red alert! Immigration to the bridge!"

Worf: "Hmm, maybe if I... stick my pinky out."

Crusher: "Why have we been having bread rolls for breakfast the past week?"
Picard: "There's only so much of you torturing 'croissants' that a Frenchman can take."

Riker: "Make a wrong move and you're toast, Lieutenant."
LaForge: "Haven't quite finished re-evolving from that Neanderthal yet, have we Commander?"

Picard: "Set phasers to bleach, and fire when ready, Mr Data."

 

[Armored Saint]

Picard: Bev, I was thinking...why all those fruits on the table...I mean....since we began to have our breakfast together we have never finished our orange juice nor what is on our plate.

 

[T'Girl]

Stewart: "I know we want new uniforms for the transistion to the movies, but I say pass on these costumes.

 

[Holdfast]

PICARD: Holographic projection technology has only made Doritos' adverts even more annoying.

WORF: And to think, I was only going to grow it for Movember.

CRUSHER: I cooked; that means you're doing the washing up.

RIKER: Answer or I shoot.
AQUIEL (looks at backwards phaser): Sure, go ahead. I double-dare you.



(EDIT: Ah, I now see Jonas Grumby's already done this gag. Serves me right for getting to the thread late! Let's try a different one:

GEORDI (thinking): Every damn date ends up with Riker stealing my girl. That "do you want to feel my phaser" chat-up line is just killer.

PICARD: Dammit, I saw it once on the internet, and now I see it everywhere...